A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:HelloIve been dating my girlfriend for 3 years and recently she came clean about being sexually molested by a male relative when she was 8-14and now as horrible as it sounds i find myself kind of grossed out by her. everytime i touch her i think of her having sex with this male relative and although its not her fault i get sick and feel like i'll vomitwhat do i do i wish she hadnt told me Reply to this Question
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female
reader, ruinedandlost  +, writes (23 December 2007):
 hi :)
ive had kind of the same problem. i was abused from when i was 6 till i was 17. ive been with 26 guys now and regret them all... either i left because they hit me... or they left because im "psyco".... its a vicious circle i cant get out of. i used to cut myself to deal with the pain inside... but that only caused more problems... guys dont like the scars... and it hurts so bad to be left for that... but i understand it freaks you out... im sure she knows that too... just talk to her about it...if she trusts you shell tell you and all you have to do is listen. if you love her and you think shes worth the trouble... help her. if you think its not worth it... let her down gently... be honest with her... dont say it grosses you out... but let her know it does bother you because i agree with Dr.Pete....."You may not realise this but you are reacting in a way someone who is sexually abused most fears. The way you feel that she is "damaged goods" is exactly how she feels inside."....im ruined... and every guy only makes it worse.... i cant speak for her... but it really messed me up... i wish i could deal with my trust issues. wow... i dont think ive ever witten that down.... kinda terrifying...
so all im saying is respect her enough to be honest... if you do that you might be able to work through it... but only if she trusts you not to hurt her with it...ever
A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): You need to give her all of your support right now and stop acting like this. It was not her fault and she didn't have to tell you about it. I was abused by the next door neighbour when i was 14 so i know just what she is going through. I told my bloke and he was great, supportive and loving and never ever mentioned it again. Please do try and put this to the back of your mind, if you cannot then finish with her and let her find a real man.
Take care
xx
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): How do you think she feels? She's the one who was molested after all and had the guts to tell you about and now you react like that?
It takes real guts to tell anyone that she was molested!! If you can't be there to help & support her thro this when she needs you most, there's no point in sticking with her! You obviously don't feel the same way about her as she does about you!!!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (20 March 2007): You may not realise this but you are reacting in a way someone who is sexually abused most fears. The way you feel that she is "damaged goods" is exactly how she feels inside.
You have been with this girl for a good few years I am guessing you could be more in shock about what has happened. When you find out about things such as this you tend to go through a number of different feelings. Often you blame the person who was abused first, then you blame the abuser.
I suggest you really need someone to talk to about what she has told you, ideally you should speak to a councillor but if not you must find someone who is not connected to your girlfriend who is not judgemental and can give you an ear to listen to you. I feel that once you can talk this out you are going to go through a lot of painful feelings that will shift from your girlfriend on to the abuser. Only then you can look in to the eyes of your girlfriend with love and not disgust.
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A
female
reader, chrissy32789  +, writes (20 March 2007):
 you need to stop freakin out about this.....everything was fine befor she told you and then when she told you it grossed you out...but if you cant stop thinking about it then maybe you should leave her cause if your not happy with her then you cant make her happy, and explain it to her.
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A
female
reader, perkypanda +, writes (20 March 2007):
You have history so I would suggest maybe consoling. I can understand that the images must come to mind but she did not get molested on purpose so I think you owe it to her to at least try to get past it, but since it is such a heavy issue, you might need some help.
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A
male
reader, maxsteel86  +, writes (20 March 2007):
 You need to leave her. When she confided in you, I'm guessing she wanted some comfort and support but instead you see her as damaged goods. Here's an idea, why not return her to the store? You might still be able to get your deposit back
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A
female
reader, gberygeg +, writes (20 March 2007):
 this is a hard question to respond to. While your response to her unfortunate past is irrational and apathetic, once you are "grossed out" by ur partner you need to end it, at least for the time being, because it isn't fair to her that you get sick nd feel as if you will vomit everytime you touch her. I'd say take a break nd if u love her u will miss her and yearn for her back and hopefully then u will have realized ur immaturity. if not, remain friends with her and see where that takes u.
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A
male
reader, Ponungalungb +, writes (20 March 2007):
 Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you were molested by a relative and your girlfriend puked at the site of you?
She needs support, not some wimpy-assed excuse of a boyfriend with a weak stomach.
Maybe it's best if you move on. Then she can find a real man that will give her the love and support she needs and deserves.
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