A
male
age
41-50,
*orris
writes:I have been married for a couple of years now and before our wedding me and my wife were seeing each other for a few years more. Our sex life has been good over the years, but i would like to spice it up a bit.I have heard that one way to get closer is to share fantasies. Which i have tried doing, but each time i do she gets too shy and wont share hers.I have tried many ways of dealing with this. By leading the way myself and being open about my own fantasies, by starting these conversations over a couple of glasses of wine so that she's more relaxed. I have even taken to writing erotic short stories on all kinds of different sexual practises just so she understands that i am broad minded and i wont judge her whatever her fantasy is. But still, all she says is that she doesn't have any. I'm convinced that every body has some sexual ideal, and i would just like to fullfill hers. Has anybody else got this problem? Does anybody have advise on how i could get her to open up more?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): At the end of the day, whatever a womans fantasy is... it may not be able to be fulfilled. dont wanna burst your bubble, but whatever your fantasy is, you will just imagine most.. woman however yes we have fantasies, however, we know our men will not come close to fulfilling them so why bother. Atleast most of the time. End of the day, whats with the fantasies? Its obviously not workin, so something new is required....how about covering the bed with bin liners and smothering it with baby oil, having a bowl of strawberries, a bottle of champaign and some feathers and a blindfold nearby????? use youre imagination.. there is more to spicing up your love life than fantasies, why not reality.... its more real, and woman like real... not fake
A
male
reader, eddie  +, writes (27 February 2007):
 Your wife might be telling the truth. Women don't think about sex like men. In many cases, if we knew how little they thought about it we'd be devistated......
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (27 February 2007): Answering your last question directly. A way of getting people to open up when they are shy or don't want to speak is to respond in this way.
"What are you fantasies?"
"I don't have any"
"If you did, what would it be?"
or something along those line, e.g. "If you could.. what would it be?"
It's a more indirect way of getting someone to tell you what they do actually think, e.g. it is appealing to "what if" rather than forcing them to make a statement about themselves. Since you want to appeal to their imagination anyway, you are more likely to get an answer.
If it fails, you could try more alcohol. :)
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