A
male
age
30-35,
*icky1989
writes:I used this website a few months ago and found everyone who answered a REALLY big help but I'm in another predicament now.Okay just to give you all a general idea of all the details, I have just finished college (messed up in my first year and had to start over again) and this girl who is a friend of a friend found out I fancied her in the first year of college but I didn't do anything cos she had (and still does have) a boyfriend.Early on in the second year it turned out he cheated on her a few times with this other girl but despite this she still stayed with him which tbh I thought was a mistake - both because I have feelings for her AND because I honestly believe if you cheat on somebody you clearly aren't happy with what you've got, and so to me it made no sense why they did stay together and to add to all this her bf is the definition of a jack ass - he barely calls her, barely talks to her, barely sees her, always drops her if he has the opportunity to meet up with mates, hardly goes out with her....all in all, there isn't really a point in them going out with eachother other then for sex.Now me and her have been getting along for the past couple of months and have been hanging out with eachother a fair bit. Me, her and a few friends went out on a massive day trip and we both seemed to get on really really well. Lots of hugging and talking but since then, she is now ignoring me and I have no clue whatsoever why - we've gone from talking to eachother every day either on the phone, facebook, by text or face to face to now not talking at all to eachother for near a week.I've asked her best mate (who she usually tells everything) why she's ignoring me but she tells me she has no idea but I don't know whether or not to believe her.I've texted her and called her a couple of times and tried talking to her on facebook about 5 times just asking how she is and what she's been up to but still no reply then the other night on facebook I just ended it with "I gtg now. hope i havnt pissed u off in anyway, if i have im sorry. any chance we can talk laterz just txt me or e-mail me and im all ears xxxxx" but still nothing.I don't get it. What could I have done wrong? I mean I don't think she should be with her bf but I havn't done anything that would be judged by some as innappropriate. All we've done is talk and hug on the odd occassion but I hug lots of girls so thats not an issue either.What should I do or say next? Why could she be pissed off at me?Any ideas for help are welcome :(
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reader, anonymous, writes (18 June 2009): Heh she never said she wanted to leave him, only you assumed that. You are just trying to find your answers and false hope into what she is saying. The Reality is that she is WITH HIM even despite the bad things.
Anyway, hope you've read all the advice given, let us know how it turns out.
A
male
reader, Ricky1989 +, writes (18 June 2009):
Ricky1989 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni guess you're all right...but i dont get it. i even joked around the other day about some stupid thing her bf does and then i jokingly said "well u sleep with him" and she replied with "dont remind me..." so if she wants to leave him why doesnt she just do that?
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (17 June 2009):
 Well she knows you like her, and you have been getting closer so now my guess is that she is starting to develop feelings for you too but knows she cant have these feelings because she has a boyfriend hence she is keeping her distance from you.
It doesnt matter what you think of her boyfriend, she clearly loves him if she puts up with his behaviour and only she can realise how much of an idiot he is! She will realise one day but I bet it wont be any time soon, so there is not much point in hanging around waiting for that day to come.
You havent done anything wrong here, the only reason I can think of as to why she wont be speaking to you is because she is trying to keep her distance! So I think you need to back off for a while, she will talk to you when she's ready. You have to respect that she is in a relationship and no matter how he treats her, only she can choose to end that relationship when she is ready.
Just dont say anything to her, leave her alone for a while to deal with whatever she is dealing with. Act normal around your friends and dont keep asking after her. She will speak to you when she is ready. And maybe stop thinking about this girl as a potential girlfriend and focus your energies on someone else. You never know, if she sees you with another girl this might just be the encouragement she needs to leave her boyfriend! Now I'm not saying use another girl to get to her, but a bit of extra flirting with another girl wont do any harm!
I hope this helps!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 June 2009): I'm agreeing with everyone that you should give her some space and stop calling / trying to talk to her a bit. You know she is avoiding you and she is doing that for a reason. A reason that only she knows but either way she needs the space. Maybe she needs to think. All in all, you are not doing or have done anything wrong so don't blame yourself.
I had a similar situation, the girl said to email her etc and that she was all ears but when we talked she kinda ignored me. So I emailed her once just a little chit chat. Then I stopped chasing coz well..it wasn't something i wanted to be talking to a wall, with a one sided view. After a week or two she came around and started to talk again and now its great. Little by little she's been explaining what was going on.
So I hope this helps, just be yourself and keep your head up, she will come around. If not its her loss, not yours.
Good Luck
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