A
female
age
41-50,
*mee_8080
writes:If you expect your friend to be a perfectionist and a true friend, would you not have to be the same?My friend was going through some issues in her life. from this point on, she would cancel plans on me, or if I wanted to invite her to spend time she would say she can't... but, she never gave me a reason as to why she had to cancel a plan or why she could not spend time with me.Sometimes she would agree and we would spend time.I got very insecure and jealous being left in the dark. I smothered her by constantly pressurizing her to give me time or at least tell me what is going on. She expected me to be a true friend - such that even if she gave no reasons, I should understand. Sick of arguing with me always and giving me chances, she cut me off and hurt me. I have apologized a few times sincerely by leaving long gaps in between apologies. She refuses to forgive me and give me a chance.I feel that if she expected me to be so true a friend that even if she can't give me reasons, I should understand, isn't she also supposed to live by the standard of being a TRUE friend and forgive me? especially, since she already taught me a lesson by cutting me off and its been several months?
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male
reader, Dazzerg  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 Good advice from other people. People do deal with things differently and I suspect you are a kind of person who feels that a problem shared is a problem halved where as she obviously isn't; seems to me like she pulls up the barriers around herself and trys to deal on her own. Neither way is right or wrong it's just different horses for different courses really.
She's not cut you off as a person; the pressure you were applying was just one thing too many for her to deal with so she decided to cut it out. So, it's not really you as a person she wanted rid of but the pressure you were applying. Can't help but wonder if there are deeper feelings on your side than friendly ones it has to be said but that is largely an aside.
If you have apologised there is precisous little else you can do now because the ball really is in her court. I'd tend to think that she will be back; recognising that you had good intentions and didnt mean to add to her stress she will contact you when she's through all this and realise her mistake, it is to be hoped at least. Cian is right, don't contact her again until she contacts you; let her work through what shes going through on her own time and she will contact you when she's ready. I know it's hard not to do anything when we feel so strongly but sometimes that is the only thing that can be done.
Good luck.
A
female
reader, shiraz * +, writes (22 February 2009):
hiyah, id just leave it and lets be honest your apolagising for what exactally? wanting to be a fiend and offer support and guidance to her. she didnt want that and has pushed you away, shes got deeper problems thats affecting how she is with others dont blame yourself, youve done all you can maybe its time to leave it and move on? she knows deep down youll always be there and pnce she sorts herself out shell come back to you but it takes time and she probably feels lonely and insecure and annoyed at herself for letting things get so bad. you dont know her situation and it could explain her behaviour. do the right thing and move on she needs space but at the same time probably a friend so dont cut off altogether, let her know your still around but then leave it you cant wait on hold all the time, its unfair on you, we all have issues and deal with them differently. this is her way. good luck xxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2009): It looks like she is more of a friend to you than you are to her. Friends don't cut their friends off for no good reason.
Maybe you should widen your circle of friends if this woman is the only one you've got. Stop apologising - she's the one that should be doing the apologising.
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A
male
reader, cian  +, writes (22 February 2009):
 Your friend is likely overwhelmed by her personal issues, and this could be depressing or embarrassing for her. What she doesn't need is more things to overwhelm her. I applaud you giving her some time, but insist that you don't push the issue consistently. When she is ready, she will ask you for time to spend together. (If you are true friends)
Clearly, you are close, so give it time. Don't feel insecure, jealous, or lonely. Spend time with other people.
But most importantly, just leave her be for a while. Don't call. Don't email. Don't anything.
A lotus blossom grows from a muddy swamp. Await for the beauty to return to your life.
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