A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:why is my gf acting this way. we've been dating for a year now...silly things wants her to stop the relationship. i love her to death and she's the only girl i want cannot imagine my life without her. it happened like 5 times she want to put an end to the relationship. the most recent one is when we argued about her male friend i just want her for myself and hate it when she's too close with other boys. i expected from her to set the friendship with this guy aside,who she has been friends with for 3 years and he admit to her last year that he's madly inlove with her. i want her to keep her distance from this guy but she refused and said that they've been friends for a long time and she won't put the friendship to an end but will probably not be that close to him anymore and that's the least she can do. i asked her to choose between me, our relationship and her dear friend. she said no she wont because we're not on a equal level...well later on i really got furious and was kind of rude to her coz she made me angry. after that she said it's over, she deserves more and her life will be better without a rude bf like i am...according to her im speaking like i want to to her but i did this out of anger really. the next day i begged her to forgive me and i was wrong to be acting like that to her i also sent her flowers and well the next day she did forgive me. but yoh this aint the 1 time she wants to end the relationship, ain't her love that much to me! i asked her why do she keep on acting that way by just want to put an end to this special relationship and she answered: when things is getting too hard for me i leave everything i'm not one who fight for something i want? please guys tell me why does my gf have this behaviour? or is her love not as much as mine is for her?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 May 2008): When it comes to a relationship, there is no-one person at blame, you are both in this relationship and it is up to both of you to maintain it, you probably should work on you communication skills with her (in getting your message across) without finding yourself in an arguement and getting angry at each other, and she needs to respect your feelings and see that if you are feeling insecure, it's more than likely because she is not treating you like she is "in love" with you. Atm it sounds like a bit of a battle of wills
While my g/f has more male friends than female, which I am fine with, but being friends with ex's and/or friends that are "in love" with your partner are just asking for trouble and you have reason for concern, there is no reason why she cant still be friends with him if she has given him the time and space that he needs to get over her and find a g/f of his own, but i would still have one cautious eye on him around your g/f
If you really want to see what they are like together then you should take the advice below about hanging out with the two of them and see how they act around each other with you being there, dont go looking for excuses to be angry at her, just watch body language and see if they look to be uncomfortable around each other having you there, thats a sure fire sign that somethings wrong. But dont go there all angry and looking for reasons to be upset as your mind set will show through your body language and he'll definately feel uncomfortable and you still wont be sure, just don a smile and have a good time, get to know him, see what kind of guy he is, just dont make it obvious to him that you have a problem with their relationship even though she has probably told him bout you anyway so he may be treading careful waters around you
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2008): well i was placed in this position recently. she might feel like you're asking her to give up part of her. like if you had a friend that was a girl and she told you to stop talking to her, wouldn't you feel the same way? maybe she just wants to keep her friend. trust her.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): really eerie but going to be honest i am in the exact same situation cept im the friend (your name wouldnt have to be david would it?) and in my case yes i admit that im still in love with her but thats all im going to do sorry for disagreeing smurai rick but i dont want to fuck her i just want to be there for her just ease up a bit if they are friends then thats all it is calm down and asess the situation if she is spending far too much time with him or you catch them alone together then thats the time to worry
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A
male
reader, Arkiteck  +, writes (5 February 2008):
Once again, I have to disagree with Laura. (sorry Laura) What your GF is doing is wrong, plain and simple. While you are not her boss and can't control her, she is supposed to respect your relationship. The length of time of a "friendship" means shit; it's the depth of the relationship that matters. I recently have gone through the same thing with my GF. Fortunately for us, she realized what was happening and cut if off w/ the guy. Essentially, what ur GF is doing is using the guy as a substitute for the qualities you don't have and/or lack, and that in turn makes her feel good about herself. It's a tricky situation that has to be handled carefully.
I can obviously tell that you're extremely jealous of this guy. Everyone here is accusing you of being controlling but I wouldn't go that far because it seems by your story that this has been the only case where you've asked this of her, but you tread a fine line here. Another thing to consider, you said your GF said she's not the type of person to fight and gets up and leaves? Is this really someone you would want to be with, much more be in love with? I would suggest you break up with her anyways and move on as she's wasting your time and you could use all the energy you've invested in her into a relationship that's worth while.
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A
female
reader, Laura1318  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 You asked why your g/f have this behavior, but I asked you back , why do you have that behavior?
Your love is more than her love for you but your love is not true love . It is possessive love. You are jealous of her relationship with that other guy.
If your g/f loves you , she would not mind you being jealous, but if she does not love you ,your jealousy becomes a problem to her.
You cannot tell her what to do . That is controlling or manipulating her and no one likes to be controlled.
You either have to accept her as she is or you release her and find another one.You don't have a choice. You need to grow up and be sensible , gentle and loving to her.
