A
male
age
26-29,
*oryC
writes:I met my girlfriend when we were both in grade 3. We have been. Friends every since and started dating when we were 16. I recently proposed to her and she said yes but we have gotten many mixed responses from family and friends. I did ask her parents for permission. They said yes BUT said that they thought we were to young and thought that we should wait until much later. My girlfriend would like to get married during the summer and I think it's a great idea. Both of our parents think we should wait another 3 years before we actually get married and have questions our real reason for getting married (my gf is a Virgin and wants to wait until she is married before we have sex) but that is not the only reason we want to get married. We know we want to spend the rest of our lives together, we love each other and are happy with our relationship and see no pint in holding off on a marriage.At the end of the day a wedding is just a party were our marriage is forever, we want to start our life together and since she has always wanted a wedding I think she deserves that so we both can have our fairytale ending. Are we crazy to think this way ?
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female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (13 October 2016):
 I think they want you to wait so that you will avoid getting married and divorced just a few years later. It's better then to wait until you are a bit older and more mature. That's what they mean. Because they think that if you marry each other now, you will get divorced in just a few years. They would rather that you "test" the relationship through these years to see if you are devoted to one another. If you pass this test of time, then they will be happy to see you married. But right now they don't trust that either of you are in the right place and have the right intentions and are mature enough to see it through.
There is no such thing as "starting life together". You're already alive. You're not going to be reborn through marriage. There is also no such thing as a "fairy tale ending", that's just fairy tales, as the name implies. Besides, what ENDING are you talking about? In fairy tales, the wedding is the end of the story, yes, but in real life it doesn't end there, and you need to think a bit further ahead. That is what your parents are trying to tell you.
I say sure, just get married, why wait. But you asked us why your parents don't want you to marry yet, and this is the reason why.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 October 2016): My husband was 19 and I was 16 when we met. I got married 4days after my 18 birthday. Married at the courthouse. This year was our 32 anniversary. Follow your heart..you have to live your life for you..not for whatever other people think. If you live your life for others you will end up having regrets.Life is full of chances if you do not take any what kind of life is that.Do what makes both of you happy for you two not for others.Good luck
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2016): Everything So_Very_Confused said is correct, when you marry follow your heart but please bring your wit and head with you. Youre incredibly young, yes some people marry at a young age and stay together and love together for many many years. Those are the special relationships that stand the test of time and set examples for us all but for many many relationships nowadays, things are complicated. Please focus on your feelings but also on practicalities.
Do you both work? If one of you get sick, how will support one another? Are you sexually, physically, emotionally, mentally and monetarily compatible? Do you both wants kids? What if one of you develops an attraction to someone else, how would you both handle this and will you talk about these important issues? What if one of you move away for a job, will the other follow?
Youre extremely young--- Life is so much more complicated now than before where people marry their highschool sweethearts, have one job for rest of their lives, have kids, stay in their hometown and live the rest of their lives in one town! Now there's intercommunication, jobs that ship you overseas, people go thru many life stages and career changes now, we live longer and may love many people thru our lives, there is school life and personal life, there is facebook and online dating, sex is easier to get now than love, and commitment phobes everywhere, there is crime and global news everywhere, there is social alienation due to technology, we can fly all over the world now and move in a blink of an eye ---all these plays a factor in our everyday lives and they shape and change. What im saying is life today is so different from even 20 years ago! There is temptation and there is boredom, yet love can still be very real.
If you believe she is the one, go for it. But understand things are always changing, and your love must grow with one another. Not stay stagnant. Good luck
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A
male
reader, CoryC +, writes (12 October 2016):
CoryC is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe is a full time nursing student and works part time as a waitress. I am currently working on an apprenticeship working towards the hours I need to take the next part of my electrician course. I get paid and I rent my own apartment and we both have cars (they were gifted to us as graduation presents by our parents but we pay insurance and any upkeep needed), We both have health coverage as long as we are in school. She had an apartment with some friends.
We would like to have kids someday but want to be out of school and have full time jobs. We don't want to have a baby right away and we have already talked about birth control options that we can use.
I have no idea that a wedding cost , I just listen to want she says. Her parents have told her in the past that they would pay for her wedding but if they don't then we are happy with just going to our church and gettting married. I would love to give her the wedding of her dreams but my budget would have to be small so we can afford the things that actually matter. Like I said a wedding is just a party and a marriage is for life
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 I got married at 21.
I got divorced at 29
What you want at 21 is NOT what you want at 25 and what you want at 25 is not what you want at 30.
Sure it can work My mom was 19 when she married my dad. He was 21 they were together until the day she died except for that one time when he had an affair and moved out... and then she forgave him....
When you get married you need to have these questions answered:
where will you live
how will you pay your bills
what about health insurance
what about transportation
what about birth control or children?
what about education and advancement?
if you get married now who is paying for the wedding?
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Do both of you have jobs? How academically qualified are you? How do you plan to support her once you get married? Are you capable of taking care of the financial implications of bearing and rearing a child, should your girlfriend get pregnant right away?
It's fine to romanticize your situation now since you're young and in love but believe me, marriage is hard work. It takes a good amount of money to maintain a decent standard of living and raise a child. You need something to sustain your relationship after the initial hunky dory romance wears off and you better be prepared for that. Marriage is in no way a fairytale ending; au contraire, it's the beginning of a lifelong journey which isn't always easy. It's a road that's strewn with hardships, compromises, tears, laughter, sadness, joy... basically a test of both of you as individuals and as partners. It isn't always easy and needs tremendous maturity from both sides.
Think about your decision before you take the leap. Listen to your families, they might have a point.
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A
male
reader, CoryC +, writes (12 October 2016):
CoryC is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe are both 20.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (12 October 2016):
 Are you 18 or 21?
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