A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I am really really struggling with insecurity given the amount of guys my girlfirend has slept with and in particular the amount of them that she has admitted had large manhoods - 8-9inc by her reckoning...She was forced into sex work for a year or two going back a while and she says she probably went home with 2-300 guys over the period.I am average in build inc manhood and have always thought that if I was bigger it would be better. She says she is upset because I am so insecure about it as she has never demanded anything from me and never said it was small or similar and that she likes me just the way I am.I'm sure the men out there will be able to sympathise, after all our manhood is very important to us - I kind of feel that although she said it was only work and that she has only ever had a relationship with a man with avaerage manhood that the ones with big ones were nothing to her and in fact often painful and gross.I can't help but feel regardless of this she has already been violated by these big ones and will always remember them - as opposed to my average one that you would easily forget.Regardless of what she says I still cant help think, its too late, she has already had them, many of them, in every orifice, how can I compete, how can I feel feel superior, happy that I am great and that although I am small she loves me and what I have regardless of previous experience.She says I am her best lover ever and no one can compete - being a man all I can take from this is thanks for that, great words but it doesnt grow the size of my dick and doesnt replace the fact that you have already seen lots bigger.I also kinda feel how at only age 24 can she have so much experience - its kinda like saying she should have seen and had all this yet - I kinda feel robbed of opportunity - its like getting their too late.can anyone help?
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female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (10 January 2011):
 Wrong !
The only part of the vagina rich with nervous terminations - the part which is equipped to "feel " - is the first third ( from the opening inward ), that's about 2.5-3 inches. So length is not an issue.
Girth could be, since some women really appreciate it - that's individual too, some women do not appreciate the sensation of being "stretched ".
Again, a longer than average penis is good for porn movies but often is a hindrance in real life. You have to control speed and power of penetration to avoid hurting your partner, and some positions are simply too uncomfortable.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the last writer - yes I was told by my first girlfriend when I was 15 that her previous 3 guys had bigger ones than me - I always thought this in the showers at school beforehand so this confirmed this to me - I am 6inc by 5inc so I read that is average length and width even maybe a lit above average in the width.My second girlfriend only had 1 guy before me and he wss bigger and my ex wife had 3 guys before me all bigger so I either have a small penis or very bad luck with previous girls.I have had many many one night stands which I seem to have preferred really and I think thats becasue I know I will not see them again and thus dont have to worry about it.Also as a younger man 2 or 3 girls that I really fancied and dated I avoided having any sexual encounter with them cos of my fear they would think my penis was small.Now I have a gorl that has had many many many men and doesn't give a shit about penis size but that in some ways also hurts - I want a girl to love me to think I am a great size cos she hasn't had enormous ones!!!I know woman find this hard to understand but U guarantee that if I used my sensual side, the side that my girls says is fantastic and all that but my penis was 9inc she would love sex with me even more thats for sure.All the emotional stuff, sensual stuff and ability that woman love plus a big penis has to be better than same but with small or average penis, right?
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A
female
reader, CindyCares +, writes (10 January 2011):
Maybe it's me, but I don't get it.
You seem not to have a big problem with dating an ex sex worker ( btw, it must have been way more than 2-300 clients, which professional "escort" takes home only a client every two days ? ) What for many men would be an unsurmontable challenge, you have enough compassion,generosity and openmindedness to overcome it,- which is great.
But- you are uneasy about the 8 or 9 inches penises she may have meet. You are afraid she may have tried bigger than you.
This can happen with ANY woman.
If you had met a "normal " girl who had had, say, 8 partners , most likely, 4 of them would have been just like you, 2 smaller..and 2 bigger.
In fact, you could have meet the town librarian, or the
priest's sister, and her only previous lover could have been - draw of luck- bigger than you.
Have you had this size paranoia before ? with your previous lovers ?
Anyway, it shows a surprising degree of misinformation about female anatomy and female pleasure, in a man your age. At DC we get many posts from teenagers worried about their " length ". But supposedly an experienced man knows that size has little or nothing to do with orgams, and that most women actually prefer an average size. Bigger penises can actually have to be "handled with care ", they can hurt, chafe and hit the cervix provoking unpleasant sensations.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionto the last writer - I didnt know this until only this week - gradually over 10months she has opened up to tell me things that she didnt want to tell me earlier and her stories have massively chnaged since I met her - she told me things so differently in the beginning
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2011): If the guy had asked Dearcupid what to do when he first met her and found out her past, would he have been steered away from her to avoid this mess?
Probably not.
Most of the advice would have been to stay with her and try to get over it. That would put him right where he is now.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 January 2011):
 the past is the past. what she did (the amount of men) was not her choice. you condemn her because she 'sold her soul' but tell me, have you ever been in REAL poverty with no one to help you out? you say she is beautiful, so she used this asset to earn a living. you are confusing me, what is the issue for you really? is it that she has been with so many men? would you feel better if she had given the sex free of charge? would you feel better if they had all had small dicks? she has done what she has done and hopefully she is never in that same financial position whereby she has to do it again, this is the person she is, if you are too insecure or disgusted even by what has happened, you need to work through your feelings if you want to still be with her, or move on from her if you can't
x
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionshe did this due to being left alone at 18 with nothing - call it povety driven. She was forced into it therefore in essence altho I am not sure wanting more is always worth sacrificing ones body and soul for
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A
male
reader, Mr Clark  +, writes (9 January 2011):
I can understand your concern. Given how widespread this concern is amoung men, I can't see how it represents some sort of abnormal preoccupation.
