A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:hello there my name is carla, 6 weeks ago i found out my husband has been having an affair for 8 months, he finished the affair because he felt so bad and dosnt know really how he got into it, i had an operation and had a great deal of pan and i have been really nasty and bad tempered, i am a hard worker and couldnt work, a few other family problems, and i couldnt bare sex because of my pain but still cuddled we have always been very close and loving, but i did feell somthing was going on, but thought it was just me getting ideas because i didnt go out much,then out of the blue he left without a word, after hundreds of text messages he made contact and came home, i felt like had just met him again felt just great, it was like a glow went through me, i even felt sexy, it was strange, it was fantastic, until i got a phone call on my mobile to speak to my husband still didnt think anything as we have a bussiness and my mobile is used at times,we carried on the evening then the worst happened i got a nasty text saying what this person had been doing with my husband for months, he said it was rubbish, i thought maybe it was, then one after another text messages appeared saying in detail what they had done, it was a massive shock and a nightmare come true, then she rang asking for him, and text messages carried on, he admitted it bit by bit, and this all happened because he had finished the relationship with her, i love him and always have, but just didnt know what to do, hes disgusted with himself and deeply hurt about it,but i just can not stop thinking about what the intimate text messages said. he says hes sorry so much, but it hurts so much, i just can not believe he did this, how can i get over this, i dont want to split up as i said i love him. but i am scared when he goes out ( to work) and even the shop in case he meets her deep down i trust him, but i feel so sick and my stomachs a mess, i want it to work, but how do i get it out of my mind, i have asked silly questions i know , but its because of the messages, hes imbarresed its so much detail and it causes massive arguments when i start out of the blue askiing questions.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2008): I want to respond to Jasmine that not all "other women" are whores who bring different men to their kids. I am a professional woman who fell in love for a man that said was going through a divorce "NOT". He never supported my son or myself.It was all a lie. The wife found out and like you is going through a difficult time, however, I too am in pain and cry myself to sleep every night. There are 2 sides, not all woman fall to this game intentionally.We hurt too....
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): Jazzmine,thanks so much for the reply, it's seven weeks now, but still feel churned and sick, l can be doing anything and somthing makes me think off them together and how he must have been happy at that time, text messages must break loads of elationships, because not all will be true, but i know these are. wish i could wipe them from my mind, just knowing the person you are in love with is in bed with someone else, and all the things they would be doing, and eight months one night maybe i could cope better, l am trying but i can't help asking him questions and throwing things back in his face, it hurts so deeply. thanks for your reply and to everyone x x x
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 February 2008): CarlaI am going through the same, I am so messed up, like you my stomach is a mess, for someone who never took meds, I am now taking antidepressants and anxiety meds, it really helps with the pain. My husband like yours is very sorry too, not all men act like dickheads after being found out, I know my husband is truly sorry, I believe you when you say that, also the cuddling and closeness, I also had the same relationship, Hell, my husband ran a bubble bath and had my towel out for me....when he was having the affair, like you I read all the texts like "goodnite baby, Ill be dreaming about you" yeh yeh, now if he doesn't text me I see red it is stupid...but this was a skank he put in front of my needs, I was his wife the one who loves him, not some desperate whore looking for a man to feed her and her kids......mind you I feel sorry for these children who are in these situations where thier mothers bring in all sorts of men through their homes,,,,,Carla it will take time....I am still in the process of healing you can tell I think the way I call these women skanks they are as much at fault as our husbands were....A Big HugTake Care,Jazmine :-D
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 February 2008): Hello its Carla, thank you for your response, i will take the things you have all said on board, l have just qualified to become a councellor, as i have always helped others and decided to do the course's a week after i past this all happened,l am trying to get over this affair, but just knowing my husband has been with someone else, it hurts like crazy, a little thing can make me worse like whats on the tv, everything i seem to watch someone is having an affair, he is really sorry and says its was not planned, and he feels so bad and disgusted with himself, but when he finished it did not expect these text messages and phone calls. We are going away fror a few days next week to try to just be together like before, i still have pain aftr my operation, but he does look after me and always as, but i thought somthing was going off a few times then , thought no he wouldn't, i need to trust him again, sorry to go on but i have not mentioned this to ant of my friends, which as been really hard work. oh and sorry again but he also took her to our little holiday caravan whuich was in the text, he denied at first but then admitted it, he didnt think he would get found out once it had finished but he did , thanks again
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2008): Firstly I would ask your partner to get checked out at a clinic to ensure he has not picked up anything from this 'other woman'. What a lot of people miss from their replies (and possibly it is because it is a little bit of a nasty subject) is that if you just carry on sexually where you left off you run the risk of things he may have picked up being spread to you - a lot of men refuse to wear a condom so please do consider this first and foremost. It will also serve to remind him just what is at stake by doing what he did. Then on to the emotion... you are obviously devastated and it will affect your esteem for a long time to come and I do believe that rather than work purely on your marriage you need to indulge in plenty of time for yourself - pamper yourself, buy some new clothes feel good again - possibly the counselling should be for you to help you deal with it all first and get strength back. Also you need some independent social outlets - away from him. A new hobby or interest? Sounds cliched but it is important that your partner does not just think he can just feel a bit guilty and you'll be there open arms and desperate. He was weak and selfish in your hour of need - he's lucky you didn't pack his case, change the locks and tell him to get stuffed. Most women would. However you still love him and maybe over a long period of time you may regain your trust in him.... but. A friend of mine was cheated on whilst pregnant and it took a long long time for the trust to get back. Do not expect miracles. He should be moving mountains to treat you right and get the respect back from you. If he doesn't do this..... what is it saying about how he REALLY feels? Words are easy to say but actions speak louder. Good luck with it.
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A
female
reader, shandygirl  +, writes (5 February 2008):
 This happened to a friend of mine. Except it was a little different...
My friend was going through a 'problem' pregnancy and had to pretty much stay in bed throughout the whole time, which means she couldn't have sex either.
Meanwhile, her husband began paying for sex, on the side, the whole time.
It sound to me as though this was an affair... only for sexual gradification, without emotional attachment.
I think, the both of you would benefit going to a Marriage Counselor, to work things out.
Good Luck, and I hope things get better for you. xxx
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