A
male
age
41-50,
*an2e
writes:I recently got dumped by my girlfriend. At the start she was still in love with her ex and i started out cautiously. The first 3 months were great; we had loads of fun. She lived a good bit away from me and since i wasn't driving at the time she travelled 40km just to see me. After 2 months she brought me to meet her parents who said that they only tolerated her previous boyfriends but like me. All her friends thought i was cool and one called me a "good catch". We even went to Paris, which was amazing. I even got down on one knee and made a false proposal (it was a promise to each other) and gave her a promise ring. At this stage we were only seeing each other 3 or 4 times a week; i helped her find a flat nearer town and her work. Things were great!! she told me i was her favourite boyfriend. Then when she moved into her flat i made the fatal error of practically moving in with her. I had gradually become more and more jealous because my ex had a flirtatious nature (as i do) and her ex boyfriend kept texting her. She replied and said she did so because if she didn't it would show she still cared. The jealously gradually built up and i became possessive and needy; which was magnified by the fact i saw her nearly every day. Ok, we were having more and more fights and we had an "almost" break up session where we were both in tears and i thought we were going to break up. We didn't and she said we'll give it a go and she was happy. Then i got possessive over something just before she headed down the country for a few days. I collected her friend and my ex kissed me and told me she loved me. That was wednesday, she went to the country on the thursday and on the Saturday, after i texted something petty, she rang me in tears saying we should have a break. I hung up and rang her back saying i would travel to her and she said she doesn't want that and that we shouldn't prolong it anymore and should break up. I text her that night and kinda apologised for how the relationship changed me and she text back "you sound final". I text her on the monday about collecting my stuff from her flat. Before that i had dropped over a Christmas present i had bought her, her fave flowers and a last ditch letter. She text that the texting was the last straw and she didn't want the relationship anymore. I went to her flat, as agreed with her, to collect my stuff. I knew at this stage why the relationship had failed and that begging her wouldn't work; so i cut my losses and went in there with my head held high even smiling a bit; she had tears in her eyes and found it hard to look at me at times. I said "you re looking well", she said the same and looked regretful as she looked me up and down. As i was leaving i noticed that she was still wearing the promise ring i gave her and although she had taking down the pictures of us in Paris, she still had the framed pic of us up. As i was leaving i said "I think thats nearly everything"; She said "what else is there", i said , ironically smiling, "well i'm leaving you behind". She forced a teary smile and i left. That was 15 days ago and the last i've heard of her. I realise i was crowding her in the relationship with my texts, needyness, possessiveness and that the living arrangements contributed alot to this. I'm still mad about her but am looking to the future; getting a better job, bettering myself etc. I know you are prob going to say forget about her, she's not making contact get the picture. I haven't contacted her since that day i saw her last and i'm in two minds whether to text her saying "Happy Christmas". To be honest i'm not sure how she'll take it. Any advice on how to win her back; if there is any hope? Or just leave it and get on with life. I need advice, however harsh!
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male
reader, Dan2e +, writes (14 December 2007):
Dan2e is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for that reply. An update. She text me out of the blue last night; asked was i being stubborn or did i want nothing to do with her. I said that she was right, that we needed space. she finished up by saying she was half asleep, sorry for disturbing me and signed off with a kiss 'X'. Ok now i'm confused??
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (14 December 2007): She text me out of the blue last night; said was i being stubborn or did i want nothing to do with her. I said that she was right, that we needed space. she finished up by saying she was half asleep, sorry for disturbing me and signed off with a kiss 'X'. Ok now i'm confused??
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (13 December 2007):
 Be careful what you wish for. It sounds like you already know why you broke up. If you are always putting your feelings ahead of hers, then it's natural that she would think that you really don't care about her. Your love of drama and letting little things turn into big things got you here. Lots of people survive living arrangements, even living in different countries, I'v been throught it loads of times with my guy. It's the texting, neediness and possessiveness that did you in. But you already know that.
If you feel strongly that you could learn from your past mistakes, stick your neck out and call her. It's Christmas - she might just take you back. If you love her, trust in her and don't make her jump through hoops again. Hope thing work out for you. Be Good.
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