A
female
age
36-40,
*razy beautiful
writes:I'm a reasonably attractive, university educated, independent woman in my mid 20's, i'd say i'm humorous, chilled out, my years in 'customer service' have led me to have an understanding of people- i'd say i'm an extremely loyal friend, and about as 'real' as you can get.Here's the problem, I only attract married/attached men, literally that's all i get, my friends and i have differing opinions, and i'd like a black and white answer from someone who doesn't know me, or, from an attached man who has strayed, and why he was attracted to that particular person in the first place!Thank you!
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female
reader, crazy beautiful +, writes (8 January 2011):
crazy beautiful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFinny!!!!!
A
male
reader, Fionnlagh  +, writes (8 January 2011):
 See. You're beautiful crazy beautiful!
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A
female
reader, crazy beautiful +, writes (7 January 2011):
crazy beautiful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionyou're all correct, in one way or another.
thanks for the advice! xx
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (7 January 2011):
 Random guess since I don't know you, but I think it's not bad luck, it's a personality/body language thing.
You sound like someone bubbly, vivacious, assertive. You probably send out vibes of approachability and openness- which may easily be mistaken for " I am up for anything " vibes.
I am not criticizing you, also because I am, or at least was, just like you. Outgoing,not shy, if I want to talk to somebody, I'll just do it; if I am in a good mood I will smile to anybody I come across. But... that's precisely the point : most girls are a bit more gurded, or reserved , or standoffish- whatever you want to call it
UNTIL they make (reasonably ) sure that they are talking to a single guy. Then, they will relax ,or turn on the charm - not before.
You don't have to change who you are, just be aware that being obviously "at ease in your skin " is a double edged sword. It attracts men, yes - ALL men, not just the
single ones :).
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A
female
reader, crazy beautiful +, writes (7 January 2011):
crazy beautiful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionSo, if i'm out, dressed up, having fun etc...how would a married man know if i'm funny/independent/mature etc?
Maybe I just have bad luck?
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A
male
reader, Flashtony  +, writes (6 January 2011):
where and how you meet these guys has lot to do with it, guys who cheat are attracted to bars, clubs etc.. they are also attracted to women who portray an image of availability, up for a good time etc...
You are clearly lively and vivacious... you will soon meet a genuine guy.. he's probably the one sitting in the shadows whilst his married mates try to talk to you!!
good luck
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (6 January 2011):
 A man will come along who is absolutely perfect for you and I'll bet you anything you will change your outlook on life, cos believe me it is tough out there and when kids come along you spend all y our time analyzing them and not yourself. So enjoy your freedom whilst you can, good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2011): I was a married man who strayed a few times before I got divorced. First was with a girl 13 years younger, which was a one-sided emotional thing only, and the second was with a woman my age.
From the perspective of a man who "has strayed", I can tell you my feelings. I was in a marital coma for so long, and a marriage that was passionless. I simply got tired of trying to make the love and energy work in my marriage. It was not reciprocated well by my wife. She hardly tried to work at it. We just plodded along year after year paying bills, watching TV, doing our jobs and tending to the house. Sex happened, but it was planned, routine and very one sided to her needs and not mine.
None of that is an excuse. I am horribly scarred for cheating. And so is she. But there was an overwhelming urge to be happy and I don't feel ashamed of that.
What these women provided was freedom. Their attention was something I had not gotten in decades, and it consumed me. I felt liberated being with someone so interested in ME...as I was with no conditions placed on me to act a certain way, talk a certain way, etc.
I have to say I gave up an awful lot to be free though. I had a house, a family, comfort, peace and dependability. All that is gone. I have to rebuild. But I get to do so with a woman who is more understanding of me, truly, than I ever had before. I have found my soul mate, and it is the sweetest feeling. So the outcome is bittersweet.
If you find yourself in these situations, I would try to get to the heart of the reason why these unavailable men are attracted to you. Many unavailable men are attractive to women because they have a lot of the things a single guy might not...big house, money, career. Married men spend a lot of time once the passion settles building a life. More so than most single guys. I know some single women percieve married men as being "safe"...kinda like the gay male friend thing. So maybe YOU are subconciously driving this tendency? Just sayin.
