A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:i am having an affair with a married girl , i have tried to end it cause i love her but she cannot be with me . but she came right bk the next day saying she had made a mistake to let me go , and i am the only one she wants so i took her bk , and have been trying to give her my all againproblem is she is going on holiday for the new year with her husband and i find it hard to belive she will leave him after the holiday like she says i am putting trust in her and have always trusted her for the last 7 months my question to you guys is when would you say enough is enough and i txt the husband saying we do need to talk ,like you said to me many many months ago me and this guy are both good guys and dont deserve to be treated like this thanks all
View related questions:
affair, on holiday Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 December 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for everyones responses , thanks for being honist, this girl in question has a 2 year old little girl with her husband
A
male
reader, boondcr  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 It is hard for anyone in the position you are in. I was the cheating one(like your girlfriend). My wife like your girlfriends husband stayed around trying to fix things. What I realized is that I did it because of what I was missing in the relationship. What is it that your girlfriend is missing? If she has not left him yet and he has not left her yet chances are she won't leave him. You are there just providing what she is missing and that is it. Once I realized that in my own relationship my wife and I were able to start to repair the damage. If you want to see where she stands give her an ultimatum and stick to it. Tell her no christmas with the hubby and she must leave today and commit to you. If she can't then you know where she stands and it is time to move on. I know it hurts, just know that there is someone out there to make you trully happy.--good luck
...............................
A
female
reader, angelblueeyes +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Hi,
I believe you should move on, i don't think she will leave her husband if she loved you that much she would have left him a long time ago.
I have been in her situation, i cheated on my husband a few years back i said to the other fella i'd leave my hubby too, but truthfully i never would have, believe it or not i loved my husband dearly we had a few problems & i simply got wrapped up with someone that made me feel wanted, it does happen unfortunatly.
I wish you luck in your dilema.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): Your kidding me right? You think you don't deserve this? You knew she had a husband from the start if anything the only one whos got it hard in this is her husband. You both knew what you were getting in to especally you since you started going after a married woman. Talk to her first then talk to her husband, like some of the others said if she isn't happy then she should leave so give her the choice don't take that matter in to your own hands.
...............................
A
male
reader, edd_edd +, writes (12 December 2007):
I would end it with this woman instantly. She wants to go on holiday with her husband so she can end it afterwards. Perhaps she should do it before so at least the guy could not waste the money on something false.I know if you love her it will be hard, but what you have got to realise is that this woman is using people. She is married to that guy but constantly on the look out for the next best thing. Say she finished with her husband and you two ended up married one day. Who is to say that she will still be on the look out for the next best thing.get yourselve a girl who doesnt cheat on her partner and you will have alot more chance of building a strong and happy future.
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 December 2007): I would walk away now! If she decides to leave her husband then she could come talk you. Remember she cheated on him, whos to say thats not you next time.
...............................
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 If her husband contacted you before, it was because he suspected the fact that you were "involved" with his wife. If she hasn't left him after 7 months, and there are NO children involved, you already have your answer. She is going on this holiday because she likes being with her husband. He treats her fine. There is no reason to leave him.
Contacting him at this point is bad manners. The fight is between you and this woman, not you and her husband. You have already spent many months sleeping with his wife. If she was going to leave, she would have left by now.
If you want to salvage your dignity, dump her, walk away and never see her again. She has made it very obvious that you are not in 1st place AND that you are not even ever been a contender, simply by staying with her husband. Dump her once and for all.
...............................
A
female
reader, huneygyrl +, writes (12 December 2007):
 First of all, you've already done wrong. You NEVER get close with someone who is married. NEVER!!!
What makes you think she'll leave her husband for you? Just because she told you she will leave her husband doesn't mean she'll do it. If that was the case, she should have done it long time ago.
Whatever happens, will happen.
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I've already given my response but I'd like to add a little more if I may...
I NEVER go looking for girls. I go out and enjoy myself with my friends and have a good laugh. I'm not saying I'm great looking or anything (average but I do have alot of energy and am always laughing and joking with my pals). It doesn't happen often but every girl I've been with has always made the first move. Right the way through from my first to my last.
One girl I met chatted me up. We exchanged numbers and met up a few times. Our meetings got more and more frequent.
We still had our own time - going out with our own friends, sometime both our friends, but also just our alone time too.
After a while I suspected she had someone else. I have NEVER cheated in my entire life. I don't see the point. If I'm not happy then I'm not afriad to be on my own and would rather end it.
Unfortunately my Dad died totally unexpectedly and I was shocked. Saw him one day, next day DOA, in a coma for a week, then passed away in the evening on Fathers Day.
