A
male
age
36-40,
*bonex
writes:My wife sometimes mentions her ex's name for whatever reason and also uses his name for passwords, usernames, etc. She says it because it's easy for her to remember; but I think it's for another reason. I haven't been snooping but I just know. Makes me think that she's not really over him and I can understand that as he has the time advantage over me. They were together at least 4 years and I have only been with my wife for almost for two years; but we've been married for 9 months out of that time. It's various other things as well but I won't mention them at the moment.I myself think that's not a good sign for me but not really sure. I spoke to her about it before and not in a bad way and she got real offended in a sense. It's confusing.
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male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (26 June 2009):
Tbonex is verified as being by the original poster of the question I can understand that, if it was before. This one was while she was with me, so what's up with that. Thank you a reader, anonymous
A
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2009): This is what I do with my account passwords too even before I met my boyfriend. So when my boyfriend noticed that my password is my ex's name... i was embarrassed. But I love my boyfriend ofcourse!! More than my ex. I just got so used to it that it doesn't mean anything anymore. Although I have to be honest, sometimes I still think of my ex but not in a way where I hope we still get back together. I just wanted to know how he is.
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (26 June 2009):
Tbonex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you MANswers, that's good advice.
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A
male
reader, MANswers +, writes (26 June 2009):
I don't think you're wrong for being a little put out about this. Something like that would make anybody feel insecure. While nothing is probably going on, I think she's being pretty self absorbed by not being able to see it from your perspective. Of course if I were you I wouldn't say that to her.
My advice to you is to be direct. Let her know how you feel and try to get her to see it from your point of view. Being that her ex cheated on her she should have some understanding about the insecurity that the specter of another man/woman hanging over the relationship can bring about. Don't be accusatory or passive aggressive when you do it, and don't let it slide. This isn't going to go away until you confront her. If she gets mad, oh well, you guys are going have to have a fight. One of the keys to maintaining a good relationship is to pick your battles wisely and not sweat the small stuff. From what it sounds like, this is a battle worth having. Good Luck.
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (26 June 2009):
Tbonex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMale reader, anonymous; thank you too. She should have more respect as I honestly do like to treat her with it.
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (26 June 2009):
Tbonex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFemale reader, anonymous; thank you as well. positivity is good for relationships.
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (26 June 2009):
Tbonex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you, TheAgonyAunt. To be honest, it was only about 2-3 months after they had broke up because he cheated on her. But you're probably right, so thanks.
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A
female
reader, TheAgonyAunt  +, writes (26 June 2009):
 I can see why you feel as if she hasn't got over him, using his name as passwords and stuff is a little bit strange...
How long did they break up before you both got together?
Maybe she still hadn't got over him if it was soon after they broke up but that doesn't mean she doesn't love you or favours him more than you.
Don't worry, I'm sure nothing bad is going on, I'm sure she just misses him, even just as a friend which is quite understandable if she was with him for 6 years.
I think you should talk to her when and make her promise not to get angry and just say its bothering you and you just want to hear what she has to say. Dont make it sound like your accusing her of anything because thats what will make her get defensive and angry.
Hope my advice helps and goodluck :)
=)
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (25 June 2009):
Tbonex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThe thing is her ex cheated on her why would she think about him in such a way? I don't know but I guess it's hard to just not completely love someone that you have for a while. I'll be cool about it but approach the situation in a good way.
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A
male
reader, Tbonex +, writes (25 June 2009):
Tbonex is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): Just talk to her about it again and let her know it makes you uncomfortable. Make her understand at the very beginning of the discussion that you have a problem, and something is concerning you. Twist this to be about your discomfort, and then maybe she wont get offended. Its easy to see how she'd get offended: she probably thought you were accusing her of still loving/wanting her ex. So be careful of what you say so it wont come off as accusations, stick to what you wanted to say and then hear her out. Dont get aggressive or get into a fight, just calmly talk it over.
If it's nothing, it shouldn't be too hard for her to start using another name as passwords, out of respect to you.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2009): They may not be together physically, but mentally even on a subconcious level, she's still thinking about him. I mean she should have a little more respect for you you're her present now it'd definitely piss me off
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