A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm a senior in high school, and recently started seeing this amazing girl, who's my age. She seems perfect for me-smart, funny, and really sweet. We get along great. The only problem is that's she's about four months pregnant. The father is her ex-boyfriend, who broke up with her when moved across the country. She really has no plans to tell him, and is going to give the baby up for adoption. But, I'm still wary of getting too involved with her because, first of all, people automatically assume I'm the baby's father, which I'm uncomfortable with. She also seems a little regretful about putting her baby up for adoption, so I'm concerned that she might change her mind and keep the baby, which would certainly complicate things. So, should I break up with her before things get any farther, or just support her?
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female
reader, sick  +, writes (24 January 2010):
i really hope when you say you are "seeing" this person,you are just really seeing her and nothing more.
to be honest i don't believe you are "adult" enough to be deciding on this. getting yourself involved with a pregnant woman who has not told the father that she is pregnant is a very risky business. it shows clearly how mature enough you are to handle the situation when she finally has the baby.
"seeing" you while she is pregnant is also equally irresponsible of her. i'm not sure she is even ready to be a mother. and that is sad because if she opts to give up her baby for adoption, she will regret it.
and now you guys have put yourselves in a catch 22 situation. if you stop "seeing" her now, chances are she will surely get her stressed. that is not good for her baby. on the other hand if you wait, you might find yourself in a very ugly situation.
i do not have a solution for you except to get counseling from a social worker. your problem is no joke and shouldn't be taken lightly. a social worker will be able to help both of you decide on how you should handle the matter. if ever there be legal issues that may arise from this situation, the social worker will also be able to help you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): You are so young to deal with this. I assume you have only been with her for a short time if she is only 4 months pregnant. I think this girl first of all should tell her ex boyfriend she is pregnant as it is only fair for him to know. Not only is it fair but he should have a say whether he wants his own blood given up for adoption or not. Maybe he will want this child himself if she doesnt want it. How unfair on the child knowing that the mother made a decision with out his fathers even knowing of his existence. As for you, this is a great responsibility you will have to face with at your young age. Most boys would want to enjoy life and meet girls until they are serious about something lasting. You should be thinking of University and other matters. But if this girl is someone you really love and you are willing to make sacrifices of your life for her and you want to be with her through every decison she makes, then you are up for a huge challenge. It has to be unconditional love for something this serious.
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A
female
reader, Angzw  +, writes (24 January 2010):
If you really like her, there is no reason why you can't ask to be just friends. That way you keep her as a friend while she sorts her love life out. Pregnancy is an emotional time and she could do with a good friend. However, she can't expect you to take responsibility for her condition or the baby and the choices that she will have to make. What if she decides to get back together with the father of the baby? Its very common for guys to run off then come back later to claim responsibility. Don't date her but remain friends then reassess the situation after the baby is born.
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A
female
reader, Yarou  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 Well if if you want you can still support her but dont get too close to her you know as if your not really going out if you dont want pople to assume that your the dad.
If you ;love her that much you have to support her but just dont get too close.
Im sure she would understand this.
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A
female
reader, Vcristina62 +, writes (24 January 2010):
RUN! RUN! RUN! run as fast as you can lol. otherwise your going to be sucked into drama you don't want or need. you cant predict the future. she may shes going to give the baby up for adoption now, but think about it shes going to be carrying the baby for 9 MONTHS!!! That's when mothers develop a bond for their child, when there in the womb, and she might not be able to give her child up. Also the thing with the father, that could also change. The decision is ultimately up to you, but i say break it off before you get too involved with her and things get too complicated.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Yes, you should break it off with her. You are very young, too young to support anyone in fact you are probably still supported by your parents. Then again, there is nothing that commits you to her and her child if she decides to keep it. Just, whatever you do, don't lead her to believe you would help her raise the child. I would say be her friend while she goes through this difficult time in her life when she needs a friend, way way more than a lover (look what her last lover did). Good luck, and whatever you decide to do, be a good person, but don't sacrifice yourself, don't be noble, you're 17 years old, you have many many more major life experiences ahead of you
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