A
female
age
36-40,
*orever_His
writes:I need some advice. My boyfriend broke up with me only because his child's mother came back around and now the only way he can have custody of his son is to be with this woman. Let me remind you that she took him away from him by getting him arrested for domestic violence, and placed an order of protection on him, forcing him to stay away. Now all of a sudden, she wants her family back, 2 years later, after he had fallen so in love with me. I need to know if anyone out there knows if although all of that was placed on him, could he fight for joint custody? He said he still loves me, but that all he wants is his son. But yet, now he's saying that he loves her and me. we had sex 2 days after breaking up, and he was trying to have sex with me the same day that he and her "got back together". He said he would love if he could have me and his son, but that he can't have him if he's with me. Does anyone else feel as if I should be upset that after 2 years, my relationship was taken away just so that he could get his child? I'm not being selfish, but when he tells you he still loves you and wishes he could have both you and his child, but can't do anything about it, how would you feel?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 May 2009): well that is that then. you have accepted your situation and don't want to change it.
good luck
A
female
reader, Forever_His +, writes (17 May 2009):
Forever_His is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe was never married to her, and yes as of right now, we are fuck buddies. His family loves ME and does not want them 2 together. They don't like her one bit. He's telling me that we will get back together, just not until he shows her that he's changed, but in all reality he is still the same person I met almost 2 years ago.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): i read your long post, you have already inferred that they will have sex. althoug he says he choose his son, he is choosing to have sex with her.
if you read your post without the bias then you will see your situation clearly. only you can decide whether you are only going to be his f*ck buddy. because that is what he is making you become. once you choose then you only have yourself to blame when this situation plays out for the next few years. your best years would have been gone, you will be bitter, and still known as the other woman/mistress. be ready for lonely nights, being alone during xmas and other good days while he plays happy family with his wife. also be prepared for a few short minutes with him (but only so that you have sex with him), then when you give it to him, he goes off to be the faithful hb and doting dad.
my darling, he choose his wife and their son. not you. you are so young to be caught in this mess. try to think clearly with your head and not emotionally. you have been hurt so much already. one thing to bear in mind- men rarely speak the truth about their wives, they always make them out to be the bad ones yet they continue to f*ck their wives and mistresses too. only thing the mistresses are too blinded/ consumed by so called love/lust to see it. i hope this is not your situation.
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A
female
reader, Forever_His +, writes (15 May 2009):
Forever_His is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks to all who commented. He is listed as an abuser because of her is why he says he cannot get custody of his son. He keeps telling me that he does still love me and that it truly broke his heart to break up with me. She lives like 4 hours away and is driving here so he can spend time with his son. He says that she does understand that he really could care less if he was with her, but that he just wants his son. We just broke up a week ago, and yes, had sex 2 days later. They have not had sex yet, but by tonight, I'm sure that will happen. He's hurt me, but he is my first love and the first person I've had sex with. We've broken up once before and he was telling me then that I needed to move on and get over him, but in reality he does not want me to be with anyone else. I know him all too well in that area. Yes, I do understand that his child comes first, but when he's telling me that he loves me, and that he wants to be with me, but that he simply CAN'T, I'm gonna believe that he does love me. He says that she won't let their son be around me, although she doesn't know me. She's judging me because I'm getting upset and wanting my relationship with him to work. Now he is the type of person who when he's pissed off, will say very hurtful things but does not mean them and so of course with me reacting the way that I have, only when he's mad does he say that he never wants anything to do with me again, but then he keeps calling and texting me. I won't be allowed to talk to him this weekend because they're spending family time together, but he said I'll call you Monday. The sex situation, with her being 4 hours away and him being one that can't go much more than a week without having sex, he will be calling me again for that. He's already tried to get me to once since they've been together. He says he chose his SON, not her, that he really doesn't want her, just wants him and that he has to be with her just to prove that he's not the same person that he was before and then that's when he feels like he could try to get joint custody. What bothers me alot too is that she has another child younger than their son with another guy, but yet it seems like that little girl is being pushed off to the side so that she can just try and come between us by saying that she loves him, after talking alot of crap about my bf. She's bi-polar, according to him and also this other guy that she had the little girl with says she is really crazy. I know he still loves me
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A
female
reader, summerslady21 +, writes (14 May 2009):
Sounds to me like his babies mamma needs some type of 411 on stupidity! He is dumb for going back she's going to put him back in jail when she finds someone else to support her! Yes he can fight for joint custody and he will win expecally if she kept him away from his child for two years! That's illegal and he needs to know that before he gets arrested again!
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A
female
reader, moshie  +, writes (14 May 2009):
 Thats a very complicated situation and many people would simply be mad or upset about it for ages. but the best way to get over your problems is to:find a guy that will share his love with you and will do anything for you! When he says he loves you, if you hear it as words of truth- he is the one and the one will stay with you. I f you hear something else when he says it- he is not the guy you are looking for.
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A
female
reader, All4MyLove  +, writes (14 May 2009):
Yes , you should be upset but you also need to try and understand that it must have been a hard decision for him.
It is very unreasonable of his ex to trap him like this and to have him arrested on top of that. (unless of course there was violence)
If he was aquitted then he may have a chance for joint custody in court. But if he was found guilty he will very likely not be allowed unsupervised visits unless he can proove innocence (by getting her to admit it wasn't true..)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): His child comes first.. Thats all I am goin to say!! Kids should always be num 1...
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 May 2009): your bf must not blame his wife - he is making excuses. he made his choice and he chose HER. HE IS LYING TO YOU. and he still expects you to have sex with him.something is not right. he wants both but is a coward to admit it. you wasted 2 yrs with him, how many more yrs are you going to waste on this dishonest man. lies, lies and more lies from him. he made a decision. he chose her over you and he is not man enough to tell you. what does he do - he makes excuses. he is not man enough for you. why don't you stop the sex and then see what he does. believe me, now what he is back with her he is also having sex with her. it is called life and he is enjoying it.sorry to tell you this but he is now using you. i hope you dump his sorry ass and meet a better decent man that has the balls to act and be a man.
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