If you love her, you have to give her space and take those craps .Love is not without a price.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 "She needs medication, her male friend wants to Fu** her". What on earth are some of you people on.
The poor girl doesnt want to be controlled, and why should she be. You are the one stirring up the trouble, not her. All she has done is to stay friends with a guy she has know 3 times longer than you. Do you have no respect or trust in this girl at all?
It seems to me, taht the only person that should be accused of needing to grow up is yourself. Its very hard I know, to not let jealousy get the better of you. But your relationship is doomed anyway, if you dont learn to trust the one you love. And anyway, all the hissy fits in the world, wont stop someone having an affair. It only pushes them towards it.
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A
male
reader, SamuraiRick +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Ok, I’m just going to make this crystal clear so you can focus on what really matters here. Friendship is friendship. But when one of the friends, the guy in this case, is in LOVE with the other, it’s a fire waiting to be started. She wants it to be a friendship, he doesn’t. He wants to fuck her! Doesn’t she get that? No, of course she doesn’t, and she’s being immature and a flake. So hell yes you have a right to be angry at her and want her to end this relationship. He may end up raping her if he gets the chance. They may up drunk together on a “friendly” get-together and he will take advantage of her. Doesn’t she think about these things? She is being stupid for allowing him to be near her and teasing him like she does. So you have to tell her straight out: this is not a friendship!….because your friend is in LOVE with you. It is up to her to end this and allow him to move on.
If your girlfriend cannot accept this then it may be time for you to move on. She is not only stupid for stringing this guy along, she is being blatantly disrespectful to you. If she wants to hook up with him of course it’s entirely her choice…but you don’t need to stand by and let it happen or potentially happen. You have a voice in this too. You don’t need to apologize to her, when she is the one being wrong here.
Now if I were Tony Soprano I’d hire a couple of goons to take care of this guy. I don’t think you have to resort to that, so let’s be civil here and talk to her. If she can’t accept breaking things off with him, you better decide if you can live with this. I personally wouldn’t. She’s got a lot of growing up to do, and maybe you can help her do it. If she can’t, then you grow up and leave her.
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A
female
reader, welshbrunette +, writes (5 February 2008):
 Firstly...why should she give up someone she is obviously close to?...just because he is male has no relevance to the way she feels for you.And, she obviously does feel alot as she takes you back. Even though you are acting like a spoiled child. Unfortunately, the problem lies with you. You feel insecure with yourself and your relationship. Keeping someone you love all to yourself, never makes them love you anymore. It just causes problems. This will just make your girlfriend turn to others for support...including her male friend.He may have let her know his feelings for her, she classes him as a friend and nothing more. It's you she is interested in as a boyfriend...but relationships are meant to be fun and happy. You really need to talk it over calmly, accept the fact that your girlfriend has friends of the opposite sex and just concentrate on you and her and how to be happy together.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (5 February 2008):
 I know exactly how you feel, and I've reacted the same as you in the same type of situations.
But, a lot of people don't feel the same as us. Other people think that there is nothing wrong with being good friends with someone of the opposite gender, even though they have a significant other.
You have 2 options to consider:
1.) She sees your rebellion about her friendship with this guy as trying to CONTROL her, and she is fighting back. Something like:"You are not my BOSS!"
2.) She likes the attention from this guy. Since she is young, she may not be ready to be commited to a steady boyfriend.
Perhaps you should find a female to be really good friends with on the side. She will never know how it feels, until it is done to her. (Am I a trouble maker, or what?! LoL)
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A
male
reader, TomWilkinson +, writes (5 February 2008):
 She has this behaviour because as much as you dislike it, it isn't your place to tell her who she can and can't be friends with. I've been through this myself, but the other way round. She didn't like my friend and I kept refusing to end the friendship. Eventually I became so frustrated with her I ended the relationship because of her constantly trying to make me choose. Stop telling her to choose you above friends or you could lose her
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): by the sound of it your gf still loves you and wants to be with you. she mite be going through a bad time in her life which she isnt telling you about. just sit down together and talk calmly dont get angry with her whatever she says. 90% of the time this will help and sort your relationship out.
if this doesnt work then you could go to your local gp and they will talk to your gf for you and the gp can give medication if needed to help with the way she is acting.
you also cant stop her being friends with this male friend.
but the next time that she see's him you go with her and pretend that your this guys mate. he should believe you.
you might then find that he is a nice person and just become friends with him.
if non of these suggestions work let me know and there is more ways of helping you and your gf. dont worry
hope everything goes ok and good luck!!!
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A
female
reader, Ele  +, writes (5 February 2008):
You don't have the right to tell her who she can and can't be friends with. You just have to trust her and let her make her own decisions. It sounds like you are very controlling which is probably why she keeps breaking up with you. You shouldn't give her ultimatums either. It's childish.
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