A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I'm sorry if this has been asked before. I've recently split from my girlfriend but we still live together cos I can't afford to move out yet. Anyways she goes out the other night with het "friends" but she doesn't get home till 9am the next day. Concerned - I asked her where she'd been "at a friends" she says. I didn't think anything of it. Anyways for the rest of the day she's texting someone all day. Now I still feel something for her and was kinda getting suspicious so when she went to bed I couldn't help but check out her phone. I was enraged and also gutted wen I read texts she'd sent to a guy saying how hot he was in bed the night before and how she wants to bed him again soon. It's really bothering me cos she lied and she's being really sneaky and now everytime her phone goes off (and I mean every ten mins) it really pisses me off cos I know its him. I want confront her but I know she will flip if she knew I'd been snooping on her phone. I can't help think she's rubbing my nose in it. She's moving on and I haven't yet. I think she's being inconsiderate and out of order. How do I deal with all this. It's driving me crazy!
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female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (18 May 2010):
 Oh honey! You are going to check her phone and find stuff that you don't want to see or read! Why? What are you going to do with that information? You say confront her. Why? About what? You are split remember. And there is no way to "confront" her without her flipping out and tossing you out. You are gonna find yourself homeless in very short order. Stay out of her stuff/business/life. Find someone else to focus on.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 May 2010): well you guys broke up. she can do what she wants now. you guys shouldnt have broke up if you still have feelings for her. and i can see that she likes somebody elts and she has the right to do that shes not dateing you any more. and you really shouldnt have looked at her phone in the first place. you really didnt have the right its her personal life now, you guys arent dating. try and face rality now. and ya its gana be hard but the best thing to do is get out of that house. being with her is making you wana be with her even more and be more than friends. just tell her how you feel. if she doesnt feel the same way your gana have to move on. if she feels the same way great. and theres also a possibility shes trying to make you jelouse if shes rubing tings in your face. so really just try and comunicate and talk to her it will make a diffrence.
good luck
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 First, it's not mandatory you go live with mates or family. You can share with a roommate. People does it all the time.Second,what do you want to confront her about ? She is not doing anything,she is simply living her life- and also being discrete about it. She does not owe you any explanation about what she does with whom and when, and it's not her fault if you are jealous and intrusive.You really can't move out ? Then you'll just have to bear and grin.Keep busy,try to distract yourself, and keep away from her ( and her phone ) as much as possible.
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A
male
reader, topazadam +, writes (16 May 2010):
dude i sympathise with this, went through something similar. unless you are made of steel get the hell out of there before it does you some permenant damage. the biggest mistake i made was trailing my ex around for months as she slept with differnt guys. living with her must be tough but you must come to terms with the fact that she's not your g/f anymore. it sounds really cold but you have no business being in her life and the reason she's always in your face is beacause you are still living with her. get a new place as soon as possible. i know this isnt what you want to hear, but it worked for me. found a gorgeous girl as soon as stopped kidding myself about the ex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks untie e but its a bit more complicated then just moving out. All my mates and family have no room for me. It's getting bad cos she got a shower earlier and I cud hear the camera noise going off on her phone whilst she was in the bathroom! There must be someway I can confront her without her flipping and chucking me out on the street? I feel like it would make me feel better somehow if she was just honest. I've got a good mind to check her phone wen she goes to bed again but I know its gonna fuck my head up more but I can't help it cos curiosity and envy will get the better of me. I don't know maybe I'm just hoping it isn't what I think it is when I snoop her txt messages?
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (16 May 2010):
You really need to move out. You're no longer together, so she can do what she wants. You need to get out of there before you get into trouble for snooping.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (16 May 2010):
 It is officially over, The sooner you get off from that place ,the better it will be.I am sorry . There is nothing you can do about her anymore.
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A
female
reader, Carrot2000 +, writes (16 May 2010):
 It's not that she's lying and being sneaky, she's not informing you of her activities and whereabouts because it's no longer any of your business. If anything she's trying to be respectful of you by not bringing men home; now THAT would be rubbing it in your face. You can't expect her not to move on with her life because you're not entirely ready to let go.You may feel like you can't afford to move out, but really you can't afford to stay in this situation. Go on Craigslist, look for a shared living situation and move out! There really is no other solution.
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A
female
reader, Auntie E +, writes (16 May 2010):
Deal with it by moving out. Find a way. You started your question by telling us that you two had recently split - but you don't say why. That being said if you are "split" then you really don't have much say in the matter. She is no longer your girlfriend. Right? You say you still feel something for her - I can assure you the feelings are not mutual. Could it be you feel that way because she is seeing someone else? This will often stir passion/jealousy in people who then mistake that for love. It's not. Start packing your stuff today. You don't need to be a witness to this. You said so yourself - "It's driving me crazy!"
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