A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So my boyfriend and I have been going out now for 4 years and everything is going great. He went to uni last September and I took a while to get used to it but after being apart then spending one month solid together and being apart we have encountered no problems, and as crazy as it seem we often talk about a future together, I have known him since I was 14 and I’m now 18 (19 in April) and he is 19(20 in September).But last weekend I went to visit him at uni and ended up going to a party which I originally wasn't going to, anyway while I was there one of the other students started hitting on me, stroking my leg and generally saying nice things. Now I no you may say here why didn’t you stop him but that’s the thing, I didn’t want to. up until last year my self-confidence was rubbish and I never interacted with boys(only my boyfriend) so have never experienced the chase if you like or even flirting with a boy(this never happened between me and my boyfriend) so it felt nice to be admired, and to actually take part in some flirty conversation. I told my boyfriend all of this and he was totally fine with it he even suggested a threesome with this person, part of me would like this but then again is this wise when this person has made me feel, well sexy. My boyfriend still makes me feel special and I still intend to have a future with him. Shall I just accept my boyfriend’s idea and see that it remains a one off or should I tell him that it’s not a good idea?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (18 January 2012):
 Don't do anything you really aren't fully comfortable with, especially threesomes, and especially as you have a history of low self-esteem.
Please take care and be sure you aren't with someone who is manipulating you because you are still uncertain of yourself, okay? There's a chance he's trying to introduce someone else into the sex life because you two have been together a long time and he's not really ready to become monogamous. It's a lot to ask that someone pick their life partner at age 14. It's okay to revisit the future of the relationship from time to time.
Pushing for a threesome when you aren't into it seems like a good time to revisit the commitment of both partners to the longevity of the relationship. Have a heart to heart, and please be sure to stick to the strength of your own convictions and be aware that your viewpoints and feelings are valid, okay?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all of your responses , they have been very helpful I have chosen not to go through with it as you have all made me realise that I was only going along with it because it is something my boyfriend has wanted to do for a while. Each time things seemed to get serious with the idea of a threesome I stalled.
Thanks again
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2012):
Oh, and perhaps part of your personal growth and development may be that you need to experience life without a boyfriend for a while, to see what flirting and 'feeling sexy' feels like. Just don't go crazy and sleep with every guy who put his hands on you; that's a recipe for disaster, not to mention STDs and pregnancy scares.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (17 January 2012):
I think going from zero self-confidence and feeling rubbish about yourself with no experience with the opposite sex, not even flirting, and going to a threesome in the next is a very bad idea.
Get more comfortable in your skin and in yourself before introducing the potentially damaging and confusing issues that a threesome could bring. It might send you right back to where you started.
I think it's a bad idea.
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (17 January 2012):
 I'm one of those girls who rather loves a threesome. My boyfriend and I often do indulge and are going stronger than ever after a year together (more or less). Having said that, ours is not a typical relationship - he knew when getting into it that I was not going to be monogamous and it was part of the underlying understanding that we had that I would be indulging in sexual encounters involving other men.
Yours is a more conventional relationship. I suggest you think this through rather than taking any impulsive decisions. As a general rule, threesomes are not a good idea if two of the people involved are in a relationship. Maybe the two of you aren't spending enough time together.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): My advice is don't do it. I have seen how this has ruined relationships, and it's not worth it in my opinion.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I'm not really interested in the new guy as a potential boyfriend, I think it was mainly to do with the fact he made me feel that I was wanted by not just my boyfriend and having no previous relationship myself I have never had any other admirers other than my boyfriend.
Also I'm confidant that he has seen no one while we have been together, he is a shy person and generally avoids party's at uni. I will still ask when I see though just to see his responce.
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A
male
reader, SonOfMan  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 Honestly - don't bother. From what you have said it sounds like you have been with each other and everything has been fine but now you want to try new things.
There are many things which everyone doesn't experience, it doesn't mean we're missing out. We have to have rules and boundaries in our lives to keep us safe and out of trouble.
The fact that you would like to entertain such a thought and your boyfriend wants to have a threesome with another guy just seems like you don't really know what you want and it may be just an excuse to get out of the relationship.
Take the time to think about what you want and what's best for both of you. You are still young and it's up to you to take your life in whichever direction you choose. Make it a constructive one.
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A
male
reader, Kyle007 +, writes (17 January 2012):
If you want a mutually monogamous relationship, don't do this. Also, his being so casual about all this indicates he may not want one.
Ask if he has seen anyone else, male or female while you have been involved.
Sexual adventures like this and "future with him" do not mix.
I need to ask you, do you want the new guy instead? You don't have to answer me, just be honest with yourself.
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