A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:ok my girl broke up with me 5 days ago and she wouldnt answer any of my calls or textes. so i sent her flowers and i finaly got a text back which didnt say much anyhow. i talked to her today and she told me she doesnt wanna talk to me because she doesnt want to give me false hope about getting back together because she doesnt love me anymore after 8 years.now i feel really stupid cause i just mailed her a card and sent ballons that she hasnt even got yet. shes telling me we will never be together agin.i know its possible to fall out of love but she has been my everything. she helped me better myself and has always gave me achance after all or arguments.i just cant give up so easy on her.i really luv this girl.i know some girls say things out of nowhere that they dont really mean it. so im just confused with everything.she said shes willing to be friends just not right now she needs time is what she says.but i miss her so bad things just changed over night for me.i really want her back.we have broken up before but she would atlest talk to me and give me another try but it never lasted this long and she never said these things i messed up years ago and left her for another girl for afew months but i ended up going right back to her so i know i love her and she loved me cuase she took me back that was 7 years ago.i just dont know what to think.she said she doesnt want to mean to me but this is the worse shes ever been to me i feel i dont know this side of her.i will do anything to get her back.so ladies can you help me is she just saying these things to hurt me or is this it?
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reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questioneveryone thanks for ur help and for those who asked if i did anything wrong? no we just been arguing alot since we both lost or jobs last november and i think that might have to do with alot of it with all the stress.i know i should let go to see if she comes back. but its so hard the girl is really all i have. i have fam but there distant and friends plenty but i just dont wanna get back in to the bar thing i was shot when i was younger so i tend to stay away frm that plus i dont want to drink.i got plenty of other things to keep me busy which me and her used enjoy together. i just dont understand after that long with someone how things can get so bad ? i was ready to finally settle down with her im 29 and she 27 and we both did want a fam she such a great girl everything you would want i never cheated and her neither we just had so much and i just cant give up on her that easy..thanks everyone you all have been great help..
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 It sounds like she is pretty serious about ending the relationship. There could be many reasons why it ended but I would say after 8 years it must be something pretty big.
I know your hurting but you need to honour her wishes and give her space at this time. By constantly bugging her and sending her cards and flowers, you will interrupt her emotional thought processes and she won't thank you for it. It's acceptable when you first break up
(lord knows you need a shot at putting things right) but if she isnt responding or is asking for space then you need to withdraw.
Acting with dignity always reaps rewards in the long run.
For your heartache you will need to gather your friends and family for support. Grieve and cry if you have to but try to keep busy to occupy yourself through the initial few weeks to come. Try not to be a hermit, seek nights out with your friends.
I am so sorry your going through this, it's going to be painful but be dignified in your sorrow and you will come shining through.
with love
Aunty Em xxxxx
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2009): sometimes in life we have to let things go, and though it really hurts, over time it does get easier.
I think by what you have wrote that your relationship with this girl has been rocky pretty much from the start.
Only a year in and you broke her trust, she must have had really big feelings for you to move past that and try again with you. 8 years is an awful long time to just throw away. But you have to say to yourself, is she really happy with you? are you truely happy with her?
People do not just break up for no reason, you should try and look at the reasons she has given you to why this relationshiop has broken down. Any relationship is worth fighting for, i am not saying you should just walk away, it sounds like you are really making an effort with the flowers balloons etc. But maybe you could write a letter to her, tell her all the things you love about her, and all the things you miss, when you write this letter, don't talk about yourself and your own needs, put her first. Ask her to write back to you and explain why she has decided to call it a day. Try and get to the bottom of all the reasons she has decided to end your relationship, maybe then you will understand a little bit better and you may be able to work on the information you find out, if you cant at least you will know why and it may help you let go.
Good Luck
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A
female
reader, ellie:) +, writes (8 October 2009):
 did you do anything to get her mad???? it sounds like she did love you and maybe still does... maybe you should let her be alone for a littel while soooo she can think what she wants in life if she wants you in her life or not... if she does!! she will come back to you if she doesnt in a week or so she is giving you a clue she doesnt want to be with you anymore and u have to say ok and be her friend u have no other choice it sounds like you really love her and dat is sweet.. i am really sorry this happend to you:(
hope i helped!
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Actually you have to start doing the opposite of what you expect. Agree with her. Tell her she is probably right and you should be apart.
She doesn't want a clinging, needy relationship. She actually wants the person she met eight years ago. You need to set her free so she can come back to you.
So stop the flowers and letters. Show that you are independent and soon you will be able to turn things around.
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