A
male
age
41-50,
*lphamale
writes:Hi I'm a 28 year old man. I was pursuing this girl, she is a bank teller, very pretty. One day I just walked up to her booth and gave her my phone #. She called me a few dys later and we started going out, got along real well. it all lasted about a month and a half and she says she doesnt think I'm right for her. She isn't ready for a relationship. I begged to get her to rethink this whole thing almost on my knees because I really liked her and loved being around her. she says she just can't see me as more than a friend, I sent her flowers, chocolates, stuffed animals in a pathetic attempt to get her back to no avail.After discussing the matter with a few friends I finally gathered the strength to just let her go and put my energy into finding someone else. one day out of the blue she calls me but I didnt pick up the phone, she called me again the next day and the next day. I finally pick up and she told me she kinda missed my company and I said ok whatever, and she says she probably made a mistake, and the less I seemed to care the more she told me she wanted to go out to eat even invite me over for dinner at her place. I was deeply hurt by her, and I just dont think I'm willing to try it again. but she still calls and texts.
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female
reader, nanny macphee  +, writes (16 June 2009):
if you stopped caring then by all means tell her. all is fair in love, right? she had her chance and you've tried your best to let go and now you're free. you moved on with your life, so she must do the same. you both deserve to be happy....with someone else. but do be gentle with her; remember how you felt before... her feelings could be genuine. but she'll get over you eventually if you tell the truth
A
male
reader, Rogerramjet  +, writes (15 June 2009):
Your story is basically the story of my entire life!
I find many women don't like to be pursued, they like a challenge.. It has always seemed like the less i seem to care for a woman, the more in love they are with me. The second i start to really show i care, they lose interest. Then, of course, after we've broken up and i've started seeing other women, suddenly they want me back!
I have never been one to believe in second chances. Either you realize what you have when you're with me, or that's it and we're through. I finally did find a woman who appreciated me for who i was the FIRST TIME through. We've been married for going on 3 years now.
I would tell this woman that she had her chance, and she now has to live with her decision. You aren't a monkey who can jump at her whim.
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A
female
reader, malibugirl  +, writes (15 June 2009):
I think you are dead right to be aprehensive, it sounds like she could be commitment phobic or she could have just made a mistake. Women much as we'd like to think are not perfect. Set up boundaries and limitations for yourself and agree to go out for dinner or a walk and see.. you might that you are not really that into her when you go back. It's worth giving it a go though. We're here for a good time.. not a long time!
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A
female
reader, RunsWithScissors +, writes (15 June 2009):
Sometimes people realize what they had once it's removed from their lives, absence does make the heart grow fonder. A woman also sometimes needs a challenge, if you were the one always pursuing she may have never felt any of it was her idea...her feelings may have not had a chance to grow because yours were always so prominent.
If you think she's serious, give it another try. I suggest that you continue to be yourself, but let her take the lead sometimes. If she starts to pull away after you see each other for awhile she *may* be the type who can't commit to a good guy and will always seek someone "unavailable". Hopefully that's not the case and she simply realized what she had. Life is too short to hold a grudge, proceed cautiously and guard your heart, but maybe give it another try.
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