A
female
age
30-35,
*uyen
writes:I have a girlfriend. She is so special to me, she is my everything. We have been through so much together. I love her and she loves me. There is only one problem. She is a muslim, so it is frowned upon on her religeon to be a lesbian. Most people accept her for who she is though, but the thing is, her mother doesn't.She doesn't like the fact that her daughter is a lesbian and she wants her to start seeing men. She also say's that she wants a grandchild. Unfortunatley for her, my girlfriend is an only child and she's a lesbian.This is dragging my girl down. Why can't her mother just accept her for who she is? Wouldn't she rather her daughter be happy with someone she loves, with someone who loves her back unconditionally and whom makes her happy? Or would she rather see her child unhappy? I really don't get this at all. I know that by her being a muslim, it's even more frowned upon for her to be a lesbian. I know this, but we can deal with that. It's just because it's her mother.She's so unhappy about this and constantly argues with her mother about this. I can't stand to see my angel unhappy. Please, can someone help me find a solution to my girl's pain? =( All I want is for her to be happy.Thanks,Tuyen
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2009): I hope you don't mind but I am really interested in your story. I am a trainee journalist and am currently writing a piece about homosexuality in the Muslim community. I would be more than grateful if you could email me so I might be able to discuss this with you. [e-mail address blocked]I understand there is a need to speak with absolute confidentiality and sensitivity but I am really keen to speak with someone who has had personal experiences.[Moderator's note: We do not make public email addresses on the site, if you wish to ask the poster any questions about their story you may write here on the main page or using your private mails. We do not recommend that you let private information as names or addresses out in the open for your own protection. Thank you.]
A
female
reader, loving arms +, writes (22 February 2009):
congratulations on being such a loving girlfriend! I feel sorry for you, as you must become extremely annoyed with your 'mother in-law' and yet have to be careful how you react as your girlfriend obviously loves her mother.
There is no easy answer babe, just try to continue with your support. You may never understand your girlfriends mother. Just try to accept that different religions and generations react differently to the things younger people think of as ok.
I wish you both happiness. And that one day your 'mother in-law' comes to realise how lucky her daughter is to have found love with you.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (22 February 2009):
It's going to be very hard for her mother to realise that not only does her daughter have all the freedoms that she probably wanted but could never have, but that she will never have a grandchild.
If you look at it from her point of view then it is pretty tough to take on. She probably feels guilty for "bringing her up wrong" and doesn't understand that there was nothing she did that "made" her daughter a lesbian. She may also feel bad that she only had one child and that means the family name and gene pool is going to end as there will be no marriages and happy families to come.
However that doesn't mean your girlfriend has to put up with it indefinitely. My advice is just for you to just support your girlfriend, help her to keep calm and then to help her get a great job and then she can get her own place.
Arguing never solves problems. If she can just stay calm, accept that her mum is being unreasonable and that you just need to keep repeating yourselves that she is happy like this that, she loves her family but is not going to start seeing men.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, cian  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 Hi Tuyen,
Thank you for your question.
Its challenging to deal with others ethics and morals when they are different from your own. Given that this is the case, its unlikely you will be able to sway her mom's opinion based upon her religious beliefs. While her mother may take years to become supportive and understanding that the situation between you and your girl is more permanent, you need to be there, like you are. Never stop being supportive to your partner.
The comments your partner's mother makes about children and such are inappropriate in a way, but a fair assessment of the mother's emotional state and perception. You may have to accept these for now.
On a side note, its also not unheard of for lesbians and gays to adopt, or use sperm banks. If your relationship dictates it, your partner's mother can still have her needs fulfilled...
In the end, a mother will always love their child, even if it is upsetting for them to accept some realities. So while she may be upset, she still will always love her child. (and maybe even you, one day!)
I hate to say that patience is the best approach, because its the most challenging to deal with. But give it the time it needs, and show that the reality is not just a phase, and they may come around.
Good luck. Bless.
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