A
male
age
26-29,
*am Wilson
writes:So I'll start first by stating that some of my friends and even adults while growing up have asked me again and again if i had ASD (Asperger's Syndrome Disorder) though i never saw any professionals growing up (they say it shows vividly in my behavior)...i was sorta on the fence about it myself.Well though i have a hard time interacting with people/mostly strangers. I manage to talk and interact with people to have friends and occasionally go on dates.Well i've met this girl about over month ago at university...we met in the library hit it off, and even hinted at me that she wants to go out sometime. Well being both students we've hangout from 2 times a week two everyday...to bf/gf and it just got to the point when she said...that she doesn't want to do it anymore...she was the first to state she wanted something more at than a fling so wtf?Its only been two days since she said it and I'm really stressing out...I know I'm kinda clingy but is it that bad...to routinely ask how her day went, or hangout with her to watch tv or just talk for an hour or so. It just got to a point for me that i just wanted to see/talk with her at least once a day. I do it with my bestfriends and they don't think its clingy, wrong or even gay... I want people whose close to me to know my life and I theirs is that wrong?Because honestly i formed friendships with my buddies that way and where all still connected and close...BUT if you do this to a GIRL she GOES AWAY and i dont know freakout? Thats what a relationship is right establishing ties? I talked to my exgf (we where a HIMYM Marshall and Lily couple at highschool) that i dated for about 4 years and she did say I was kinda moved fast between us...she said she did love me but i didn't give her space to grow so she left (I know it's a bit cliche or maybe something she just made up) on bad terms but we recently made up and now its fine.I'm scared because a part of me just want to do a ton of gestures to make this girl see how much i care...or just get closure but i'm afraid people will think im weird or silly or crazy. She said the L-word...and that has to mean for something. Because honestly i don't want to be alone again...im not asking her to marry me or anything...i just want her to be there. Is that wrong or is there something wrong with me?
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (10 March 2016):
 Hi, I thought of this question when I found a link after reading a book called “The Rosie Project.” It’s in the Kindle edition.p /
It’s called the Aspie Quiz, takes about 20 minutes and can be taken anonymously: http://www.rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.phpp /
If you want to take it without registering or logging, just push the button marked “I accept” under "Go directly to the test: "
There are some links too which might be helpful.p /
Hope all is going well for you!
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (24 February 2016):
 Some people just want to have a relationship for the sake of having it, but not serious about their intentions. Just like people want to wear a wedding ring because it's beautiful and it shows status, but they don't really appreciate the daily grind of living and sharing space with a domestic partner.
So it's not like in general you act like you care, and then you scare girls off. I think she led you on and then conveniently used the excuse that you are clingy and not give her space. It's not something wrong with you but nice people are often exploited then blamed. She just wanted the experience of a bf gf relationship.
If you want to see the connection between Aspergers causing the problems you have, I can't really see any except that people with Aspergers are straightforward. You say you plan to do something, then it happens, simple. It's harder for you folks to understand flaky people or deceptive people. This actually happens everywhere. People say let's meet up sometime, never happens. People say they really want to take piano lessons, then when I tell them what piano method books they can try, they look at me strange. People say they know somebody who can hire them, they can start in a few months, then never called, etc, etc.
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (23 February 2016):
Sam Wilson is verified as being by the original poster of the question Well i didnt dictate the dynamics of our relationship...she chose to spend time with me more...to get to know each other. Everythong i said here is what's on my head now and i thought she understood me too. Does my actions and mindset really come off as clingy and needy? Because honestly she was the one who first asked me out...and add labels to the relationship immediately...and for reciprocating those actions with similar results really label me as needy. Because i have to admit its fun being single but for a while it runs its course.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (23 February 2016):
 Any approach that does not work for you is " wrong ".
Any behaviour that does not bring into your life what you wish for, is "wrong ".
Not wrong in itself, or wrong morally.... wrong insofar it does not function.
Your way to relate to women so far has more pushed them off than pulled them in... so , whether you are "right " or " wrong ", it is time to make changes, don't you think ?.
