A
male
age
36-40,
*isiek
writes:Here is my story. Back in September when I started college I met this girl- a roommate of my close friend. At the beginning I didnt think she liked me and I have been going through life without paying attention to crushes, nor was I in a hurry to start dating and all that jazz. As time went on I noticed that she is "chasing " me..everyone knew she liked me and so did I but I would always ignore her or treat her the same way as I treat any other girl who liked me before-like a friend. Sometimes I would find out how she was going crazy because she didnt know if I liked her at all but I was just waiting to see if this is crush is going to pass or maybe I found a nice, non-shallow girl with values and morals.I come from a catholic, european family but I allow flexibility in judging people. Anyways February rolled around and we got back to school. I noticed she wasnt "chasing" me anymore and started hanging out with another guy. Then someone told me that they had sex but apparently they both thought it was a mistake so they didnt go any further. Me and this girl have been going on since May only because I'd hate mysef if I didnt try things with her..as in see where we can take this. But from time to time I get really upset about what she did. Her explanation is that she figured I didnt like her. The sex part just happened but she says she couldnt stop thinking about me.In the end I thought we can try being together.How do I get over this problem of mine where I get upset about that even though we werent together yet! Is it because for the first time someone was chasing me for so long and I enjoyed it?
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crush, her ex, roommate Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (28 July 2007):
 No, you were the first choice and you were not receptive to her. Remember that.
eddie
A
male
reader, misiek +, writes (28 July 2007):
misiek is verified as being by the original poster of the questionYea this is the first girl im dating but its not that I always wanted to marry a virgin its just that I feel like im the nice guy that as long as i dont cheat on her or physically abuse she will be happy.Sure what more can a girl ask for but its just makes me feel like a second choice after what she did with the other guy even though she wanted to be with me first.Thanks for the answers guys, Ill let you know how things go soon.
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A
female
reader, sexi  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Hi, you have to realize that everyone has a past that they are not proud of and nothing can be done to change it. If you really love her then you woudl forgive her for doing something that she also regrets.You 2 were not together at that time and she does have a point that you were not showing her signs that you were interested. The past is the past, you should actually concentrate on having a "future" relationship with this girl rather than dwelling in the past.If you continue to dwell in the past then you would miss the opportunity of having a relationship with this girl and befire you know it she would have come and gone and you would regret your actions. If you really love her put it behind you and focus on your relationship.
Good Luck, let me know what has happened
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A
male
reader, PhilManco +, writes (27 July 2007):
 Misiek, your problem is VERY common. It sounds as if you haven't had a lot of dating experience, so I can definitely understand where your concern comes from. You come from a Catholic, European background (so did I), so there are a lot of values instilled in your upbringing. Eddie's right, though, most people don't marry virgins.
Truth be told, if this girl has only had one sexual partner by the time she's reached college, then it sounds like she is actually quite prudent. I don't think there's anything to judge there. That doesn't make your situation any easier. If you can't stop dwelling on what she did, though, you'll continue to torment both yourself and your girl, probably ruining the relationship in the process.
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A
male
reader, eddie +, writes (27 July 2007):
It's very important that you do manage to get over this. You are judging her, like it or not. I'll agree that nobody really enjoy the thought of their lady being sexual with another man but.......what can you do? It says nothing about her as a woman. She is who she is. Most people don't marry virgins.
It sounds like you've been questioning her on her motives. Don't torture the poor woman about this. It will make her feel bad and there's nothing she can so to cure your jealousy. THAT is the problem and yours to deal with.
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