A
female
age
,
*ines
writes:Dear Cupid, I am a divorced mom who was marred over fifeen years. I did the on line dating, which was no fun until I met a wonderful older guy a couple of years ago and the relationship developed well. He introduced me to his family members early and always wrote romatic emails on how much he wanted a long term relationship. Now as time goes on that honeymoon stage has passed but loving words are still exchanged only on the phone and in person. The strange part of this relationship is the time we spend together has remained only on weekends. He is also divorced and has been far longer than me. He stated from the start he had a very painful divorce and his last relationship was long. I did ask him early on why he did not marry his last girl and he said he just did not think she was the right one.I was thinking how much time do you need. I want something deeper but I don't want to push the issue.I was told by a friend if I have to ask, then thatshould tell me something. I have asked him how long does he want me to be a part of his life and he said forever. I want to move on if he has fear of a deeper relationship. How should I confront him on this issue?
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female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (18 October 2009):
 I wish you the very best of luck and all happiness for the future xxx
A
female
reader, Pines +, writes (18 October 2009):
Pines is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you so much for the feedback. Great advice to think on and concider especially at my age. Excellent as always both feedbacks.
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A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (8 October 2009):
 Aunty Em's spot on. Have you discussed it in depth with him? Maybe he thinks marriage and everyday life together kills the romance, because it usually does. He sounds like he has a big romantic streak, and fear of losing that may be what holds him back from making that final commitment. As it is, it sounds as though you have more going on between you than a lot of married couples do, and maybe he's afraid of losing that. But, if you need the big commitment to achieve complete contentment, then you need to bite the bullet and just bring it up. If you prepare yourself for the worst, and you get the best, then all's wonderful, but if you get told that he doesn't think you're "The One", then you can move on instead of wasting time with a tyre-kicker. Best of luck, I hope you're "The One" :)
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A
female
reader, AuntyEm +, writes (8 October 2009):
I don't think you can confront him. I think you can only act according to how you are feeling about the relationship. If you arn't getting the green light signals that you expect apart from him saying he wants you in his life forever (thats a pretty big green light I would say) then you need to end things and move on. If he really wants to be with you then he will act towards making you feel more secure.
There are many ups and downs to establishing a true and loving relationship, it's all about give and take and can take years to trust and get to know someone properly...and even longer after divorce. Sometimes, with patience and trust you can make small break throughs to building a really happy relationship and sometimes you hit a brick wall.
Weigh up how you feel. What are the positives and what are the negatives. Can any progress be made? What are your goals for the future? If the good outweighs the bad and you feel like there is scope for improvement over time, then give it a shot. If your heart is telling you that there is really no hope, then it's probably best to get out now and move on.
with love
Aunty Em xxx
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