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A
female
reader, crazy beautiful +, writes (6 January 2011):
crazy beautiful is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your replies!I wouldn't say i suffer from a lack of self esteem, maybe ever-so-slightly egotistical!Am I supposed to change who I am and become more needy? I have my set views on relationships, I don't get jealous, i'm not clingy and annoying and i definitely don't nag! I like my space and have an understanding of the person i'm with.The guys i've been approached by often use the 'you're so different' line, whatever that means. I've even had one beg me to come to counselling with him and his girlfriend! WTF! At the end of the day, through the tears and frustration, i'm usually glad i'm not their partner ;-)
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A
female
reader, crazy beautiful +, writes (6 January 2011):
crazy beautiful is verified as being by the original poster of the question@ Auntie Poodles- your response is unintelligent, ill informed and completely ridiculous.Firstly, where does it say I continue to date them/talk to them once i've found out their marital status? It doesn't, so think about what you're saying before you label me as a slutty home-wrecker. When i go out, i'm with my friends, laughing, dancing whatever, i don't do any winking, i don't smile at them and I don't kiss them, they approach me. When I meet a 'bloke' I ask their status, thats how I find out, obviously. Did you read the part of my question that says i'm intelligent?if you actually believe, that a man cheating on his wife/partner is the 'other woman's' fault, you have some damaging views honey. Did you ever stop and think, that it's his decision to approach me? It's his decision to cheat, it's his decision to wreck his family, he is his own responsibility, as is his family, your comments are disgusting. I suggest you watch Oprah ;-)Finally, learn to read, learn to spell, and you get yourself a grip, honey.K?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Stop settling for who you attract. Start going after who you are attracted to.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): "so we target the ones who let us know they have low self esteem and won't demand much for themselves"
This is a good point, a lot of men do target this type of woman, who lets out that she thinks she is 'not attractive' or 'not happy with' because they do have low expectations and low self esteem, they are susceptible to being gamed and the men don't necessarily have to think about it much.
She tells you she isn't good looking, or that your husband/bf doesn't like her very much, which is an opening (more like an open request to receive compliments from them) to give compliments and move closer, you tell her that's not true, that she is "hot" and she smiles, and you are in good with her.
On the other hand, confident women scare those men away...and attract confident men who are players looking for a challenge.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): What petinal says makes sense. You probably send off vibes of being confident, mature, and emotionally/mentally stable.
I'm a married man who plays now and then and I'm extremely confident (stereotypical player, for sure). I will approach almost any type of woman if I think she is attractive. But the ones I really play for are the ones who seem to "get it" a little more, that understand the game, that aren't all caught up in what everyone else thinks, and who don't seem to care that I'm married (believe me, there are a lot of attractive women out there who don't care at all about my marital status).
But what I suspect, by the way you describe yourself and ask this question, is that you probably enjoy the attention from married or attached men. You like the challenge, you like the feelings of power. In other words, you send signals to married or attached men that you're interested. I've never yet spent any time picking up a woman that sent a signal that she wasn't interested after learning I was married.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Married men will hit on you based on how available you act and how convenient you are. Girls with high self esteem and good barriers are too much work so we target the ones who let us know they have low self esteem and won't demand much for themselves. Maybe because they had an emotional or physically absentee parent or recent break up or even suspended low worth from past cheater boyfriends.You might want to try going out of your way to respond to unatached men who are sending vibes your way instead of letting the taken ones use you as target practice. You are probably loyal where it isnt warranted and that will make you easilu taken advantage of.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): "I only attract married/attached men"
I had this problem in reverse, I seemed to be very attractive to married women, which drove me crazy, I'd meet an intelligent hot attractive woman who was very interested in me and then find out she was married/separated but not divorced.
My wife told me a week into our relationship that she had "something important to tell you"... I just knew it was coming...I was wrong, she had to tell me she'd been married and divorced 10 years before...whew.
Bottom line, a lot of married people, and those who are 'attached but not married', but not all of them, like to cheat or test the waters.
On the other hand, when I got married, then wearing a ring, it seemed like it was the single and divorced women who found me attractive and interested in testing the waters with flirts or comments.
Go figure.
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A
female
reader, petina1 +, writes (5 January 2011):
Being confident can actually scare a younger man off so that's probably where an older married man would feel more comfortable with you as they will think you are more world wisely and being around the circuit a bit. Would you be thinking about going out with an 'attached man', because then there's no loyalty to his partner in that?. At least if you see someone you like who is 'unattached' you will have no fear in making the first move.
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reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2011): Hi.well firstly,most men wont come to you, without you giving a hint.put it this way;you wink- you lead them onyou smile- you lead them onyou kiss.... your gonna lead them on.Next time you find a bloke you like, try asking his status.WHAT IF YOU GOT MARRIDED AND YOUR HUSBAND CHEATED ON YOU. YOUR FAMILY, EVERYTHING,YOUR RESPONSABLE FOR ALL OF THAT.IF YOU ONLY GET TAKEN MEN,THINK HOW MANY FAMILYS YOU DESTROYEDSORRY BUT ITS TRUE! GET A GRIP HONEY!try clubbing, where lots of single men are therek?Loveauntie poodles 3
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