A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:im 38 he's 36. met last april. he has a 3 year old son that i got on with brilliantly. the childs mother is the problem and caused lots of trouble as she doesn't want him to move on. it all got too much after 6 months and he bailed out. i was devastated. i text his ex to tell her she had got what she wanted,not a good idea i know. she sent me loads of abuse back. a few weeks later he said he made the biggest mistake of his life and wanted me back. i agreed of course. only trouble was he said i couldn't see his son anymore as she would stop him seeing him. i said i would do it but not for ever. after 3 weeks of only seeing him a few hours a week as he worked nights, and not being able to spend any time with him at the weekend with his son and family as it hurt too much, i told him i couldn't do it.he said he didn't want to lose me and he would sort it, but when it came to it he was too scared. we have been texting the last couple of months although it got nasty . one minute he hated me, the next he wishes things were different as he loves and misses me. this frustated me and i got more angry. i wounded him and pushed him further away. he asked me a couple of weeks ago to talk and i agreed. he just wanted to thank me for everything i did for him but he said he was finding it hard and had been remenissing. he text me after he left and said he would regret it for the rest of his life and that he fell for me again and didn't want to leave it there and he never stopped loving me . i told him i felt the same and he said we could try again. i didn't hear from him for a couple of days so i text him and went on a rant saying he couldn't do this to me and it would only work if it went back to the way it was. he backed off again saying forget what he said and forget us. i was devastated. my sister text him and said stop doing this and to leave me alone. he said fine. she told him he would push me into the arms of another man. he then text me with a smutty comment about hope im happy with my new bloke. that was five days ago. i didn't text back. shoujd i just try to forget him or will ha realise waht he lost.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): hi, i'm the one who posted this and i'm a mess. i asked him could we meet up at the end of january when he was moving out of the flat he rented near me to move back in with his parents. i went round to see him and have a coffee while he was moving out. when i got there he was really nice and was talking about the things we did together, then he held me really close for about 30 mins and wouldn't let me go, he even kissed me. i left and he said he would miss me. i drove away and of course i was so upset and just broke my hart when i got home. i text him to apologise and he said he was sorry too. i then poured my heart out and told him how i felt but he just got angry and called my sister every name under the sun for sending him a message to tell him to stop playing mind games with me. he said there was no me and him and that i have to let him move on, i said i loved him so if that was his wish, i have to let him go. he has sent me a few texts since, but just general stuff and i have just replied with one word answers. i have not contacted him at all which is really hard. why does he still contact me if this is how he feels. i can't eat or sleep and i'm off work at the moment and having counciling sesions. people tell me he will regret it as his ex will always cause problems no matter who he is with but the thought of him with someone else destroys me. we had something so special and he was the one who always said i was the best thing that ever happened to him and he never wanted to lose me. i've tried everything to try and save it but he doesn't want to know.
A
male
reader, emad khan  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Its impossible to have any good relationship when there is game playing going on. Its sounds to me that you both are playing head games with eachother. If you ever want to have a functional relationship with someone, honest, positive communication is essential. Sounds like one big twisted mess, with family members getting involved, etc...
Keep it simple... 1- if you love this guy let him know that in a clear way, i.e.: "Hi, look I love you I want to be with you. If youre interested, lets make it work, if not, good by." and then, if he's not sure, you have to live your life. move on and end it. If he is really interested, then you both are going to have to work on your communication skills, because- if you guys keep playing these head games- forget about it.
Its taken me a while to figure out this relationship stuff, but finally I've realized, that communication is really key in a relationship. People can argue for hours over whos right or wrong, or about minor things like leaving the toilette seat up, or whatever...but really what is being said is, "I'm hurt, or lonely, " or whatever.. an argument may have absolutely nothing to do with the subject that youre arguing.
When for example he says "hope your happy with your new bloke"... what he's really saying is, "I love you, i just don't know how to say it, and i can't stand the idea that youre with another guy".
no offense, but this is pretty childish stuff...you'd be alot happier if you learnt the art of clear communication. Once you do, your relationships should improve.
So...tell him clearly what you want. If he rejects it, calmly say good by, turn the other way, and don't look back...look forward to a better relationship without all the nonsense.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, pollard527 +, writes (17 January 2008):
 hi.. i kinda understand what your going through.. ive just been through a similar situation, although i never did get as far as you did..
I now sit and wonder what is happening all the flippen time.. its a horrible situation to be in.
good luck karen
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Are you sure he isn't still involved with his ex? I don't understand why he would agree to not let you see his child. If she won't let him see his own son because of the fact that he has another woman in his life (you) all he would have to do is tell the court what is going on, and they would make her let him see his son, wether he has a girlfriend or not. So that's not a very logical excuse. Also he keeps playing these games with you. He sounds very immature. Why are you guys texting back & forth? As adults it seems very childish and immature..him especially. He needs to stand up for himself against his ex and I don't see why he can't as he seems to like to treat you badly in his texts. This is why I think he may be seeing her or hoping to get back together with her. Do not text him back. Move on to someone with less baggage and drama, someone who has their head on their shoulders and knows what they want & are open & honest.
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A
female
reader, DearDolly +, writes (17 January 2008):
 I think the mistake in this suituation was getting family to fight your battles. They say whatever they want because they know its not going to affect their personal life.
Saying that you've been pushed into the arms of another man is going to make him think you've moved on so if you really want to make a go at this relationship with him i suggest you tell him the truth and make it quick before he decides to do the same, and move on. Once he thinks this i doubt he'll come running back so you need to make the choice of whether you want to be with him or be done with him. He needs to tell his ex to stop being so childish with the visiting suituation or take it to court if you do decide to stay with him. Also these text's you mention sound alot like hes messing with your head tell him to make up his mind.
Good Luck
Dolly
x
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