A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:ok, so this is long, and complicated, and tricky, and anything else you can think of...i've been with the most amazing, wonderful guy for 2 years on the 1st of may this year, he lives in london, and i live in the south west of uk in cornwall, that's right, we are in a LDR.nearly 4 years ago, i was with someone who lived closer(this question is not about my ex, i'm just making the point that i was also in a relationship before) and i had a friend who was at college, she got friendly with the people on her course, like you do, and there was this one guy she was close friends with, although i don't think she really wanted to be as good friends with him as she was, she introduced us, on the day i was hyper on energy drinks and despite being in a relationship, after introduction i was linking his arm all day, making funny sexual inuendos out of everything, he admitted i seemed very forward and he didn't like it, and would have never spoke to me again but apparently there was something about me that made him continue a friendship with me..so we met up more times over the summer months, and by the end of it, we had done pretty much everything apart from sex and oral, i don't even know how any of it happened, everytime we met one thing just led to another..then we just stopped talking, i sent him an email one morning, no reply, my friend who was in college with him tells me hes been kicked off the course, then a few weeks later she showed me a news article from the local newspaper on her iphone, and this guy had been convicted of inciting a minor and having child porn on his computer, i was shocked, thought to myself "well that's that over and done with, i won't talk to him again".things changed, i broke up with my ex, was single for only a few weeks, then got with the guy i'm with now. then a couple months later, a reply to the last email i sent him came through, i thought i'll reply, and see what he has to say, we started talking properly via email, but i didn't want any other contact with him like we had before, then in the last few emails he suggested exchanging phone numbers and meeting up, i then woke up and smelt the coffee, stopped emailing him and deactivated my email account.then a few months later(last february/march) i needed the account for something, so i reactivated it, i thought nothing of it, but a few days later, an email comes through from this guy, everything came rushing back, and in my head i thought "does he ever give up?!" but i thought i'd email him back out of kindness, we got back to talking properly(again), he explained his situation, and we carried on talking like normally, then the beginning of last july, he suggested we should meet up, and exchange numbers(again), this time i agreed, we started meeting the end of july, the first few meetings we were just talking, we would walk around the city he lives in(he lives just a 20 minute train journey from me), then one time that we met he just reached over and gave me a hug, for the first second i wanted to push him away and say "what on earth are you doing?!" but i just reciprocated, then he let go, i asked "what was that for?" and he said "for being such a good friend"the weeks went by, and eventually things got more heated and we moved onto kissing, then one day he went to hug me, but he went to put one of his hands down my pants, or at least that's what i thought, so i stopped him, and stepped away, asked what he thought he was doing, and he said "that's how i hug girls, i really like just putting my hand on their mound, over their underwear but under their trousers" i found this strange, we continued emailing and meeting, he explained what he's like when it comes to friends, girls etc. and to me his ways were totally screwed up(one example is every girl he is friends with, regardless of whether they have a boyfriend or not, he HAS to get so close to them that they have sex regularly, and if they say no, he will fall out with them and think they are a complete bitch) and over time between us things advanced even further, we moved onto touching. eventually we were alone at his house one evening, and one thing led to another and we had sex, protected, and he didn't even ejaculate(i know that does not justify it but still...) we have been keeping a 'steady rhythm' so to speak up until now, but i think i have really woken up and smelt the coffee this time, and i don't hate him, hate is a strong word, i just don't want there to be anything that there has been between us ever again, i have a boyfriend, he has no idea what i have been up to, but recently he has been curious as to why i am spending so much time with this guy, but then he spends alot of time with a girl near where he lives, he could be playing the exact same game for all i know...there have never been any feelings between me and this guy, and there never will be, my heart is with my boyfriend, this guy knows that, but he has these very persuasive ways about him, not physically, but mentally, besides, he's not even good looking, and has a rotten attitude about him.has anyone got any experience with something like this? am i in the wrong? my friend? or my boyfriend? or even all 3 of us??what do i do? i don't want to lose either of them, but i want my boyfriend as a boyfriend, and my friend as exactly that, a friend, not a fuck buddy, or a friend with benefits, just a friendthankyou for reading, i'm sorry it's long, but i want as thorough an answer as possible, and it helps to save too many questions
View related questions:
broke up, ejaculate, friend with benefits, fuck buddy, kissing, my ex, porn, underwear Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (17 January 2012):
 You haven't smelled the coffee ! Nowhere near that. You must have smelled chamomile, or poppy seed, or opium- something that put you totally to sleep.
Why would you want this shady character with his sleazy seedy ways and habits as a "friend "?. Why do you even ask if your bf could be in the wrong, how's the poor lad guilty if you cuckold him regularly ?? Where do you live, for believing , or pretending to believe, that it's Ok and innocuous to put your hands under a woman's clothes to hug her ? what do you CARE if this perv won't stay " friend " with women who reject him sexually or will think they are bitches ??
I understand that some people can be dangerously persuasive and insinuating for some poor hapless lonely creatures... but why you ? You are not alone ( you have a boyfriend ! and a wonderful one as for thet ) nor sexually unexperienced ( ditto ). Neither a child, nor senile , nor hopefuly mentally ill. You really have nothing to gain from this " friendship " and much to lose, and it seems so self evident that I really doubt that " coffee " has ever reached your kitchen, let alone been smelled.
Just stop. Cut contacts. Block him. Change your nos. Spit him out from your life as the unsavoury disgusting morsel that he is. And , in your best interest, do it FAST.
A
female
reader, natasia +, writes (16 January 2012):
 It's pretty simple. The 'friend' is some kind of narcissist or sociopath or both or something else, and is manipulative, and has probably read lots of books on how to get girls when you aren't physically appealing. He is a type. There are guys like this. They are determined to prove that they can get a girl to do exactly what they want, even if she thinks she doesn't want him.
So, as I said, it is simple. You have a nice boyfriend, who you sound like you love and want to be with. So completely cut off forever this other guy. Cut him off and never speak to him again. Ever. In any way.
That is what you should do. No good will come of your set-up with him, and you could get hurt, or worse, and/or lose the one good thing, which is your real, nice, genuine, proper-person boyfriend. So don't mess with that.
...............................
|
