A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Hi! I'd really appreciate it if someone could help me out with this little problem I have. There's this girl..she's my bf's close friend's gf and I have got to know her kinda well because she helped me get through a tough time last week and I'm really making an effort to get along with her..but something still bothers me. I feel like I have to measure up to her for some reason. I'm very much a jeans n sneakers sorta person, in fact I only started wearing shoes other than sneakers with jeans after i started going out with my bf about one n a half yrs ago. And she's the kind of person who really glams up even when just going to classes. She wears these dressy casual (if that makes sense) tops and blingy (like gold, silver sometimes) high heels and carries a tote for books n a second dressy casual (again!) sorta purse for other stuff i suppose. And when i see her like that..i feel kinda inadequate. Maybe it's because i asked my bf once if he likes the way she is n he said yea..i liked the bag she was carrying blah blah..n i told him that i'm not a very girlie girl so i don't feel like i could pull that off n he said i see that. n when i asked him another time if he'd have asked me out if he knew i wasn't so girlie, he said no with a grin. n didn't say anything after that til i brought it up n then he said he was joking. but, i mean, she's just going to a class..what's so special about that?? It's not like i have low self-esteem..i know i'm a nice person, i'm good to people around me..i'm accomodating, tolerant and i don't dress badly..just very casually except when we are actually going out in the evening on the weekends or something. i also know that i'm not the worst-looking person around..so to speak. but...i still feel that way..and it makes me so uncomfortable. we generally going out with my bf n his friends who're usually allll guys n i just like being casual around them sometimes, u know. like if we're walkin down to this bar down the street n i'll be in jeans, a t-shirt n casual slippers, n she'll be in a strapless top, skinny jeans, n high heels.and to make things worse, last weekend we had gone out with them n when we were all kinda tipsy my bf said to her that if anyone tried to hit on her or trouble her or something just tell them that i'm with [his own name]! I was so surprised n uncomfy..coz i was right there..her bf was right there (he too looked a lil uncomfy)..neither of us said anything though..but it was wierd. i mean, it's not like she's single or anything, right? she has a bf..she can tell whoever it is that she has a bf, she doesn't have to say that she's dating [my bf's name].i don't know..what should i do? can anyone help me out here? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, LISAXXXG  +, writes (27 July 2007):
 im more of a jeans and t shirt girl i have never been a girlie girl and i have a friend who is just like yours at first i kind of thought thats what i want to dress like and be like but when i did dress like it it didn't feel like me at all and i realised people liked me for me not the clothes im wearing. maybe sometimes dress up for your man and for yourself so it comes as a treat every now and then but i wouldn't wory about it at all its you he is with he knew what you were like from the strt and for the record my friend is too high maintanence and spends far too much money on trying to look good it would drive me mad having to take 2 hous to get ready every day lol stick to be you and who your comfertable with hope it helps xx
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 July 2007): This all seems a bit strange on your boyfriends part in that he is paying her compliments and sticking up for her in social situations - there is obviously much loyalty and that could be because of her relationship with his mate and he's trying to take a strong lead 'bravado' etc. The important thing to concentrate on first and foremost is how you feel about yourself. Its always nice to receive compliments and I wonder if your guy isn't paying you any or even enough attention at the moment which you need to address. You should not be feeling like you need to live up to some 'ideal'- and the sign of a good relationship is getting the balance between making an effort with your appearance to please the other person and being yourself. Its a tough one and I think women generally spend a lot of time working on this balance! However it is healthy to assess what other people wear and identify whether you like things or not - it can give you ideas for starters and inspire you but it shouldn't make you competitive and you should be happy to be who you are too. Ultimately you should feel good with your boyfriend whether you're in your best dress or jeans! Never be something you're not :-)
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