A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 26 year old bi male, who has been in love with one of my male friends for 5 years. I was going to tell him a few times but I always thought he was straight. He has now told me that he fancies me and wants us to be together. I would have been the happiest person ever if he had told me this a few years earlier.However, I am engaged to be married to a really nice girl now. She has been through a lot of hard times and I dont want too cause her that much hurt. I do love her but I just don't know if I am in love with her. All I can think about is my friend all the time.Should I cut my male friend out of my life and try and make a real go off it with my fiancee? Or would I just be living a lie?
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reader, anonymous, writes (9 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate:
My friend has been texting and calling me alot, asking for to give me and him a chance. I told him that I needed some time to myself just now so that I know what I want.
A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (5 February 2009):
 For the posters below...
I did some internet radio interviews, one with a bi-woman, one with an asexual person, and interviews with swingers and people in open relationships (polyamory).
I would offer that you visit my site at www.franktalks.com/radio and listen to all of them for free as it might give you some info on bisexuality and sexual orientations in general in terms of sexuality and choice.
-Frank B Kermit
www.franktalks.com/radio
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): Yes, she is understandably upset, but will have the emotional support from her family now and every day will feel a little better than the last.
She truly deserves a man that will love her as a man loves a woman, and thank you for freeing her---she will look back one day and see this.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (4 February 2009):
She loves you so at the moment is upset and will be thinking that a life of misery with you is better than the pain she is feeling without you.
You must be strong, the pain she is currently feeling is horrible but will go away and then she will find someone to love her and give her the relationship that you will never be able to.
You need to stay single, go away for a while if you can and figure out who you want to be and what you want.
Good Luck!! xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (4 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks again for all the replies. Appreciate it.
I spoke everything through with my fiancee and she was understandably upset. After speaking for hours and alot of tears and shouting, she moved back to her parents last night.
I got a text from her this morning which said "I still love you and once you get this out your system, let me know.x". Even though I explained last night that I couldn't love her the way she deserved to be loved.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): A valid status? Isn't that what I said? It's all about choice, and I personally think there are more disadvantages and confusion in choosing that lifestyle. But that's my opinion, and I'm free to share it.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): To the anonymous reader below; I don’t understand why people wouldn't accept that it is possible for people to be bi. You are certainly never going to disprove its validity simply by finding people who are not bi (no matter how many you found!); but there are a lot of people (and it would only take one!) proving bisexuality as a valid status to themselves (and others) simply by their being bi.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): I really don't understand bi people. Just yesterday, a guy thought he was bi, and after all was said and done, he wanted to be straight. An agony uncle told him porn messes with your mind. (or some gay experience) So to me, it seems like a choice. Is this what you really want? Are you sure it's not brotherly love feelings?Whatever path you choose, your girlfriend needs to hear the truth. She will be sad, but grateful you told her before vows were said before all her family and friends.take care
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reader, sexylinz +, writes (2 February 2009):
 let us know how u get on! good luck!
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you to everyone who has replied. I really appreciate it. I am going to go home tonight and talk everything through with her.
My friend has been texting and phoning me all day. I have told him to give me some space until I sort everything out with my fiancee.
Thanks again.x
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A
female
reader, didda123 +, writes (2 February 2009):
 You are going to hurt her a 100 times more by continuing your relationship and actually marrying her because i can tell you now it just won't work!
This thing you have with your friend is not a passing phase it has being going on for 5 years now and i think given time and a few years in the routine of marriage the relationship with your friend could become even more appealing and one way or another it will end up ruining your marriage.
Be strong and let her go now, i know it is difficult but she will find someone who can truely love her for the woman she is, you will make many enemies within your family if you go ahead with the marriage just to save face.
Whether you love her or you don't if all you can think of is this guy i would at least postpone your wedding and have a real heart to heart with your fiancee.
Sort it out now and live the life you wish for x
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male
reader, Frank B Kermit +, writes (2 February 2009):
You ARE hurting her by living a lie.
Be honest with her, and give her that honor of being able to make an informed decision.
Your "bi" ness will not just go away even if you cut out your male friend.
Break off the engagement, and set her free. She deserves to be happy and find a loving partner that wants her more than any other person.
You know what you need to do. Find the courage to do it now.
-Frank B Kermit
www.franktalks.com
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reader, sexylinz +, writes (2 February 2009):
you need to tell you're girlfriend about how you feel. the longer u prolong this this more hurt she will be.
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male
reader, xxSABBYxx  +, writes (2 February 2009):
follow your heart, best advice you can get i think!!xxxxx
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female
reader, laureneli  +, writes (2 February 2009):
Well obviously you need to do what makes you happy. Do you really want to be attached to someone you're not happy with for the rest of your life? That's a very long time, and you should'nt go into a marriage expecting a divorce. Just tell her exactly how you feel, and yes, she might be hurt but she will eventually get over it.
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male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (2 February 2009):
 you need to go for the one you love-its that simple
otherwise it will unravel at some point and be messy
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female
reader, Mels +, writes (2 February 2009):
Well, first of all you need to know what your true feelings really are. If you are not in love with her though, no matter how much control you have on yourself, you will end up making it worse and hurting her more in the long run. Please if you leave her, just make sure a trusted family member or friend, will be there for her because she will be devastated. And pls, tell her the truth, it will help her knowing why this is all happening, rather than use her time wondering why you don't love her.
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female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (2 February 2009):
If you are not in love with her then you have to call it off with your girlfriend. You seem to be trying to use her to get over him, and it will not work.
She's been through a lot so why would you put her into a loveless situation where she will be stuck with you and never able to find a guy to worship the ground she walks on? Don't you think she deserves better than a guy who is settling for her because he can't have the one he wants? You seem to have a pretty low opinion of her if so.
I think you should end things with her. It will be horrible and will break her heart but she will be free to find a man who LOVES her then.
You yourself need to be single for a while. Figure out what you want and get your head straight. Hopping from one relationship to the next is NEVER good for anyone involved so go and figure out what you want and then go for it.
Good Luck!! xx
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