A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Me and my best friend had always been very touchy feely and used to flirt like crazy without noticing unless it was said to us. Okay so about 3 months ago I began dating my best friend. Then about a month ago she decided to break things off as she just wanted to be friends "for now" she keeps telling me she’s confused about what she wants and that she does like me as more but right now prefers me as a friend at the moment. She claims she’s going to take a break from lads for a couple of months and see where we stand then. She said some were along the lines she lost herself and needs to be herself again. I obviously want my best friend back but I really like this girl. I don't want to compromise our friendship but I do want to get back with her. We met up on Friday, just the two of us but with us both agreeing it wasn’t a date. We flirted the whole time and came close to kissing but I didn’t because of what she said. We basically acted like we were going out, she was very touchy feely and cuddled through most of the film saying it felt "right". She also said she wants to do it again and asked if I'm free next weekend. However when I asked her were we stood she said she just wants time as friends and that we will see what happens in a couple of months. What do I do? Because if were acting like we're dating now and she is comfortable with it then why does she throw up a barrier of just staying friends for now? If we act like we're dating why not date now?P.S We're both 18 and currently at college. We aren’t in the same classes but we see each other at lunch. We have the same friends and I don’t know how to act in front of them, if she comes and sits on my knee (which she used to when we were dating) everyone will be like wtf going on and I don’t want her to feel pressured, like wise I don’t want to avoid her and risk losing her as a friend. She acts one way when it's just us to and then colder towards me in front of everyone else. Please help!!!And why the hell if we're just friends does she ring me for 2 hours every night?
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a break, best friend, flirt, kissing Reply to this Question
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male
reader, jordan91  +, writes (22 February 2009):
This is a very similar situation to the one I am currently in.. we were really good friends until we took it further and started a relationship for about 2 months until she wanted to go back as friends for a while, and she wanted to just focus on her own life for now. She said she still loves me, but wants to just be friends for now. The advice i was given was to just give her some time and space for herself, and that she would want something more once she has some perspective on her life. Maybe you and your 'friend' should just take a little bit of time away from eachother. not too much, but don't pretend you're dating if you aren't. When you both are missing each other, things should fall into place a bit better. A little bit of space can go a long way. after all, absence makes the heart grow fonder. Best of luck :)
- jordan
A
female
reader, bettynotsweaty +, writes (22 February 2009):
i can see why youre confused over this! my boyfriend and i got together in slighty similar circumstances, where we were really good friends first. i remember being petrified when we first got together that once we had kissed, there didnt really seem to be a way of going back to being the same friends we had been before, and its probable that this girl is struggling with the idea of you still being a person close to her, but not as close as you have been. perhaps the best thing to do is give each other a fairly wide berth - which will be difficult if you have the same friends, but holidays would be ideal. if this girl wants to just be your friend, then do that, be a casual aquaintance for a while, and give each other a break.
that way, you both get time to clear your heads and then in a few months, start you relationship (be it a friendship or boyfriend/girlfriend) from scratch, and hopefully, with less confusion!
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A
female
reader, AlextheOdd  +, writes (21 February 2009):
 Wow it sounds to me like you got a possible swinger on your hand. If she is that touchy-feely towards you and still not ready for commitment, well, it doesn't look to good on your side. If I were you i'd try meeting/flirting/seeing other girls who are actually looking for a relationship based on other things and not just the physical mumbo-jumbbo. This may spark something in her head like "hay if I keep holding off this could-be relationship he's gonna hook with someone else and i'm going to miss out on thie great guy!"
If you do not want to roll with the jealousy/hard-reality route i'd try confronting her in person; or have another one of your friends that she also knows ask her what is keeping her back, maybe have that friend mention 'well you guys seem very compatible and are very close whenever I see you together so..'.
I wish you the best of luck but please remember, this girl may feel shes to young and doesn't want to be in a committed relationship yet; maybe she still wants to be a single girl for awhile and meet more. Just keep in touch with her at the least and try not to force to much serious-romance on.
-A
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