The day after I went to her place and we had a nice cosy night in. I asked her outright, "I've been thinking about us and I think I'm falling for you... Is there anything you want to tell me?".
"Errr... Yes" she replied quite shyly.
"Well just tell me... My Dad just died and everything else just seems trivial in comparisson so now would be a good time" I said.
I remember it like it was yesterday. There was an awkward silence.
"You've got a boyfriend haven't you?" I asked calmly.
Again, a moments pause.
"Yes" she said. Again sort of shyly.
She then told me how unhappy she was and it wasn't working. She'd been with him for a year or more. I couldn't understand how she could be with someone when she wasn't happy. She hardly ever saw him. She was always seeing me.
She told me she didn't want to be single and was falling for me. She was scared of breaking his heart and didn't have the guts to dump him so she used to keep something of mine (like a jumper of mine or a gift I got her) and hoped he'd find it, have a row, so she could end it.
What happened? Well, after a week or so I was fed up with this situation, as the boyfriend had been around for that week and I couldn't see her. So I gave her an ultimatum. "Him or me".
She couldn't dump him out of guilt, he wanted to keep working at it (even though he was flogging a dead horse) so I just left her and never looked back. Turns out she dumped him shortly after. I feel for him - this is CRUEL.
I'd moved on. Life back to normal again. A year later we bumped into each other in our hometown, she'd just returned from London. Funnily enough I told her I'd just moved back from London. She said I should've called and I said I didn't have her number anymore and I didn't want to get involved with someone in a relationship. I felt jealous when she was with her boyfriend for that one week and I couldn't handle it. This also made me question if she was prepared to do that to him then would she do it to me?
...............................
A
female
reader, shadytree +, writes (12 December 2007):
Dump her . Honestly could you say that you deserve this ? If this girl is doing this to her HUSBAND then who says she wont turn around and do the same thing to you. If the building blocks of your relationship are based on lies and cheating, even at the height of your LOVE it will be extremely unstable. If she were a trusting and kind lady who happened to fall in love with you and couldnt live without you, she would do the right decent thing and leave her husband not be having an affair. You can do better, you have a lot more to give !!!! You deserve more than a second rate relationship !
...............................
A
female
reader, missmel34  +, writes (12 December 2007):
 Shes playing you. If she was serious about you, wanting to be with you not her husband she would have done it already.
How can you have any self respect knowing that she is in bed with this man each nite. How do you know they are not making love. All you have is her word...and the word of a cheater is not worth a heck of alot.
Do you want to give your life over to a person who has openly betrayed the man she supposedly loves and married. Once someone makes the decision to lie to their partner and sleep with another person, they are showing where their morals are. Whos to say she won't do it again, perhaps in time to you.
If your looking for people to tell you this is true love and fight for her, your not going to get it here. All the aunts will tell you the same thing. You deserve better. Go and find a woman thats available.
Lets face it, if you call it off with her, and move forward in your life, you may find a great woman who has morals, or it may push her into making a choice....perhaps even in your favour. Staying the way it is, your letting her have her cake and eat it too. The way I see it its a win win.
Living the way you are now, your the loser in this...no one else.
...............................
A
male
reader, Collaroy +, writes (12 December 2007):
I'm sure her husband will me more than willing to sit down with you and talk man to man about you taking his wife off his hands. Especially if he loves her, he wouldnt want to see her unhappy with himself when she can live happily everafter in your arms. He certainly sounds like a heck of a guy, I wonder why she wants to leave him?
You do have one thing right though, she won't leave him for you, you are just a piece of arse. A lot of guys would be happy with this situation - no strings sex, and lots of it and no commitment.
Have you thought about finding someone who is not married?
Just an idea you know.
...............................
A
female
reader, shania +, writes (12 December 2007):
 I get the impression that your married lover is dangling you on a piece of string, she says she will leave him,so why in the hell is she going on holiday with him? it doesn't add up.She's getting the best of 2 worlds, she has the stability of a husband and the excitement with you as her lover. Why should she choose? she has no reason to. You have 2 options here,1) You give her a time limit,if she doesn't leave him after 2 months then you walk.or 2)You walk away and dont look back, think of the arguments and her husband finding out, could you really live with that? Is there young children involved? you have to consider that.My gut feeling is she doesn't want to leave her husband...so the ball is in your court.
...............................
A
male
reader, anon_e_mouse +, writes (12 December 2007):
Time for the "him or me" ultimatum. She might choose you or she might choose him. Either way you'll know where you stand and can move on.
You are of course right in that she isn't being fair to either of you, but then again you're not exactly being fair either. You both know what you're getting into. Personally I feel sorry for the husband but then again everything happens for a reason.
If she really isn't happy with her marriage she should leave. So give her a choice.
Good luck!
...............................
|