Having said that, your size is probably not much of an issue to your girlfiend. According to a doctor who works with prostitutes, there was widespread agreement amoung them that an average penis is best:
"A large penis, although it may prompt immediate admiration and have a pronounced wow effect, won't make much difference to a man's ability as a lover. . . .
I have discussed penile size and appearance, especially as it varies between circumcised or uncircumcised, with the prostitutes I used to treat in the clinic. The opinion of an average woman, who has relatively few contacts, is too influenced by the intensity of her emotional attachment to men she has known sexually. The prostitutes, who have no lasting interest in a man, give an unemotional appraisal and this judgment was shared almost universally. For a single night, the prostitutes found that an average-sized penis was easiest to service. They dreaded having to face the potential porn star's huge organ. One group of prostitutes even drew lots when a regular customer with a giant penis came into their street. It was the loser, not the winner, who catered for him. . . . There was almost complete agreement among the prostitutes, based on experience rather than affection or emotion, that girth was more important than length. There was complete agreement that, so far as use rather than appearance is concerned, average is best."
http://women.timesonline.co.uk/tol/life_and_style/women/relationships/article4396336.ece
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI think its impossible for anyone to really give me advice because none have you have the experience - think about it, my girlfriend has fucked 200-300 men possibly more, take a moment to comprehend that - its very difficult isn't it?
I think if she had only had maybe 20-30 or even 50 I could accept it but into the hundreds, from age 20 up to age 70, yes you heard that right even guys age 70 fucked her and she is only 24 yrs old. She lost her virginity to a guy on her first night in the job at age 21, unbelieveable!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe number of partners she has had plays a part in this - I almost feel how could she have done this to herself - her parents both died, when she was 18yrs and left her with no home - she was a maid for a family but was only earning USD100 per month and realised she would never have a home if she didn't do something - surely no home but a roof over your head as a live in maid is better than selling your soul, no?She is 24 and has had hundreds of men - she appeard by the way to only look 18yrs and very beautiful - I sometimes catch myself staring at her in amazement of my luck and her beauty. But then it comes crashing down on me that so many men have entered her - typical chuauvinist male, I guess, but I was brought up to believe this is the most sacred thing a woman could give away.Law of averages says if 15% of the population have large ones then she has seen many large ones - mine must look rather pathetic to her!
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A
female
reader, Babypink89  +, writes (9 January 2011):
 I ever had that kind of thought too with my fiance not so long ago. I only ever had sex once with a guy before I started my relationship with him. After about a year, the more I love him the more I wanted to know about his ex girlfriends and somehow he's an open guy and told me about it, well.. but not details because he said it's his past and he doesn't even want to know them or remember what happened at those times anymore. At first I thought if I knew what kind of girls he dated in the past and his sex experiences, that would satisfy my curiosity but then unexpectedly I started to think and compare myself with his ex girlfriends. Like your girlfriend, he also told me the same thing that I'm incomparable and that I'm the only woman that he loves and the fact that we're getting engaged. For sometimes it drove me crazy and frustratingly I kept on thinking that I couldn't beat his ex girlfriends at all. Until one day, I told him I couldn't have sex with him because my heart hurts a lot with that thought.We sat down and talked about this for hours and he ensured me again that I'm the only woman that he wants and desire for life, that I'm the most beautiful woman for him and that I need to trust him and let go off his past. He said that he can't even possibly imagine getting married with his ex and that I please him so much in bed much more than his ex girlfriends did.We do feel this way because we have that special connection and love with our partners. Honestly, I never felt the jealousy and all the feelings I feel with my fiance when I was with my ex boyfriends. You think like that way not because you don't trust her but because you care a lot about her and wish that you're the guy that she should be experiencing lots of things with.The only thing that you can do is to trust her and let go off her past, whatever she had done before or no matter how many guys she slept with, you're the one that she loves and desire and you're with her now. See this in a different way, whatever those guys have and did to her, its just not enough for her to even start a relationship with one of them and be with her now. You're the one that she chose and for that, you must be really special and different for her. And please stop worrying because it will affect your relationship with her over time. She loves you, that's why she wanted you to know that none of those things you worry about matter. Just do your best to love her and rather than worrying, better you think of things that will please her :)
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): First, Allow me to educate you on what women really think about the size of a man's penis. We are extremely satisfied with the Average!
Clearly she loves you and if you can't get past your own insecurites your realtionship is doomed...you will slowly destroy it.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (9 January 2011): I would sweat a lot more about the number of partners she's had (and at that age!) in total, not the dick sizes in particular. There's always somebody bigger.
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A
female
reader, angelDlite +, writes (9 January 2011):
hi
sex is probably better with you coz she has got feelings for you and that she didn't have for them because it was work, that she didn't want to be doing. for typical women, enjoying sex has more to do with emotion, and feeling love and respect from a man rather than the size of his dick. why did she tell you about their sizes though? did you ask her to tell you?
xx
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