A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I really need some help here. Me and my girlfried have been going out for nearly 2 years (we are both 16) And she has yet to give me a blowjob or sex.I have tried to talk to her about it several times but she said she isn't ready for sex. So I ask her about going down on me and she says she doesn't like the taste.1. She hasn't tasted it2. She heard it off a friendI can't believe she won't do it just because of the taste which might not even be true to her as it is an opinion.Am I the one being selfish? She keeps telling me about how all of her friends do it with their boyfriends after weeks and I feel like ending the relationship on the spot, it annoys me so much how she doesn't understand how much I really want it.It's coming to the stage of me wandering if she is messing me about. I am tempted to cheat on her.Whay should I do?- anon
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male
reader, dirtball  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Don't worry dude, I'm not going to pile it on saying you're selfish, I don't think that's the case. The thing that you need to focus on is that she isn't ready. The promising to do it and backing out is a clear sign of that. There is too much emphasis on the importance of sex in your relationship and it is scaring her. 2 years is a long relationship this day and age, especially at your age. It's actually a bit of a miracle that you've lasted this long in your commitment to eachother, sex or no sex.
Sex should happen only when you are both ready. It complicates relationships and brings in a lot of concerns that you don't have currently. Are you ready to be a father? I learned pretty quickly after a pregnancy scare at your age that I sure as hell wasn't.
I think something that will help you is sitting down with her and telling her that when she tells you about her friend's sexual exploits, it makes you feel both jealous and unwanted. Let her know that you're willing to wait until she's ready, but you are wondering if there is anything she's willing to do to meet you half way. It is not too much to ask of someone who you love, and who loves you, to compromise about something that will satisfy you sexually and not have her feel uncomfortable.
Ultimately, you're going to have to decide what is more important to you. She may take another year, two, or five to be ready. Then again she could be ready next week. You need to decide if you are willing to wait. If you are willing to wait, then don't bring it up. Drop the subject entirely. If she feels that you're with her regardless, that may be just what she needs to get over her fears.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Hmm, having ADHD is somehow something I can control? I have respected her decision since we started dating, she has told me she is ready aroud 3 times yet when we get around to it she says she isn't ready. That's the problem, the teasing that I can't get it from her.
I want us to be passionate together, not just "that makes me cool let's do that" Because that isn't the person I am.
It's emotionally crippling for me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): look buddy sexand love are two very different things our world tells us that if we love someone we jump into bed with them but that's not the case in fact I believe that if you love someone you wait for them it shows them that theyre worth it to you Im proud of your gf for knowing that shes to valuble to give herself to a 16 yearold boy with his headinhis pants I didnt have sex until I got married! it was the best thing I did! show her you love her, wait for her
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): There's a difference between being comfortable around someone, and being ready to give themselves to someone. Learn that difference.
Since you guys are 16, you're both in school, right? Maybe she wants to wait.
And the fact that you "have trouble waiting"? Guess what? Most guys do. You're just using that as a scapegoat for your inconsiderate intentions.
And there are other ways to show your passion for someone. For starters: showing that you love them enough to respect their decision to wait. That's pretty caring, don't you think?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): My point was that I expected her to be comfortable around me after 2 years and it is making me doubt if she loves me or not.
It feels like she is rubbing it in my face because I can't get it off her, which is what started my mind thinking.
I don't believe I am as selfish as some of you are making me out to be, I have been kind, caring, honest for this long and one thing that I ask is something to show how passionate she is about me.
I have ADHD so it is hard for me to understand from her point of view how she is feeling. It also means I have trouble waiting for things, she knows this and seems to not care.
The cheating thing in my other post I wrote out of being angry at the time, when it came down to it I would never cheat on her.
-Anon
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A
female
reader, xanthic +, writes (18 August 2010):
 If anything, she should be the one to consider ending it. You've been completely ignorant of her boundaries because you're more interested in physical release than anything else.
She's mature enough to realize she's not ready to take that step yet, rather than cave in like many other girls her age have done. You need to be mature enough to realize there's more to being in a relationship than sex. Going through with something that emotional and personal before she's ready would only have a negative effect. She's already told you how she feels, you need to grow up and accept it or move on and let her find someone willing to respect her decisions.
Repeatedly trying to pressure her into something she's not willing to do makes it look like you're only interested in one thing, and want nothing else from her. Cheating would prove to her it was only about sex. If this isn't the case and you do care for your girlfriend, back off for a while. I'm assuming you have at least one functional hand, use it. She'll let you know when she's ready.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): You are being really unfair! You are both so young and just because you have been together 2 years doesn't mean she owes you anything, as you seem to feel. You weren't even legal until that age. Be respectful for her, if I knew my boyfriend was as selfish and only caring about his sexual feelings, then I would dump HIM straight away!
You are not going to get trust from any women in your life if you pressure them. Don't hurt her and make her do something she is not ready for, because that could cause issues for her fr the rest of her life.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): youre not ready for a relationship! if you were, you would be willing to accept that it aint gonna happen! stop pressuring her. You have no idea what kind of pressure does to a girl... 1. it's really annoying to get asked over and over again and 2. it makes her feel like thats all shes good for. props to her for not caving! grow up and get your head out of your pants
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (18 August 2010): Basically what everyone else has said: don't pressure her. You're being incredibly selfish. And you're seriously considering breaking up with her because she won't do something that makes her uncomfortable? You really don't care about the way she feels?
Honestly? I'd say end it with her. But not because she doesn't deserve you. It's because you don't deserve her. And she deserves someone who loves her and will respect her wishes to wait.
Think with the other head, dude.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 You are being selfish. If she's not ready for it, you shouldn't pressure her into it. The fact that you're tempted to cheat on her JUST because of this leads me to believe that you're just in this to get into her pants right now. In my honest opinion, what you just asked makes me think that she deserves someone better. DO NOT cheat on her because of this.
I hope that helps.
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A
female
reader, DiamondGirlx +, writes (18 August 2010):
 look dude im sorry but if the girls not ready to experience sexual things yet you cant rush her.. she might be scared in case she does it wrong, and if her friends are telling her their stories its obv putting her off, or shes just not ready!, dont cheat!! but if you dont want to wait around for her then end it with her and find someone else x
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A
female
reader, LeighLeigh  +, writes (18 August 2010):
 Dude... Just chill, I know this can be very frustrating but you need to stop stressing and relax for a bit!
She's more likely scared more than anything, she wouldn't have a clue what to do and the first time is kind of nerve-racking for a woman.Like fear of not getting you off, how it tastes etc.
Personally I do think you are being a bit selfish, have you ever thought of maybe doing it on her? Don't be a dipshit and cheat on her or break up with her, that is pretty freaking low! Give the poor girl time, her hormones are just as wild as yours! No need to rush seriously, you are only 16yrs old...
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A
female
reader, eternallyinfinite  +, writes (18 August 2010):
Since you're both relatively young, I don't think she is wrong or selfish for feeling that she isn't ready for sex. If you like her enough to want to stay with her, then you should wait until she is ready. That said, if having sex (or a blowjob) is really important to you, you should break up with her.
I don't think it's selfish of you at all to "really want it", but it IS selfish of you to expect her to give it to you if SHE doesn't want it. You'd be a douchebag if you cheat on her - there's never an excuse to cheat on someone. If you don't like the relationship, then end it.
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