A
male
age
30-35,
*ustfriends
writes:I am in serious need of help, The girl I thought was my best friend/friend with benefits/girlfriend used the shit out of me and I can't stand it. She said we never dated but I went to her house met her parents went to sporting events picked her up after school to hang went to the movies etc... but never dated? so I was an idiot and invited her to go with me to a concert, gave her a free ticket we get there and she didn't dance with me once asked me to buy her shit and used me bad. Next thing I know I see her making out with some random guy. She claims she isn't a slut but she is going out with like 10 different people but says she isn't dating them. I am confused as hell and really want to hate her. I get played so bad by girls sometimes and its killing me. I thought she was different cause we kissed she said love yah, writes on my Facebook saying love you and all this crap but its all fake. She knows I like her and thinks I'm cute but she won't date me cause she is to much of a slut I guess. She wonders why some other girls don't like her and why guys stop talking to her, I think its cause she acts like trash and treats people like me who care about her or did like crap all the time. I am confused and don't know what to tell her.My question is what should I write in a message or say in a call to her? Cause honestly I don't want to see her for a while but I know that I will miss her cause its been a great month and a half hanging out with her every weekend and having someone to hold close to me. I need something to say that will make her understand that I;m not going to be there for her unless she will be there for me, cause I don't need another friend, but I could use a girlfriend. Yesterday she thought I was upset by seeing this girl I use to be crazy for and that wasn't the case I was upset because I saw her the girl I thought loved me or at least cared about me sucking face with another guy never dancing with me and then has the balls to ask me for money to get water, f**k that. I was pissed at her and didn't say much when we left, she said if its because of a girl then she obviously isn't worth it and I said yeah I know. I was thinking about her the whole time and she didn't even know. I got used and am a loser
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male
reader, justfriends +, writes (1 March 2011):
justfriends is verified as being by the original poster of the question I am very grateful for the answers I have been given by everyone. I hope that some of the girls I met via friends will contact me they have my name and number so I guess it's a waiting game. I am not to sure if I will contact her. It's been 2 days since this happened and I am thinking it might be too late to say something so I will just stop contact altogether. I hope that she will text me so then I can reply with something to the affect you all have written. I at least want her to know that if she wants to remain friends she needs to treat me like one and not use me to hold her stuff, buy her a ticket, and never hang out with me. She does need to know that she is treated the way she is by certain people because she has done it before. I am not a nasty person when it comes to treating people. I treat my friends and family extremely well which is why I don't feel like I need more friends. And people I don't know I respect enough not to mess with them or give them a hard time. So my point behind this is to show/tell her she will continue down this path of gaining then losing friends over and over until she starts to wise up and treat people who care about her as they should be treated. Once again thank you and 5 star rating for everyone.
A
male
reader, Capri2  +, writes (28 February 2011):
What she does is wrong at so many levels that I don't know what to tell you. Yes, you are being used and you have to cut contact with this girl. Failing to do so, will bring you grief and pain only.
What to tell her?
"I thought we where dating and you have hidden what was actually going on here. You cheated on me and I don't want to see you. Never again."
Of course you will have to fix the grammar because English isn't my first language. But the main idea is right.
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A
female
reader, JDinCali +, writes (27 February 2011):
 You are NOT a loser!This is what happens when a woman isn't true to herself. She wanted attention and you were willing to give it. Yes, as you know, she used you. She's incredibly shallow and selfish. Shame on her. You really want seconds on that?You didn't do anything wrong, from what I can tell. You treated her as a respectful woman...the biggest red flag would've been her resistance to publicly display affection; (refusing to dance?! She's nuts!) I wish I could get a guy to dance! lol. Too bad her head is too far up her ego to see how wonderful you really are. Next her hon. Text her: "People are not toys for you to play with at will. You're burning bridges, because you don't treat others the way you would like to be treated. I don't need a second dose of heart break, just because you want to play games. Hope you learned your lesson, if not, you'll die lonely. Bye."Date a woman who appreciates your efforts. There's a lot out there for you. Trust me.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2011): For starters, you are not a loser. The thing is though, even though what she did wasn't particularly nice, you said yourself that you were "friends with benefits" so she can kiss who she wants.
You both used each other, you both decided to have this friends with benefits arrangement, so i don't quite understand
why you are so angry at her because she said you two never dated.
If she is really as bad as you say she is then why would you want her as a girlfriend anyway? She doesn't sound like the type who wants to settle down, especially not right now.
If you want people to stop taking you for a ride then you need to stop letting them. Don't let her use you if that's the way you feel. Is she really worth all the hassle?
She obviously doesn't feel the same way if she's taking a free ticket from you then kissing another guy.
You shouldn't just carry on seeing her just because you want to feel close to somebody. She's just going to keep hurting you and frankly it doesn't sound like she cares.
Tell her how you feel then distance yourself from her. Go out with your other friends and maybe you'll meet a genuine girl who isn't out to use people.
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