A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am 21 year old female in college. I have been talking to this guy for the past month over our winter break through Facebook chat. On the first day back from break, he immediately texted me and asked to meet him at a bar...and we just madeout for the first time that night. The second time we hung out, we did everything but have sex. It has continued this way for the few times we have hung out this weeek since returning to campus. But I am very confused as to what he wants. We have a lot in common and we have both taken turns initiating hang outs. My concern is that we have only hung out at bars with his roommates and then back at his place or mine. Is it too early to expect him to ask me out on an official date? And lastly, I am a virgin and I recently shared this news with him because we have already moved very fast sexually. Was it too early to confide to him this information? I am just scared because the last time I really liked a guy, I came to discover we were just hook ups and he ended things because I was a virgin...my heart was broken. I can't let this happen again so I want to end it before it gets to that point.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 January 2010): You are right, about telling them you are a virgin flags off the guys who don't want to be in a relationship. But that is all up to you of course. If you are looking for a hook-up, something casual, and have sex, then that can be done too. But if you are looking for a relationship, sending of a signal saying "Im saving myself for the right guy" will scare the no-goods away. Great thing actually. I have just another trick that works on guys who say they just want to be friends. I tell them I have a boyfriend, and suddenly they aren't that interested in being friends any more. I wont comment any more on those type of guys...About how much you can give when, I have a few pointers that could be helpful. One woman on here once wrote that she always waits until she is in love with having sex. Thats a great one, because then you aren't setting yourself on a time-limit and can just go with what you feel, as well as it being a logical solution.What I did before was I would wait with sex (if this was a man I wanted a relationship with) for at least two weeks. The easy hook-ups actually never lasted two weeks in my book, they'd move on by then. Also, I know from the experience of others as well as using logic, that building a relationship on sex isn't the best idea. Sexual attraction doesnt make a good foundation for a lasting relationship. Get to know each other first! Thats why I had that two week rule, and those two weeks I started counting after we were an official couple (that means when you tell everyone you know you are a couple, and not sneak around at bars). Hope that gave you any good ideas!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): I would keep going out, but not getting it on with this guy. Deff stop all the touching and see if he sticks around. If you stop all the sex acts and he regularly checks in on your well being, interested in you as a person, you just might have a good friend to consider dating.Sounds like you don't know him very well. Don't even consider giving it up to someone you don't know, and someone who just comes around to see how far you'll let him go in each date.Your virginity and disclosure of it is immaterial. As you are curious about sex, the day of regular sex is on it's way for you, and hopefully with a caring and committed man who is there through all things.
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all for your responses! I found it really helpful.
I wanted to add that when he told him about being a virgin...he immediately understood that I was waiting to be in a relationship with someone before this happened. I guess my biggest concern right now is that he is no longer going to pursue me because of the cirumstances. And I know if this is the case, I need to accept it and move on.
Additionally, it is true that I should not be giving sexual favors so easily...I normally don't, but I'm pretty inexperienced with guys and I struggle to figure out when I should say no.
Is it a bad idea to tell him that I regret moving so fast? I really don't want a hookup with this guy because for me atleast, my feelings are more than just physical. I think I automatically assume that when a guy learns that I'm a virgin, they realize I want a relationship...and are either interested or not after learning this. Is that the case?
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A
male
reader, jc2008  +, writes (24 January 2010):
To be honest, if a guy dumped you because your a virgin, you got a lucky escape. It might have hurt then but imagine if it had developed any further. Tell him your a virgin, you talk like its somthing to be ashamed of but your obviously not the sort of girl who just does 1 nighters. If all this guy wants is a one nighter
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 January 2010):
 A sensible guy would not make a big deal out of this. You shouldn't have to bring it up. He doesn't need to know you are stressing out about this. If you bring it up in an untimely manner than he would think you are frigid and neurotic. The only time you have to tell him is before the sex act. Guys in this forum are going to tell you they appreciate virgins. They are here to help you feel better.I also noticed most guys on this forum are more older and more mature than college students.The last guy you had probably had it with a virgin, the virgin was in so much pain, everything became awkward situation so they just end things. Maybe his heart broken because he wanted to please her and have a good time. If you take this personally, then you are doing this to yourself. You are letting yourself get hurt for no reason. When you tell a guy I am a virgin, say it in a way that means "please be gentle," not like "don't break my heart."If you want a man who is gentle with your heart and your body, then the bar is not a good place to go.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): Could be that this guy is only looking for a hook-up too. Ask him where this is going and then judge by that.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): "we did everything but have sex"
in your second date and your not even going out... maybe your giving them the expression that your too easy!
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reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): I think the best thing to do is to ask him next time your either at his place or at yours. Tell him how you feel and ask whats going on before its too late and you end up hurt. you've got nothing to lose x
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A
female
reader, Vcristina62 +, writes (24 January 2010):
sorry to say hun but this sounds just like a hookup as well. He only makes time for you when he wants you sexually. And you telling him your a vrigin depending on his character will make him want to be your first because hes selfish or leave you because he doesnt want to take it. TRUST ME I just lost mine to a bf in OCT of 09 i was 19 and i deeply regret it. He gave me a ultimatuim. He said if i didnt give it to him then he would just cheat on me and he didnt want to do that so he would dump me. after a day of argueing I saldy gave in because i THOUGHT i was in love and ECT. after a month i realized we werent right for each other and broke up. Im telling you this because youve waited this long already and if someone shared a story with me maybe i would have choosen a different path :-/
I say move on, dont let a guy dictate you or make you feel like you need to do something to keep him. If he really wants you and is willing to have a relationship with you he will wait and do things on your terms! :)
best of luck
cristina
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2010): I think you probably won't know whether he is just looking for a notch on the belt or not at this point. Unless you tell him you absolutely want to wait, and that you are saving yourself for the right person, and that it will take an amount of time before you can be certain of the right person you plan on staying a virgin. If he sticks around after hearing this, and if he tells you it is okay and wants to get to know you more anyway then he's probably okay with it.
Male confession time: I dated a girl once who was a virgin, and the fact that she was, really made me try harder to be "the one" that she wanted to lose it to. When I realized I wasn't going to be the one, I was disappointed but still dated her until she broke up with me.
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