A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I have been dating this girl for 7 months now and things where going great at first. Then we started getting into fights and it seemed my only way of settling it was to break up and I have done it 2 or so more times now. So recently we got into a fight and I did it again, but this time it was out of anger. I said something that i shouldn't of that possibly could of ruined this relationship. She says she wants me to prove that I want to be with her and that I need to earn her trust back.For 6 months nows shes told me shes loved me and told me all types of things that had me believing that she was the one. But now shes telling me that shes fallin out of love with me and doesnt know if she wants to be with me.But now i dont know what to do, I guess im just overwhelmed with all this but i dont know what to do. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, sugar1 +, writes (6 June 2008):
I am in the exact same boat but it's been 3 years and I am unsure what to do as well!!! I know how hard it is! And I whole hearted believe that if you believe that it's worth fighting for then fight for it, don't fight alone. But for now let her have a little time and be happy with you for a while, I'm not saying break up and end everything I'm saying that right now they have something going on with them and they're not sure what to do either, they obviously care about you but they are not sure it's the kind of care about you that is forever, in my situation, he sees me as the woman he marries and he's just not there yet, and I sit here saying if you're so sure then how is this so hard, but for some people thinking that they could actually be in that place is hard... relationships are hard and no one ever can explain to you how hard they are until you are living it... I hope she's the type of woman that is willing to fight for it, even in the hard times... I hope I have that kind of man... the key to a marriage is never fall out of love at the same time, and really start picking your battles the more pressure you put on them the harder it is... you know you're in love with her... respect that she's struggling and need of some space and time... as hard as it is... give her what she needs for a while... and that's time... if things work themselves out in the mean time... then you'll know that you can fight for each other... if not then you'll have had the time to work on you... in your darkest moment... and I'll be doing the same... know your'e not alone! Love is hard, if it wasn't everyone woudl be happily married all the time... the best things come from the biggest sacrifices... you will understand this completely when you have children...
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2007): Hello there,
I'm not claiming to be an expert here, but I am currently going through the exact same thing. My boyfriend told me he wasn't in love with me anymore, after 7 months of professing hiw much he wanted to marry me and organizing to move in together. All of a sudden it was over, and I understand how you must be feeling- there is the feeling of rejection, inability to breathe, wondering what you did wrong, desperate messaging....we've all done it! Everyone says its important to preserve your dignity and don't beg, but its easier said than done, when your heart just wants them back.
I don't want to give you any advice, just a warm shoulder from someone who is in the exact same place! But sometimes if you just keep reminding yourself how bad the worst times were, and try not remember the good times, it can make this really tough phase go a little faster...remember the good parts later on, when you are strong enough to look back and smile, rather than cry.
Hang in there xxx
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A
female
reader, NJmomabear +, writes (1 May 2007):
 If its only been 7 months and the road is this bumpy, try to imagine what it would be like if you both had any real problems. I know its hard to let go but try to focus on how peaceful your life is without her. Nobody to fight with...or are they fights or just power struggles? Now is the perfect time to ask yourself these questions so you don't carry it into your next relationship.
BTW- there is nothing anyone can say or do to make me fall out of love with my x. Don't blame yourself. It was all her doing if she isn't in love with you anymore. You have to learn to accept that. You have no choice.
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A
female
reader, rammsteinfan +, writes (1 May 2007):
 In every relationship....arguments will come whether you want them to or not. They are avoidable..believe me!! But to break up over them that's not a good way of settling them! Not once but 3 times? And when when you said the things that you shouldn't have just made your gf feel bad about herself and that you didn't care about her. Gosh, if every marriage broke up over a few arguments and harsh words......EVERYONE ON PLANET EARTH WOULD BE DIVORCED!!!!
If the arguments were over being caught cheating, lying, and being just plain disrespecting the other party...then and only then is the time to break up!!!
There's consructive/creative ways to have arguments that will help the relationship grow stronger, not tear them apart. Please don't break up over silly arguments...otherwise your love life will suffer greatly!! Instead take it to God and pray about, if you love this girl and want her back.
I pray that this helps!!
God Bless!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2007): Hun, I feel badly for you but there is nothing that can be done...come short of begging her to reconsider. But the reality is: She's told you she's falling out of love with you and...I am sorry. This is truly a painful time for you and one that can't be resolved by wishing it was the way it was. I think you need to look after yourself here and there is no easy way to make someone love you back. All you can do is love yourself enough to take care of you.
I do however, think you need to be very clear with her and tell her that if this relationship has no future, she has to come clean and tell you, honestly and forthrightly, how she feels. It appears she is keeping you hanging. Tell her, none of this wishy washy stuff...keeping you on a string. If she is unable to come through, move on. Some women will string along guys in a relationship without commitment. It is easier for them not to change things. Don't allow that.
I might be best at that point, to try to avoid contact with her. It's will deeply hurt you to be around her...seeing her will be just a painful reminder that "she's not with you, anymore". Only time can help get these strong emotions into perspective. You can't fall out of love with someone overnight, after all, you need to grieve for this lost love. It's easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when you love someone who doesn't feel the same way, but it's vital that you get out and fill your time constructively. Surround yourself with friends, and lean on them to help regain control. Talking will help get things in perspective, but if that makes you feel uncomfortable then just time spent having a laugh in their company can remind you that there's more fun to be had being a free agent and a single guy. Take care, my dear and learn from this and move forward.
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