A
male
age
36-40,
*teve-tellme
writes:ok,i have answered a few questions recently on this to give people advice but now its my turn to ask anyone reading this for advice. the answer to my problem might seem obvious but please try and think of my situation before answering. thank you.im with my girlfriend 6 months now and most of the time we get along great, but there have been alot of fights. im fully committed to the relationship as i honestly love her. i do not think there is another girl with whom i can feel the same about. She is only half committed to the relationship though in my opinion. I wear my heart on my sleeve. i love her so i tell her. i do stuff for her all the time. most goes un noticed. She knows that im very romantic something which she is not. to make this short.. i love her with all my heart but i think she walks all over me because she knows she can. but i do not want to leave her. but i might have no choice in the future because she will prob leave me anyway. Trust is a word i hear thrown around very frequently and i think i need alot of it with her because she has guys literally falling at he feet and i think she thrives on the fact i get upset about it. she once told me she was going to the cinema with a guy who she just met in a nightclub.. just as friends. that kind of stuff upsets me. Right now she is over in London for a few days with her friend and her friends class from college. the group consists of 3 girls, including mine and 27 fellas. the other 2 girls boyfriends are there as there in the same class so my girlfriend is sharing a room with a fella. before she went i got angry. told her i didint like it. which is just how i felt. She nearly started crying saying i was rude, not the fella she thought i was and that i was practically accusing her of cheating when she gets over. which is exactly what i did do but not intentially. so now were fighting and shes in london. my head is literally all over the place. please help i dont know what to do. i dont want to lose her. Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Wayner  +, writes (11 April 2011):
Well boy, does this ever sound exactly what i have been through myself! I had even taken the time to get to know her before we actually met! She would play her games pretty much after about a month of us dating, i did question her on it and then wow would she ever turn things around on me! She also went on a date with another guy who actually turns out to be a friend of mine aswell (busted)! So what ever she wanted me so badly after that now saying she fucked up and woould never do it again to me, in that being said; she continuely hides her phone and does all this secret messaging all the time as i have noticed again! My buddies have wondered when i was going to get tired of this and finally i have!
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (28 January 2009):
 Well sweetheart I think you have gone into this relationship with all your body and soul and yes by the fact that you are loving and caring and wearing your heart on your sleeve she knows she has someone who is like a puppy around her, willing to do anything for her and she is not giving you anything back in encouragement or anything.
I personally think you are so grateful that she is going out with her that you are prepared to put up with this behaviour. Why is she going out with another guy to the cinema? That should be you and her not her and some guy she has only just met in a nightclub, that sounds extremely sus as she is out on her own meeting other guys and then seeing what he is like by going to the cinema with him, she is a player by the sounds of things.
She is someone who wants to keep her options open and that is why she doesn't tell you that she loves you. I know this may be hard to hear but she doesn't want to be someone who is without a boyfriend but at the same time she is not giving you anything of herself emotionally.
You have ONLY been with her for 6 months and to you that is so important but to her she does not see it as a fully committed relationship and that must be so painful to be a part of that.
I think you need someone who is fully into YOU and not herself. If she gets the male attention then she is lapping it up knowing that she can pull the strings of any guy and doesn't care about the consequences.
Of course you feel threatened when she has gone to another country and you are left at home. You weren't being rude but more vunerable and she has the nerve to call you RUDE.
If you are constantly fighting in a relationship and that relationship is under a year old then you have to ask yourself why are we fighting. I think you know all of the answers but your gratitude for her picking you as her boyfriend is what is swaying you here.
Listen at the end of the day you sound like a decent guy and you don't deserve to be treated like a puppy dog who is so grateful for the few crumbs of affection she occasionally showers onto you.
You are not a doormat but a man who wants respect and in return gives respect. You are worth so much more than what you are receiving right now. I don't think I would be someone who could trust someone who is fighting with me constantly and who goes out with other guys, no matter how innocent it may or may not be.
Your fear of losing her is what is screwing your head up but if someone is worth it then I would say try and work it out but you no yourself that this isn't a HAPPY relationship and you are only prolonging the inevitable. Feelings cannot be switched off overnight but you will heal emotionally, we have all been through a lot worse than this and you do come out the other side, believe me!
