A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:It was my first love 6 years back, we were crazily inlove with each other. After a year things became distant and disturbed. One fine day he called it off...but after some discussions, we decided, we will try our best. But then things turned for the worse, he started taking me for granted, every question I posed, would go with "let's See" answer. Then he shifted base and never called back. I am now married, I guess he is married too. But I am still struggling to forget him. It feels so void and depressing at times. My husband has been very understanding and patient with me, and I would really like to burn the past. But I am just unable to. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2008): Thank You Birdy.I am trying.
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (18 January 2008):
 Ooohh. That's kind of weird, don't you think? To believe in that? I would just ignore any part of what you have heard and don't entertain any "truth" in it. If you dwell on that possibility, spells or charms or even luck for that matter, or invite it in by using any "protection", it just invites it all in to your head. If you choose to walk away from it, ignore it and don't participate in it, it isn't true for you, and it's not something that can be, because you don't believe in it. Believe in yourself and your own strength of mind, believe in your marriage and believe in your future.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): Thanks Guys, birdynumnums and Bayleex!
Those were beautiful days of my life, I am just not able to think or accept that they were untrue and the love, those moments were no true.
Birdy, thank you for those wonderful suggestions, especially the one on Journaling, Am going to start it today. there were lot of things that were attibuted to my suffering, black magic , etc... Yet it feels nice to know that there are souls who can still understand and patiently reply.
They say when u want to forget something, it hardly goes out of ur heart, It is not that I love tht guy still...certainly not, I would never take him back in my life. I am in love with those beautiful memories, with myself, as I was then, carefree and loved. We felt each other so deeply that we were becoming each other, true that he has outgrown me, and I am trying my best.
I love my husband very much, and I dont want my incapacity to outgrow this pain him in anyways. I am having a perfect life with my husband, and our families, i dont want this indbility to be a hurdle.
As I told you, there have been assumptions that ex or his family had practiced black magic for my state of mind. Just dont want it to be so.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 January 2008): You can't burn the past.
Good or bad, your past has shaped the person you are and you shouldn't just erase it.
You cannot pick and pack who you fall for, and so you cannot pick and pack which memories you have.
Just keep the bad things there as a reminder of what that relationship cost you and of the things to avoid next time.
Flynn 24
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (17 January 2008):
When a man becomes that distant and disturbed, and doesn't answer your questions, there is usually a reason, Dear. The thought has probably crossed your mind. He most likely had his mind elsewhere because he was seeing another woman. You probably are stuck there because you never got closure. You didn't get closure, because he didn't talk about why you split up. I don't think that you will get any closure from contacting him again, the problem was with his communication skills, not yours. There is the additional danger that this guy could use the residual feelings that you have to talk you into having an affair, I only say this because I suspect he is that kind of guy, the kind that always has some on the side and doesn't care about anyone else's feelings. SO, it would probably not get you any closer to closure, and it could put your marriage in danger.
I know that you are feeling miserable about all of this, but I have to tell you, the WHY? question is the thing that is always the hardest to deal with in a break-up. I wish there was a statistic to quote that would tell you how many ex's want the answer to that question - "Why did he leave me? Why did it go wrong?", but I would venture to guess that it's THE big question that we are all left with. I know that's still the question that I never had answered properly by the guy who broke my heart when I was 16!
I don't mean to pass it off or seem glib, but you have to concentrate on your marriage and being happy with your present. We can control our thoughts. You can banish those thoughts and teach yourself not to dwell on this non-productive, self-destructive thought pattern that keeps leading you back to "WHY?". Wear a rubber-band around your wrist and snap it when you find yourself dwelling on the past. It's one technique that helps. Journaling helps. Keep a daily journal and write down ALL of the things that you are thankful for each day, rewarding the positives in your life instead of the negatives.
If you ever really get to a place where it is affecting every waking thought, it's time to talk it out with a therapist and sort it all out.
I'm hoping that there was something in this that you can find helpful in letting the past go. Time is also a great healer, each day provides more distance from our past and brings new things into our life. Even if it is always a part of your past, it will fade with time and become nothing but a faint memory. Take care, hope this helped.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 January 2008): Honey you need to move on! Your married! you need to put the past behind you and put your attention to your husband. He my be understanding know but if you keep dwelling on it he may start feeling that this other man means more to you than him. Somethings wrong with the marriage or you would not be thinking of another man. Get over it he has!
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A
female
reader, bayleex  +, writes (17 January 2008):
 Quite honestly he sounds like a wanker pardon my language. Instead of thinking of the past think of the future you and your husband are going to have. You will never forget your first love the person who stole your heart all that. Sounds like your husband is very supportive and loves you very much becuase there's not alot of men that would stand for second best. You can't change the past but you can change the future so look forward to your life with your husband.
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