A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My "ex" gf doesn't always log out of her yahoo email account properly so I checked her email after she uses the PC. I have been doing this for a little while now without her knowing and realise she has been meeting up with her ex.I told her that I knew she has been seeing him. Of course she threw a tantrum and acted like I am insane and she hasn't done anything. Obviously can not say I know everything because I was snooping cos I don't wanna seem like some nutjob/stalker. Now admittedly I can not say for sure if she has been sleeping with him BUT fact she lied about seeing him telling me she was seeing other ppl like her mum etc-then come home telling me she loves me, giving me elaborate lies about visiting a friend or something ....also my point to her is if it was all so innocent; then why lie and not just say she was friends with him? You normally lie if you have something or guilt to hide.Anyway so she has flipped out and acted like I am wrong and was horrid about the whole thing and has treated me terribly when I brough it all up. Of course she is dumped as of now. But she doesnt even seem phased, bothered or upset. When I met her she was almost in the gutter. She lived with me for free, I bought her stuff, helped her get back on her feet, helped her get a job and a car, took her on nice holidays etc and this is the thanks I get. Of course now she has got to that stage in her life where she doesn't need me anymore so she perhaps feel she can act and treat me however she wants. But I guess the problem with people like that is they would never realise. So yes it hurts like hell. If perhaps she could understand the pain she has caused or even some remorse or guilt. But her attitude makes me feel even worst. She doesn't care, acted hostile, argumentitive, completely dissed me etc...and STILL she denies everything! I do not really believe in Karma but I do hope there is a Karma and she gets back the same threefold.I am not a bad person, but I have to confess that the way she has treated me and been so ungrateful, I do wish she would live to regret everything.
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female
reader, Brandi  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Well she proberly wants you to feel bad and down in the dumps but do not give in. it feels like power to her when she sees you so sad and hurt. stand tall and move on that will make her so mad that you are standing up to her.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): Hi
I hope I can help you look at this with a view to moving forward as a stronger person. The problem isn't just that she has behaved badly which, from your description does seem to be the case, but that you are now looking to her reaction to validate your sense of self-worth.
There is a common bond among successful people (and I don't just mean financially successful people, but those that actually succeed in LIFE) and it is this: they don't depend on other people to affirm their value but act as their own judge and jury. It doesn't mean that they don't admit it when they get things wrong - but they don't look to others to decide their self-worth.
Imagine, as I'm sure you can easily do in these circumstances, that you put your heart & soul and considerable time and energy into a project, be it emotional or work-related or a hobby etc. After what may be weeks, months or years all of your efforts boil down to one moment in time when you look around for someone to value your 'performance'. That 'someone' may have questionable character flaws or an ulterior motive for undermining you. They could be distracted with concerns of their own and not really focused on you or just lack the experience/maturity desirable to make a valid judgement. The moment you let this one person or group of people define who you are or what you've achieved, you hand over control of your life and your future - because you will always look to other people to decide whether 'YOU' or your contribution matters!
Know in your own heart whether what you have done is worthwhile. Hold yourself up to standards that count and don't let other people's views divert you. Wasting time railing against the unfairness of it will sour your life and affect your relationships with other women. Learn positively from the experience. Look at what you did right, not what she did wrong. Be your own validator and move on knowing that it's your standards and your opinion that counts.
Just one thing that I'd like to mention and I hope underlines my point. You mention time and again what you've bought her, given her etc in material possesions. No mention of the emotional contribution made & people that do this often have self-worth issues. It is called 'PROPITIATION' and is the urge to give either materially or of oneself to the point of being a doormat in order to 'buy' the other person's affections or tolerance. You need to move on, learn from this and value yourself. Stop concentrating on her reaction and focus on your own. The right woman may be just round the corner but if you don't value yourself as a person, how can you expect her to.
A couple of quotes for you from Tony Robbins that may give you a stepping stone forward.
"I've come to believe that all my past failure and frustration were actually laying the foundation for the understandings that have created the new level of living I now enjoy".
"It is not what we get. But who we become, what we contribute... that gives meaning to our lives".
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A
female
reader, YummyMummy  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Do you believe her when she says nothing was going on? To go to that extreme to lie she must of had something to hide. She only got angry cause she got found out. You aren't a nut job or a stalker- you just wanted to know what was going on with her and her ex. I would feel exactly the same.
It sounds like she has been using you as a sponge, living for free etc, while going out and living life with others. I would advise you to get rid and try and move on from someone who is willing to use you that badly. She may regret what she's done, especially when your money isn't there for her to use anymore. Then again she'll probably find someone else who will fall for her lies too.
Good Luck!
xxxxxxxxxxx
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A
female
reader, Unique1 +, writes (27 June 2007):
That is too bad.... Unfortunately, things like this happen. And you are right, her actions now hurt you even more. However, you gotta realize one thing: It is too bad for her to miss out on a good man such as yourself! She will realize that sooner than later. Trust me, the first time she is unhappy, she will turn to you or at least remember what she did and realize how good you were. Also, another way to look at this is to tell yourself that she doesnt deserve you and that you want to get someone who will treat you like a king and equal to how you treat her!
Good luck to you
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 June 2007): I very recently went through this exact same thing. Did everything for him, his kids, loved him and my gut feeling told me something wasn't right so I snooped his cell. I knew I shouldn't but I had to prove to myself I wasn't just paranoid and turns out my gut feeling was right on. I confronted him and he, as your ex-gf did, flipped out and accused me of being crazy and jealous. He would not admit to anything although its still going on. My advice to you would be to take the high road and let her see if she can do better (which she cannot). I'm sure you feel as I do, betrayed and wondering if you'll ever trust someone again - I still don't but I know I will one day. You can't MAKE someone regret something so you just have to know that they will in time, maybe not today or even in a few months, but they will when the exact same thing happens to them and by then you will be well on your way to happiness with someone else. good luck. If you want to chat fee free to contact me .
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A
female
reader, flower girl +, writes (27 June 2007):
 There are some really vile people out there in the world and she certainly sounds like one of those, you looked after her, supported her gave her your all and she has s#@t on you how nice.
Unfortunately people like this never realise what they have done until it's too late so it will definately come back to haunt her, you sound like a lovely person so you move on safe in the knowledge you done something really good for someone else.
Take care and be happy.xx.
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A
female
reader, TELLULAH +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Hi,
Although you are a snoop, and believe me when I say nothing good ever comes of this.
But you do find out the truth, and somtimes its the only way you will find out. And it can hurt really bad, and it makes you doubt that you are a nice person for looking in the first place.
Well you are a nice person. Anyone reading this can tell that you are.
She acted the way she did, because she was caught out, plain and simple. And attack is usually a sign of guilt, so that would explain the temper.
I know that sounds horrible, and I really dont mean to hurt you, but you are asking her to confirm what you already know.
You have done everything you could for this person, and its been thrown up in your face, by this un-greatfull cow. The thing I admire in you most is that you have kept your head up high, and have not clung on to this awfull relationship. You have stood up for yourself, and that is a very admirable thing to do. Also a very strong thing to do.
Dont worry about Karma, its true what goes around comes around. I wonder if she will be as strong as you, if it happens to her.
Me thinks not.
Take care, and again well done.XXXX
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A
female
reader, FoxyR  +, writes (27 June 2007):
 Hi,
I truly want to say that i feel sorry for her, if i had you as a boyfriend giving the things you give her i would love you.
And your right there is Karma what goes around comes back around and it's gonna bite her in her butt.
You need to wish her teh best you know why?
When you wish someone bad things it always come back to you, so wish her a best.
Good luck
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