Just don't be someone who is used, talk to her by all means and tell her how you feel but personally I think it will just end up in another row and ill feelings but when two people are not getting on and the trust has vanished, there is really only one solution.
Keep us posted eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 January 2009):
 At least you recognise that she is walking all over you, thats a start. But now you have to make a decision; do you want to carry on like this with her walking all over you or do you want to leave?Because she isnt going to change I'm afraid - girls like that love the male attention and even if she never actually goes as far as cheating she will always crave the "male friends" in her life to make things more exciting.You probably should of ended it when she picked up a guy in a club and then went to the cinema as "friends". That is just not acceptable in a relationship.If she loved you then she would want to spend her time with you and not other guys. end of story.She clearly is having her cake and eating it at the moment - she has you, the "boyfriend" for all the love and attention and security. Then she also living the single life, partying with friends, staying in guys rooms in different cities, going on what I would call a date with a guy she met in a club (you cant be friends with someone you've just met - she wont have told him she has a boyfriend otherwise he wouldnt have bothered going with her). She has the best of both worlds at the moment and your the only one getting hurt. You dont deserve to be treated like this; get out now before it gets worse. Because standing up to her will only cause arguments - she cant see that she is doing anything wrong and is ignorant towards your feelings so she will always turn the argument back onto you saying "you dont trust me etc". You cant win and you cant change her. Your only young - there will be a girl out there that will treat you right and you will wonder why you put up with this for so long.Stay strong and good luck!
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 January 2009):
At least you recognise that she is walking all over you, thats a start. But now you have to make a decision; do you want to carry on like this with her walking all over you or do you want to leave?Because she isnt going to change I'm afraid - girls like that love the male attention and even if she never actually goes as far as cheating she will always crave the "male friends" in her life to make things more exciting.You probably should of ended it when she picked up a guy in a club and then went to the cinema as "friends". That is just not acceptable in a relationship.If she loved you then she would want to spend her time with you and not other guys. end of story.She clearly is having her cake and eating it at the moment - she has you, the "boyfriend" for all the love and attention and security. Then she also living the single life, partying with friends, staying in guys rooms in different cities, going on what I would call a date with a guy she met in a club (you cant be friends with someone you've just met - she wont have told him she has a boyfriend otherwise he wouldnt have bothered going with her). She has the best of both worlds at the moment and your the only one getting hurt. You dont deserve to be treated like this; get out now before it gets worse. Because standing up to her will only cause arguments - she cant see that she is doing anything wrong and is ignorant towards your feelings so she will always turn the argument back onto you saying "you dont trust me etc". You cant win and you cant change her. Your only young - there will be a girl out there that will treat you right and you will wonder why you put up with this for so long.Stay strong and good luck!
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A
female
reader, lovesalias  +, writes (28 January 2009):
 Here are my thoughts....I am not an expert just another user hoping to shed some light on the situation. I feel that she is a person who needs her space to be who she is. It is the type of person she is. Have you read up on her astrological chart? If you decide to it may help to give you a little more insight on her personality traits then you may be able to understand her actions a little better. I must say to check several different websites because they all have different things in them but after you read a few you will get the general idea of those that kind of stick. Back to the matter at hand. You feel that she disregards your feelings. You have a right to the way you feel and honestly she does disregard how you feel. Would she be o.k. with you doing the things that she is doing to you if it were the other way around? I think you need to start showing her that you are worthy of her attention and that you are the only man she should be spending quality time with in the dark. You need to figure out who you are and what you are really looking for in this relationship. Women of her type like men who are self-assured, confident, and driven with high self esteem but not in a cocky way. It is great that you treat her well but in doing so don't forget about yourself. In a relationship it needs to be 50/50. Take this time while she is away to define what this relationship is really about and where you see your self romantically, professionally, and financially in the next five years and start working toward acheiving all the aspects of your life not just the romantic part of it. I am sure that you are a good looking, smart intelligent young man that any woman would be lucky to have. Place some value on yourself and your time and perhaps it may put things into perspective for you and her. Give her the space she requires and figure out if you can continue the relationship the way it is. Do what you know to be the best and healthiest thing for you life and make your decision based on facts...not feelings. I hope this helps! Good Luck!
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