A
male
age
30-35,
*r.S
writes:Me and my girlfriend 'W' have been together for almost a year and a half. We met at school and liked each other straight away. I was shocked to learn recently that she used to only like girls, and has in the past had girlfriends, but she says it wasn't that serious because she was young at the time. The only reason she chose to tell me now is that she is getting attracted to girls again and would like to do something about it. She says she wants me to be comfortable with this if shes going to try it. I don't want to hold her back or anything but i still see it as cheating even if it is a girl I need a way to tell her without sounding controlling or jealous or anything because i don't want to lose her to someone else. She's been asking for the last two weeks and i just keep saying i'm not sure, i haven't really said yes or no, and she keeps on at me about it all the time. I don't know how to say she can't in a nice way.please help.
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female
reader, lonesum dove  +, writes (1 April 2010):
 you have to be honest to urself, I was in a marrigae for so many year I have alway been attractive to women but curve my appitite, I knew that i could not totally love my hubsand i had to get out of the marriage to do what made me happy i did not want to hurt him but the longer i held on the more it distroy him i think if i had been honest at the beginning and told him that i was attractive to women it would had gave him the choice to stay with me or leave so i say to you think about what your next step is, if she attractive to women today she will be tomarrow good luck in your choice
A
male
reader, Mr.S +, writes (1 April 2010):
Mr.S is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks everyone for your help and advice, i think i will try and tell her it's not right and if she can't understand I'll have to let her go. i was afraid to do this i think because i know it won't go well and I'm not really ready to lose her. But now i understand from you're comments that she obviously can't feel the same way i do.Thanks again for all your help everyone
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (31 March 2010):
End it. She wants to have her cake and eat it while keeping you around like a safety blanket. The bottom line is that if she was really that into you, this wouldn't have even come up. She's not the one. Move on now before you get hurt.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (31 March 2010):
 You know what? You're both too young to be tied down in full commitment right now, even moreso as she is questioning her sexuality again. It's possible that this urgent demand for you to allow her this experimentation is a sign not only of her bisexuality, but also a sign that she is bored with the relationship you have.
I think you should let her go do what she needs to do, freeing yourself up to explore your options as well. There are many many girls out there with whom you might be more compatible. I know it's a lousy way to end a longterm relationship, but I don't see how this is going to end happily for both of you. She's got this rising level of frustration and desire for girls and is going to resent you from keeping her stuck in a rut.
I personally would not be able to stomach an open kind of relationship like she's proposing. I also would recognize that she's restless for a reason and it would be less hurtful for her to figure it out without my involvement. (Not to mention the risk for STDs, small though it might me.)
So to answer your question, yes, it IS cheating. Let her go, so it won't be. You'll preserve your sanity and her integrity. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (31 March 2010):
 I think you need to look at the whole picture here.
1. How would you feel if she wanted to "experiment" with other guys, not girls?
2. How would SHE feel if YOU wanted to "experiment" with other guys/girls?
Cheating is cheating regardless of WHO you cheat with. If she wants to experiment, then she cannot expect you to wait around while she does it. That shows no respect to you as a man, and no respect to your relationship.
She needs to decide if she wants a committed relationship, or if she wants to play the field and experiement with her sexuality. She cant have both, and it certainly is not fair on you. Now it is decision time.
Good luck!
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A
male
reader, TimmD +, writes (31 March 2010):
 Two Possibly Scenarios:1. Involving another girl should be considered cheating in your eyes and you just tell her it doesn't matter if it's another guy or another girl, it's someone else having your girlfriend intimately.2. Depending on your specific relationship with your girlfriend.... you tell her sure, but you would like to be included in the relationship with the girl she is interested in. If she agrees, then you've got a threesome, if she disagrees and says that's cheating you can tell her it's no different then her being with that girl either.If you are in a serious and devoted relationship then trying to get a threesome would not be the route to go. Introducing another girl into the mix could complicate things. Also, if you're like me you would consider either a guy or a girl cheating. I only suggested the threesome if you're in the type of relationship that is only kinda/sorta serious and you get the chance to experience something a lot of guys only dream about.Good luck....
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (31 March 2010):
 You need to tell her straight out, She is bi and their are men who accept that poly behavior and are comfortable with it. I don't think you can change her because its part of her sexuality, but I do thinks she should be faithful and not cheat because she is in a relationship. Talk to her be honest and tell her you are not okay with it.
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A
male
reader, 2old4this +, writes (31 March 2010):
 First off she WAS and IS still young. At this point no matter what you say, she is going to do it anyway. I would just say to her I am not comfortable with it and im not ok with you pursueing it. And that if she cannot promise that she will stay faithful then you two should part. Because if you just say no then she will probably do it behind your back and you will get hurt anyway.
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