A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I don't know whether to stay in a relationship or to tell her I give up? We are both lesbian. She wants me to move in with her--has wanted this since 2 months after we met. I am not used to moving this fast. Apparently this is common with lesbians, which I didn't know, because I am different. This is my first lesbian relationship. I tend to go slowly because I was abused in my marriage to a man, and I don't want history to repeat itself. I have a home already. She wants me to give up my home, a lot of my personal possessions. I have felt that she is being a bit selfish--or at least she certainly doesn't understand my fear. To me, she is not trustworthy--has not proven herself trustworthy with my feelings and my life. I was in the hospital and though she called me on the phone, she did not visit me while I was there. This hurt me a lot. A lot of our first dates, she brought her mother along, because her mother has some mental difficulties and she did not wish to exclude her. This is another thing that has hurt me, although she has been out on a few dates with me as a couple. I feel pressured, scared to death, and very, very sad. I don't know what to do. She says she is miserable--that we both are miserable. I was happy with the way things are. I don't like to live with her mother all the time. The mother stays with the son sometimes too. You do see there is a situation behind this fear. I am not very important to her. She says she is not important enough to me. She has asked to borrow money sometimes. This bothers me, for I had confided in her that I hate this when relatives do this. To stay or to go--this is my question.
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female
reader, Cyg79 +, writes (25 September 2008):
 Those are some very legitimate concerns. You shouldn't feel pressured to do things, especially things such as moving in or lending money. And as harsh as it is, her mother is not your responsibility and she should respect your feelings on not wanting to live with her. I would say go, there are plenty of women out there, looking for a girl like you, and willing to take it slow. Be strong, trust yourself and smile when you can and everything will turn out okay. I wish you the best of luck, these situations are never easy, but in the end you have to be true to yourself.
A
female
reader, Seeker +, writes (23 September 2008):
I'd follow your instincts on this one. If you feel that she is using you, get out...
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