A thing ,instead, which is definitely wrong from any point of view, is focusing only on your wants and needs and preferences, to the exclusion of those of the other people,... expecting the Whole Universe to cooperate in giving what YOU want in exact form YOU want it .... and then being disappointed / amazed / offended if this does not happen.
You want a " fusional " love, lots of closeness , instant intimacy ( not necessarily sexual of course ). Some girls might be flattered or touched by this full- on approach, but MORE will be scared off or turned off.
Particularly, I think, because at some level they realize that this is ... all about you. I.e. that if you are so clingy and intense it's not because you love them more than anything in the world, or you are certain you have found in them your soulmate, or stuff like that.... but because YOU need someone to be there for you at all times ; YOU are afraid to be alone ; YOU require a high level of togetherness that not everybody can handle .
Ok, but... what about THEM ? What about that what THEY need want and prefer in terms of closeness ? What about a compromise ? What about tuning down your neediness a bit ?...
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A
male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (23 February 2016):
Sam Wilson is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo up until recently...yeah my friends did realize i was "up my exs grill" all the time but that was highschool and we saw each other everyday and had a couple of classes together..yes we broke up on bad terms but up until recently we made up and decide to keep in touch...but that was because she said we had something and she said she knows me very much ,and knows what's on my heart...what's wrong with wanting this with my recent gf? Is it wrong that i've open up my heart to my new gf quickly? And yes theres more to a relationship to read into but are you suggesting i should've just remained friends with her, kept hanging out and "not scare her of". Because right now im not about physicsl intimacy i just want a girl to be there for me...is it wrong that i want that right away?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): You're getting too excited over the fact she offers you attention and that's coming off as weird. You can't be too intense. That's scary to women. I think if you cooled your jets and just let things happen naturally you'll be alright.
You can't always be "up in her grill." You have to back off and give her breathing room, and space to stretch. You're coming-on too strong, for it being only the span of a month.
I understand that you're eager to make a connection, but play it cool. When guys are far too anxious to be your boyfriend before you hardly know them; it's all the makings of a future stalker or an obsessive disorder. You always want more at the start of a connection, but you have to pace your feelings. She said she wanted more than a fling, don't read too much into that. That means don't look for casual sex, or think she's easy.
You're too grateful for her approval and attention. That's potentially smothering and smells a little desperate. It might be a little hard at first, but pump the breaks and slow down. If a day goes by and you don't hear or see her,
find something to do with your spare time. It's not her responsibility to fill all your idle time. She has her own life and friends. She may not have it figured out yet, about how she feels about you. Never make references to your loneliness, but give it at least a day to say you miss her. Let her see daylight between you. It's too soon to care too much. You hardly know her.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (23 February 2016):
Did you make up with your ex gf or you just remained friends?
You can't do the same thing with friends and with girlfriends. How is it different? With friends, it's more relaxed and you don't have to worry about playing games. In the dating world, I know you would hate it but a certain level of game playing is needed to create tension and attraction. Too much caring would kill the attraction. The girl says she loves you because you made her feel good. The part where she says she needs space to grow means she needs time to miss you.
There is nothing wrong with being Asperger's. It's just that you may not be able to read between the lines and understand unwritten social rules. You may also be quite literal. Human relationships are complex and you need time to hone the skills at attracting women.
You know how to connect with people so that's a good thing. There's no need to do more of that.
It could also be that girls at your age wants some excitement and drama. You are the kind that provide security and it's boring for them. Not saying you have to change but you will have much luck when you are older.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 February 2016):
You've known her a little over a month. You are moving way too fast.
You may need the comfort of knowing exactly where you stand but that's your issue, not hers.
Have a look at this website that offers a 'test' that might alert you to Asperger tendencies. http://rdos.net/eng/Aspie-quiz.php
I would advise you to examine why you are "scared."
If you don't want to be alone again, well, welcome to the human race. That's not enough to make someone stay with you.
Back off, take a deep breath, check out the Aspie thing [and it may have absolutely nothing to do with you]. Breathe.
Breathe again.
If you have some anxiety about being alone then that's up to you to figure out. It's not up to her to fulfill your anxious worry thing....
It's not wrong to want someone to want you back. It is wrong to hold them hostage or pretend that all is well when it is not.
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