A
female
age
26-29,
*liviacatherine1213456
writes:Me and my boyfriend have been together for just under 2 years. I have recently been under some stress at work. I have a lot on at uni. We live an hour away from each other so its difficult to just see each other - a couple hours here and there. So we have 2 designated days where we see each other. Last week i was really annoyed at him, when we see each other we don't talk much, but he texts me all the time so we run out of things to say. I told him i needed time and space to think about us. It has been 5 days. I regret saying i wanted a break because he suggested things we could try to make things work and i kind of shot him down. I don't want to break up, but I'm petrified things won't work between us, and we will have to do all this again. So I'm just going in circles. It's one of the most horrible things I've ever had to do in my life. The things I've been doing over the past few days I've felt would've been more fun if i was with him. Im so confused, do i stay with him or not?
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 February 2016): Don't give up so quickly on someone!!!! A nice talk when you are ready and see how it goes!
A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (23 February 2016):
 If he is not showing you enough attention then tell him that, bursting out crying is sort of like emotional blackmail, I think you wanted reverse psychology here, you told him you wanted a break so he would say no that's not what he wants, and he would show you attention and apologize for not giving you what you need. However it doesn't work like that, crying for his attention will only make him go further away. You need to just tell him how you feel. You shouldn't be annoyed if he hasn't saw you for a week because he has been working. You need to learn that distance is okay in a relationship.
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A
female
reader, oliviacatherine1213456 +, writes (22 February 2016):
oliviacatherine1213456 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI was annoyed with him because we hadn't seen each other in just under a week, he had over worked himself which he does every week and he didn't talk to me he just sat there, which sometimes i am more than happy to do, as its nice to just have his company and have some us time. But this felt different, as if he didn't want to talk to me, and the type of person i am my first reaction is to cry because i feel like I've done something wrong, and i got so upset i just blurted out i want some space.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (22 February 2016):
 Why exactly were you annoyed with him? That wasn't clear.
If you are petrified about losing him, have you thought about other ways to communicate with him about what is troubling you? Like not texting, but actually talking in person?
I can't answer the question "is this worth saving" as there really isn't enough to go on.
I hope you find a way to break through the communication barrier in a productive and healthy way. There are loads of books out there to help people learn how to communicate effectively. Maybe this would be a good time to read up on texting and talking and how to communicate with your partner in a positive and mutually affirming way?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2016): You need to do things together, this will get you out and away from the stress of uni and work and it will help you both reconnect. Once you get annoyed with someone it'd easier to see their faults, look for the positive and really pay attention to what he does that makes you happy and you'll feel happier. It's not easy juggling work and uni; I started a degree at 22, me and my boyfriend had just bought a house and he had proposed so we planned a wedding for the end of my first year. I was working more than a full time job because I had two jobs and was studying full time. It was mental, I got stressed. I am completing some of my Masters this year and it does me in - I honestly know how you feel and just little things can make a big difference. Even if for the 2 day you see each other you go out for an hour or two and have a coffee somewhere, get a deal to see a film (I renewed my house insurance through compare the market to get a year of 2 for 1 cinema tickets so me and my husband get to go out more!). Even go for a walk and talk about your plans for the future just get doing stuff together; reconnect and communicate again.
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female
reader, oliviacatherine1213456 +, writes (22 February 2016):
oliviacatherine1213456 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI don't have a reason right now to believe we will break up, I'm just scared incase it does happen in the future. We have things in common but also other things we don't. All we seem to do is watch movies, we go on walks. As for uni, that stress if all done with now, it was just last week as i had a few hand ins and at work i have had to take on more hours as my boss is on maternity leave for a month or so.
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male
reader, Sam Wilson +, writes (22 February 2016):
 Well being a guy if someone told me i needed time and space to think about us thats gonna sting a lot...it implies a lot more than just disatisfaction but also a hint of regret. Well its kindoff hard to tackle this sort of situations in a more simple sense because if you havent said the L-word yet...you're looking at relationship chicken. Its an area where both of you might just "respect" the sense that you're in a break and things might spiral out of control...know your clearly having doubts.Yes work,stress and distance may take its toll but let me ask you something...at the end of the day who do you want to spend time with the most? He only texts you all the time because he cant wait to talk to you...do you enjoy your time together or try to open up...all of this is just opinion on a guys perspective because honestly i never broken up with anyone before...its embarassing to be the dumpee but if you dont 100% know theres nothing there anymore then who am i to not give that a chance and i think if you still feel for him , treat each other well,and have fun you should give you two a chance. Because i sincerely think we should judge a relationship circumstances aside... Because if things were always so peachy then theres no reason for those things to happen and the only thing that will be left is feelings.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (22 February 2016): Long distance relationships can definitely work. My boyfriend and I went to different universities and lived several hours apart for 8 years before we finally moved in together a few years ago. When we weren't too busy with work/uni we saw each other most weekends, although at busier times we would go for a couple of months (or more) without seeing each other. He also worked abroad for six months. A good relationship can survive some time apart. However, you say that you run out of things to talk about. Throughout our time apart we would talk almost every day on the phone or on Skype, sometimes for several hours at a time. We have never run out of things to say. The fact you and your boyfriend don't have things to talk about I think is a warning sign.Best of luck
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (22 February 2016):
 The distance and the stress at Uni has not been helping much. It's all been too much in a short space of time and it's been overwhelmin.
pick up the phone and honestly tell him that things you've been doing would have been more fun if he'd been with you.
Tell him you are sorry you were hasty and sorry that you shot down his suggestions.
Consider which of his suggestions you liked the most. Tell him the suggestions you really did like. He made those suggestions because he wanted to help.
Sometimes it takes absence to see just how important a person is to you.
No doubt you've also been stressed by other things in your life as well.
Also plan an outing where you are each pampered a little and do it together.
My suggestion, which may or may not resonate with you, is that you go together to a Chinese massage shop and concurrently get a foot massage for an hour each. (half an hour is too short)
See how much better it feels to have an hour of pampering and exit the shop feeling like your feet are walking on air.
Sometimes we focus too much on the ''should'' and not enough on the ''maybe?'' and the ''could'' where we can discover some shared joys.
Is there a group at Uni that focuses on relaxation techniques? It might help.
You need a little joy in your life rather than trying to force things along.
Ask yourself every morning, ''is this good for me? the book, ''the art of selfishness'' was written, I think, in the 1930s. It debunks the myth that selfish is wrong. Instead it helps people to see a clear path ahead means doing what is right for your situation.
You've realized that he is important to you - so do tell him.
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female
reader, aunt honesty +, writes (22 February 2016):
Being stressed at work, can make you look at other areas of your life with a negative outlook. So I think to begin with you should try and sort out work and uni work so that you are less stressed.
As for your relationship why is it you think you will break up? Have you both things in common? If you run out of conversation then maybe watch a movie or do something else fun together?
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