A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend is and always has been gorgeous. I love her dearly and since we've started dating she's lost over 100 pounds! She looks even more incredible than I ever could have imagined although she was always stunning to me.My problem is that I'm terribly jealous by all of the attention she is receiving from other men now! She decided to go to university after college and there are men everywhere that are after her! I've already completed my masters degree and am not around to "keep an eye on her".I trust her and I am certain she loves me and would never cheat. Although it's definitely a boost to my ego as I have a girl that many men desire...I don't know how to handle the jealously that goes along with it.I feel pressured to "put a ring on it" because I feel like I need a way to push the other men away but as much as I'd like to, the money is really tight. How do I handle this?
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jealous, money, university Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ToHereKnowsWhen  +, writes (6 January 2011):
 Don't forget that she's still the same person on the inside. Be happy and confident that this wonderful person who has worked hard to control her weight loves YOU and you are still the same person.I assume that to lose 100 pounds must have required a lot of motivation and willpower. She probably feels good about herself and deserves to.I don't think that putting a ring on her finger will make much of a difference to many of the men that are after her. Take a deep breath, step back and relax. Deal with your jealousy. Oh, and only marry her for love.
A
female
reader, Godchild  +, writes (5 January 2011):
Congrats on her weight loss it takes much dedication. You are a wonderful man for helping her lose weight and encouraging her. (How about a round of applause). Be happy that other men are attracted to her, but guess what she with you. Don't get jealous, them men means nothing, they are full of envy for you cause they want, what they can't have. Amen. Embrace it, be proud of her, and love her.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Hi - I'm the one that posted this question. Thank you all for your replies. It was very nice for you all to take the time and read and reply. I appreciate it.
I just wanted to clarify that I wouldn't marry her just to claim her as my own. We've wanted to get married for a long time but have had to hold out as we were both students and couldn't afford it.
In response to the comment about my own weight - I am not overweight and have never had a problem with gaining weight. I am & always have been a scrawny and awkward guy. My jealousy comes more in the form of how could I guy like me ever get a girl like her? I'm all for her weight loss. I did everything I could to help her - by going to the gym with her and cooking her healthy meals (we live together).
I'm not worried about losing her - I know she's in love with me and she makes it clear all the time. I just don't know how to deal with seeing men flirt with her and the messages on facebook about how hot she looks and that kind of thing.
By all means, I'm very proud of her success. I saw how hard she worked (and still works) everyday for it. I think the user "itsjustflirting" really put it into perspective for me (thank you). I guess I'm just going to have to accept it and move on. I really liked the car analogy, it's so true!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (5 January 2011):
 ~congrats to your GF!~
Now is the time she REALLY needs you. I'm pretty sure it's not easy for her either with all this attention, so be YOU and love her as you know her. And.... don't marry her "just" to keep others away. That just ain't right.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Has she given any real reason to make you jealous?
Has she only been with you (or a few men) before losing the weight?
I lost 50 lbs when I was younger and with the new found confidence and attention from men, I did explore my new options. But I never cheated.
Are you overweight yourself and you're afraid she'll go with someone else who isn't? Why not learn from her. It sounds like she's trying to take control of her life and determine her future. She sounds great. You also sound self aware and you seem to want the best for her. Why not marry her?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): You should only be considering marriage if you love her and that's what you two want, NOT because you feel it will be a deterent to other men.
To me, true love doesn't involve "keeping an eye on her". Either you trust her or you don't and you've already said you trust her.
Unless she has ever given you a reason before to worry (i.e. cheating on you, reciprocating the flirting from other guys) all you have to remember is this is a woman who loves and wants YOU as much as you love and want her.
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A
male
reader, ranger123 +, writes (5 January 2011):
You should be proud of your girlfriend for losing weight not jealous. 100 lbs. is alot of weight to lose and she deserves all of the attention she gets. If you guys have a solid relationship, you have nothing to worry about. But if you keep acting like a fool, you may.
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A
female
reader, petina1  +, writes (5 January 2011):
 I'ts a very common thing when a woman changes her image in any way, not just weight loss, it's like a threat to her man. All you can do is carry on being yourself and give her plenty of encouragement, she has done really well to acheive this weight loss. if you start to act differently then that would upset the balance you both had and then your relationship will suffer for it.
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A
male
reader, Itsjustflirting +, writes (5 January 2011):
 Jealousy sucks in more than one way. It sucks for you AND it sucks for her. It will just drive you crazy and getting married wont help the cause.
I have a very attractive wife and had to deal with my own jealousy issues before. Everywhere we went, some douche was hitting on her. And we WERE married. Eventually I realized what my jealousy was doing to her. It was embarassing. I can't fight every guy who talks to her. I was getting thrown out of bars, ruining good nights out.
Over time, and after seeing her brush guys off and always coming home with me, I just started to calm down. What I realized was it was what she did when they hit on her that really mattered. I looked around at the guys who had ugly women. Would I rather have an ugly woman, just to appease my own issues with jealousy? Heck no.
Be proud of her and of yourself! Hopefully she will realize that you loved her when she was bigger and hold that more dear to heart now that she's not. If you owned a Ferrari, people would look at it and stare and want to drive it, all night long, lol, but would you get jealous over that? No, you would love it. The difference? Unless they steel the Ferrari, they won't be driving it. With a woman, SHE makes the decision of what they get to do. So you need to have faith and trust that she will be good to you, if not, you might as well get out now because you will never feel at ease. It will eat you away until you feel sick, and that is no way to live. In hindsight, I see how stupid I was. I almost lost her altogether over it.
We started swinging a few years back and that really helped. What I thought would make me rediculously jealous, has actually helped a ton. Not really sure why, but it did. Facing my fears I guess.
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