A
female
age
26-29,
*ourelockedout
writes:One of my really close friends got genital herpes and I'm so in shock. He and I have had an on and off fling for a while, but never even kissed cause he's super all over the place. He's practically in love with me, I guess, but anyways that's besides the point. I was out shopping and he calls me and tells me it's the worst day of his life.. I figured he'd say a family member died or some first world problem, like his car broke down. But, no. He tells me he's 90% sure he has herpes. The results aren't back yet, but he said the doctor told him that he's positive or something. I just honestly feel so bad. He was crying on the phone and he was drunk out of his mind. I can't even imagine how I would feel. It made me wanna cry just hearing how he felt. He told me that he had to tell me so I could move on and then later tonight he called and was sobbing and telling me that he's afraid he will never find anyone and how much he regrets all the sex he had and whatever. I don't know how serious or common genital herpes is, but I just. Idk like I feel awful. I don't know what I can do to show him I'm there for him besides talk with him and be close with him like always. Any ideas? How would you deal with it? Any advice for him as well? Is it common or will people be grossed out? What? I just wanna give him as much comfort as I can.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (7 July 2017):
 Op this is not an illness. If someone has a cold sore they have type one, if it is down below it is type two. It is not the end off the world, and it is probably more common than you think. Lots off people kiss and pass the type one. Also just because people are good looking and sleep around does not mean that is how you get it! You could be a virgin and get it the first time having sex, so please try not and judge people OP. Be his friend, listen to his worries, reassure him, but there is no need to call this a illness or disease it is simply a virus that can be controlled.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 July 2017): TBH I don't know how to comfort him under these difficult circumstances but I am thinking of how to get round this illness and live an almost normal life. I mean in this age of the internet there seems to be groups for everthing so surely there must be millions carrying this disease and I venture and say a big percentage of these are highly attractive people whose good looks have helped them to lead a somewhat promiscuous life, I dare to suggest he should join such groups and meet people who are carrying it and perhaps even choose a partners who are also carriers so there is nothing to hide or to lie about especially as suggested with proper medication the disease can be kept under control.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 July 2017):
 Just hear him out, let him talk, let him cry and wait for the shock to pass. Maybe even offer to be moral support when he goes to the doctor next? You could follow him there and wait for him and then you and him go somewhere to talk after?
It's not a terminal illness, it's quite common, people will not get grossed out (at least not mature people who are genuine and looking for companionship and not just random sex). He will find love, he will be able to do all the things anyone else does, he will just need to wear a condom from now on.
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (3 July 2017):
 Well, first of all, herpes isn't a terminal illness, so both of you need to chill and put this into perspective. He called you while plastered to the gills, so he was freaking out and not thinking clearly about his future.
You can comfort him by listening to him and being his friend, but you'll do him no favors by blowing it way out of proportion. His life isn't over. He has an incurable STI, but it is a manageable one with few side effects if he practices proper hygiene, safe sex, and a doctor-prescribed medical regimen. Within 6 weeks, he'll be an old pro at living with it, and though he'll have to disclose that he has herpes to any potential partner out there, not only are there LOTS of perfectly normal and good people out there who are also positive for herpes, but there are also LOTS of resources for people out there to live a rich and full life, even with herpes.
I'll stress this again -- he WILL have to disclose that he has it with every potential partner. There are laws in almost every developed country that make knowingly concealing an STI a criminal and civil offense. He won't be able to have carefree casual sex anymore, but that doesn't mean he has to live the life of a celibate monk either!
Comfort your friend yes, but BE a friend most of all. Make sure he deals with this news in a healthy fashion. Getting blitzed-out drunk and being "super all over the place" might have been what got him into this mess in the first place. And don't put yourself at risk! You say he's Practically in love with you?? Maybe it's time for both of you to allow this event to mature you, and end some of the riskier behaviors.
Don't let out-of-control emotion cause you to become reckless physically with him. Even oral sex can transmit herpes, or kissing during an outbreak. So keep a level head!
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A
female
reader, franny1297  +, writes (3 July 2017):
 Firstly, my greater compassion goes out to your friend. He has every reason to feel terrible. Right now it is important that he has time to grieve and cry over this, and for you to be there for him and a shoulder to cry on. He needs to accept that this is part of his life but I does NOT define him whatsoever. He also needs to accept this and try to forgive himself and not be so harsh on himself because it could happen to anyone and many others have it so he's not alone. Remind him that. What's done is done, so what he can control he must do. I don't know what else to say but he must allow himself to feel what he needs to feel to move on and accept this in some way. Good Luck
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