A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My Fiancé and I have been together for 2 ½ years and have a very happy and loving relationship. We have talked about threesomes before and came to an agreement that if were to have a bloke then he would choose who and when, and if it was female then I would choose and I was happy with this. Well a couple of weeks ago, I went to a mate’s house who wanted to take some boudoir style pic’s and had a female friend (Angela) round who she was taking pic’s of to, who I had met for the first time. Whilst taking these pic’s Angela said to me to take off my engagement ring. At first I did and then I thought it was very strange as I was having these pic’s taken for my fiancé, so I placed it back on my finger. When my man came back from being out with boys I showed him the pic’s of me ONLY he got very turned on. Anyways we left and I had invited Angela out with us to a party. We end up back at ours with Angela and Jack a work colleague. We were playing board games when I picked that she was flirting with my fiancé. I didn’t say anything as I thought I might have been seeing things. My Fiancé was totally oblivious to this. We went to bed with those 2 sleeping on the sofa. Whilst in bed with my fiancé enjoying some raunchy sexy time together, he says to me I wish Jack wasn’t here we could ask Angela for a threesome. This totally shocked and threw me. Since then I just keep getting this sick feeling go through me, I don’t know how to deal with it. I keep thinking that he fancy her and wants to sex with her. This has put a lot of pressure onto our relationship. I have asked why did you have to select HER and he say’s that it’s cause we were having the pics taken but I do keep telling him that we weren’t having the pic’s taken together. If he had just simply suggested a threesome then I would have been ok with that, it’s just that he selected her, WHY???!!! He keeps blaming it on his drunkenness. But when we got in to bed he was telling me how much he loves me, so was that bullshit with his drunkenness? I just don’t what to believe, I’m heartbroken and devastated. I’m Feeling very insecure now when I never have before. This has hurt me so bad. He assures me that he has made a really big mistake and wishes he could turn back the clock. I know that he hasn’t cheated on me but it feels like that. What do I do? Please help as I love him very much with all my heart, We have talked for hours and it seems that we move on but I keep having flash backs of him saying what he did and I get that gut retching feeling . I don’t know how to get over it and move forward?
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cheated on me, drunk, flirt, heartbroken, insecure, move on, threesome Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 August 2010): Would it have been equally a turnon, had you requested to your B/F that the guy stayed over. Why not suggest to your B/F that you invite them both (guy and girl) over and have a 4some. See his reaction.
I think that you should both talk a lot more before doing something like this. Are both of you confident enough in your relationship to be able to see your partner with another? You should both explore this together. You may be surprised or it may open doors to a really interesting and loving relationship.
Good luck
MT
A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker  +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Shall I be harsh?
You've spoken about a 3some with another woman before. He saw pictures of you and then spent some time with both of you. He thought it might be a good idea if she was the third.
Natural progression of thought processes.
You are over-reacting. There's a few other home truths I could go on about but never mind.
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A
female
reader, Catflap1  +, writes (26 August 2010):
He was just being stupid. You have both discussed having a threesome and she became a possible target because of the way things happened and the pictures. This is a fantasy isn’t it? Or is it real? You said IF you have a threesome. Have you agreed that you will? You said he could choose the girl......she flirted.....he suggested her....there we are.
What you are left with is an unclear message about whether this is in your plans for the future or just a fantasy. Neither of you know where you are, or are sure of how you would feel if it happened.
Please listen to your own insides in his situation. I don’t know anyone who has had a threesome and stayed with their partner or husband/wife. It exposes the relationship to danger and while it sounds like fun, the insecurities brought in are really bad! One wobbly leg on the three legged stool and the thing falls over.
Sex is safest filled with whatever fantasies you like but kept within a loving relationship. This threesome thing has become a bigger issue since porn really took off in recent years and people feel entitled to whatever do whatever they like and men seem better at cutting off the emotions so it suits them easier (until they see the bloke their girl being penetrated by a cock larger than theirs that is!)
Protecting people who are precious to us takes a bit of control and a lot of compromise but reaps big rewards, self esteem and loyalty.
I know some shy men who talk big but would never want to have sex except in a loving relationship. Others fall in middle ground and although generally faithful play with the idea of extra spice but may never really intend to do anything about it. Others are more likely, some are obvious. You can usually know by how much porn they do, would they pay for sex on a stag night, their attitude to women and family, morals, humanity etc.
If you know that you are loved, that your partner considers being faithful as essential to your relationship and that he is self-aware about the issue of protection in the relationship, this is all hot air and put it aside.
You know how you would feel now about another threesome with a girl. He needs to really think how he would feel with another man. What is the other man was bigger or had a better body or you ignored your fiance for a second because you were enjoying the other man more? The reason people have been encouraged to be faithful is because it works best. Orgies, love triangles, open relationships have all been experienced before and the latest thing, but they haven’t become mainstream for some reason.....
You will feel better, give it some time and make sure you talk about it properly.
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A
female
reader, fishy fish +, writes (26 August 2010):
If you haven't approved once on the whole concept and accepted it if the female was chosen by you then maybe he wouldn't have mentioned it this time, as for the girl, i believe him when he said that she crossed his mind because you girls were taking pics together, which means that he pictured you and her in lingerie and boudoir positions, see , men are very visual , you told him you'd accept a threesome if you get to choose the woman, then you take boudoir pics and tell him that angela was there, then he got to see angela and she was flirting with him, i mean what else can he be thinking? you offered his imagination a basket of apples then when he asked for an apple you felt hurt and depressed?
Stop making a bid deal out of it, you already showed him how much it hurt you and he showed his deep regret, you have a nice guy here , don't lose him for a silly incident as he seems to be so into you. and next time try not playing the super hot cool girlfriend cause it surely backfired on you this time .
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A
male
reader, mr toyboy  +, writes (26 August 2010):
It was just a once off thing and he really meant it because you guys have discussed threesomes before, but since he can see that you very hurt, he wont even dare do it behind your back.
Dont worry, you i ll be be fine with time/
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A
female
reader, spiderweb +, writes (26 August 2010):
 Very few relationshps can withstand a threesome. If you are feeling gutted by him even suggesting another women (in this case one whom he may particularly fancy, and who was attracted to him) can you imagine how much worse you would feel if you had to watch him with another woman? This won't work for you and it seldom does anything positive for any relationship. It's a fantasy and should remain that way and your best choice is to nip this whole thing in the bud and tell him that you will not tolerate him having sex with another woman under any circumstances. Being faithful is a choice we make when we love someone. If he can't respect that, you should re-evaluate your relationship and seriously consider whether this is the right man for you. Be true to yourself.
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