A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Women, do you mind if men approach you in the gym? There's two women in my gym, around my age, who I've noticed looking my way every time we're in the gym working out. Usually I have my headphones on and mind my own business, but it's kind of hard to miss either of them. I'm kind of conflicted...Part of me wants to approach either of them, just to make an effort (never know what could come of it), but part of me says not to...I don't know, maybe it's the education system, but since like junior high school in Canada, it's been pounded into our head (guys) that 'women on the street are not objects, they're just out and about doing what they want to do so don't assume you can approach them' and it's one of the main reason, at least among all the guys I know, we don't approach women any more. What do you think I should do? Reply to this Question
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male
reader, Serpico  +, writes (25 February 2016):
Its not where you approach, its how. Despite what is said here about "not being a piece of meat" and so forth, in reality, the more confident and aggressive you are about it, the more sexually attracted the woman will be to you.
A
female
reader, maverick494 +, writes (25 February 2016):
That advice from junior high is to discourage guys from looking and behaving like women are pieces of meat they can own. By this most people mean an agressive attitude, making comments about women's body parts ("nice ass"), the way they dress ("you look like a slut in that dress") and stuff like ("smile for me, you look prettier when you smile"). That kind of behavior is not okay and that was basically what people were trying to teach you. Making conversation in the gym with someone is harmless.
So sure, go up to one of them when they're not in the middle of something and just make small talk, see if you can get a conversation going. Guys usually approach me when I'm filling up my water bottle or when I'm going to the same class they're attending ("nice to see you here again") or to ask me if I know the purpose of a specific machine in the gym.
So go ahead, talk to them!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 February 2016): This thing about the message in junior high I think you need to find a way of having some kind of instinct or intuition of when it's the appropriate time to show an interest in somebody. If everybody was under the impression that men shouldn't ever make a move or ask women on dates then us women would start to feel a bit confused that nobody ever gave us attention and we'd all be left on the shelf :) if that makes sense.Thinking about my past relationships some have started after them striking up a conversation with me when I'm out and about doing everyday things. I wouldn't ever talk to a man who was being aggressive or annoying, say if I went to the gym and every time I saw them they were leering at me, glancing for more time than is comfortable and using cheesy chat up lines and posing the whole time.If you have a nice demeanour and talk to them nicely then no it isn't the same as what your high school was trying to deter. That's about overly aggressive people who always behave that way and can't help but find opportunities to harass women into hooking up.If they look at you, then that could be a sign they would like to get to know you but don't know how to go about it. As another poster said some women go in a full face of make up trying to look super hot and not break a sweat. But they could just like looking perfect at all times not for male attention but to feel good. And people in the gym tend to want to be that way as they go there to improve themselves and their image, getting healthy and all. I like to wear nice clothes and get my hair done but that's for the purpose of feeling good in myself. Some people even like to be looked at and noticed, not because they want people to show a romantic interest but just to be admired. I know some heterosexual male gym buffs who absolutely loved being looked at by other guys, like a peacock I suppose! I guess some women could be that way too.Try and put the fact that you want to date them to the back of your mind, just get out there and make friendships or at least find out more about them. That would be better than going in for the kill and finding out they both have awful personalities or are as dumb as a box of rocks. They could accept your offer of a date, you may not like them and then gym time would be extremely awkward trying to hide behind the dumbbells until they finish working out :)But relax not all women feel constantly harassed by men and some love interacting with members of the opposite sex. I can understand how a gym instructor would tire of constant attention as it's her everyday job and she has to deal with men checking her out constantly. You really don't sound aggressive as you are worried about making a move and have asked a question about it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): Even 'those women' that go to the gym and 'don't work up a sweat' and wear makeup aren't always there to be 'seen' as one answer suggested. You had a good message taught to you, but this shouldn't stop you from being a polite human being. As someone else said, if you have a particular routine then say hi to people as you pass them and as it's happens more you might start chatting as you see the same faces.
Those girls might look like they're staring because you notice them as you are attracted to them, so you look at them more. They might just be glancing around everyone just as much. Just say hi more often or just smile as you pass if they do glance at you.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 February 2016):
 I'd stick with pleasantries (such as hi, how are you with an added smile).
They might be watching you, but we can't tell you why they are.
I don't agree that it's "only" to talk to them if they are interested. That's ridiculous. But most people go to the gym to work out, not met new people. Some DO go to be seen (those are the girls who don't work up a sweat and wear a lot of make up). There is a difference from being "seen" to being "hit on".
So, if I were you I'd start small with the hi, hello and gauge the reaction you get. Go from there.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): Women only think hitting on them is rude if they don't like you. If their answer would be "yes" then you definitely should make a pass.
As long as you can read women's minds you will never be rude to anyone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 February 2016): Just say hello and talk workout talk. Don't show any particular sign of interest outside of fitness. Just because someone looks your direction doesn't mean they're interested.
They may notice you're showing-off to gain attention, or using poor technique.
Leave people alone in the gym accept to exchange pleasantries. It's policy in many gyms to maintain good conduct at all times, and to leave the ladies alone. If they flirt first, you're in like flint. If not, just a smile is enough or say hello off premises.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 February 2016):
 Oh, and to answer your question more specifically. My trainer is a very attractive woman who has had to fend off men. She would not be open to an approach. She is married and not on the market. She's just super attractive and spends time in the gym.
So your question would be, how would you know? The answer to that is that you pay attention, you make friends with people in the gym. You make connections to people beyond the dating thing.
You don't have to do it during the workout. if you are in the gym with some routine and regularity, you will see other regulars.
Smile, make eye contact, talk to them, get to know them.
The thing is that you may wind up talking to a grandmother who has a superhot granddaughter. And if you know the grandmother and she thinks you are a decent interesting cool guy, she might just introduce you to that superhot granddaughter.
Get to know people.
If you can't due to social anxiety or some confusion surrounding the junior high message that's been pounded into your head, then you have another thing to work on.
Just be a human being.
Oh, and be sure you are really well groomed. There is nothing more of a turn off than a super stinky guy at the gym. You could have been eliminated as a potential date before you even made eye contact!
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 February 2016):
Smile, say hi, do your workout. Be sure they aren't looking your way because you are hogging a machine or dropping weights with a loud *clang*--- [sorry, pet peeve of mine]
Do that for a month or two, smile, say hi, do your workout. Pay attention. They might have friends who come workout with them. Or you'll see the boyfriend.
Is there a lobby, or gathering place where people hang out a bit before or after a workout? Spend some time there.
Is there anything that says you can't get to know someone? Engage in polite chitchat?
When you say it's kind of hard to miss either of them, does that mean they are all up in your face? Or that they are built like supermodels or something?
Do you go with friends to the gym or is this a solitary activity for you?
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