A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I am 3 years into a relationship.I`m aware of my bad points.I even told her my negative points from day one. Now 3 years down the line she`s constantly nagging and bringing up my bad points. She organises everything we do,without a thought. I am expected to be in bed at the same time she goes,if i`m tired first,then this is called falling asleep on her,or neglect. The other week she got out of the car and stormed off and refused to get back in,because i bought something i didnt need.I`m now being told that if she`d been murdered then it was my fault. After retaliating back to abusive texts,she`s then seeking advise from abused partners online. She tells me how her ex husband used to disappear for days on end,steal and lie to her. Yet constantly nags me over minor issues and not changing for her.I have done nothing wrong to her but been told i have,without any mention of me catching her sex chatting and sending sexual pictures of herself to males 20 years her junior online,in which i`m expected to stay silent. Yet to her I am a cheat. It appears to me that she tells people i`m wonderful,but indoors i hear different. Anything she bought me was taken back if we argued. I love her and in many ways connect,is this enough? I really need to know why i`m so bad for her yet claims undying love for me?
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female
reader, Ask Heather +, writes (27 February 2007):
 I agree with rhythmandblues2, I think this has gone on for far too long. Can you picture yourself being tormented like this for another 3 years? I appretiate how frustrated you must feel, loving her, trying your best to please her, but getting nowhere. You could try councelling, but I really can`t see things changing. I think it`s time to throw in the towel. You deserve better. My thoughts are with you, Kind Regards, Heather.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): I don't know pal, I don't like the sounds of this at all.
She stomps off from the car and refuses to get back in? She criticizes you for falling asleep before she does? She takes back items that were purchased for you by her if you get into an argument? She sends naked pictures of herself to boys and talks dirty on line, but she calls you a liar and a cheat? And you are "silent" on this issue.
How old is this woman? You are in your 40's and you are my friend in an abusive relationship. This woman is very emotionally immature and she has anger control problems, and may very well be mentally unstable and mentally ill to the point that anything you "try" will not normalize your relationship.
You have been in it for 3 years, isn't 3 years and one day more too long to be wasting your life like this?
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A
female
reader, Carina  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 This lady is very insecure. I guess it's because of problems she had in her previous marriage. I'm concerned that she's been sex chatting and sending pictures of herself to men. Have you not discussed this with her? You must talk to her about why she does it and tell her how much it hurts you. You need to be firm about asking her to stop doing it. How would she feel if you were doing the same thing?! I highly recommend you get some couple counselling which will help both of you with past baggage. Having a third party to keep the atmosphere calm means that your discussions don't disintegrate into rows. At the moment it sounds as though neither of you is listening properly to what the other is saying. A lot of what she's saying and doing is a cry for attention. On the other hand, by constantly criticising you, she's driving you away. Try calmly to explain to her how this is happening. See if you can have a quiet sit down talk about all the things that are bothering both of you. Make sure you both listen carefully to what the other is really saying. For example, complaining about you falling asleep is her way of saying 'I love you and want you to want to be with me'. Your falling asleep may be in part because you're saying 'stop nagging me and making me feel bad'. Try to agree on some compromises for both of you. I'm crtain this can be worked out and you'll both me much happier for it. Good luck!
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