A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi All, I am really stuck and would really appreciate some help. I am in a really tricky situation with a girl who I work with. We were both in long term relationships and got together around 7 months ago both leaving partners after we cheated on them. When we first got together things were amazing and we loved spending time with each other, things changed for the worst when I read through her phone and I found messages from her ex boyfriend stating " I love you too" and messages sent from my girlfriend " I so want us to be back together" I spoke to my girlfriend and her response was that it was a mistake and she really loved me. I swallowed my pride and forgave her. This happened a second time when we were on holiday with messages to the same effect and ones which said that she really enjoyed going out in the car and spending time with him. I again forgave her. This then happened a third time when it transpired my girlfriend had slept with her ex boyfriend, we broke up for a while and I gave her space and she came back to me and said that she made a huge mistake and she really wants to be with me and does not care about him. I so want to believe her but her friends are friends with his friends and they associate in the same social circles as each other. We tried again a few weeks ago but we got into petty arguments regarding the txts and how they spent new years eve in a group together. This girl is my life and I love her with all of my heart I cant imagine been without her. Please help I am so so so confused and miserable.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 January 2009): You know you are about as happy as you make your mind up to be. Obviously you are addicted to this drama and you think her physical beauty is worth all that she puts you through. That tells me something about you and your inner demons or issues that you are working out through this rather dysfunctional relationship.
No one is going to tell you or convince you that this is not a great woman for you.....you aren't ready to hear it....so what you might do is date other women, tell her that she can take all the time she needs to make her choice, but you aren't going to wait around for her to do it and there are no guarantees that you will want her when she does.
What you both lack is commitment...neither one of you are ready for a serious committed relationship and until you are you will go through this time and again.
She may not be capable of it, or being faithful but go ahead and waste a few more months of your life on her and find out if you want to do so.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the question
Hi All,
Thanks for the reply's back. The only problem is I love this girl with all of my heart and soul and don't want to be with anybody else she is so beautiful i think of her non stop when i am not with her, I am really struggling with this one.
Thanks
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 January 2009): She has already shown her character and so have you. She cheated on her ex, dumped him and now she is playing you both like a broken harp.....oh wait, she is a harpy, gee that is an old term......maybe I should just forgive her because she hasn't heard of it and she doesn't know she is one....a tramp.....um, well I think she knows what that is......kick her to the curb and don't cheat on future girlfriends, now you know what it feels like, payback is a bitch.
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A
female
reader, pastfirst  +, writes (14 January 2009):
 She's playing games with you.
She obviously enjoys the attention she's getting, and I'm sorry to say that you're making a fool of yourself by letting her keep you wrapped around her little finger.
Stop being such a pushover. Where's your self respect?
You may think you love her, but in actual fact, she's just making you miserable.
Find someone more worthy of you. You don't deserve this kind of treatment!
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A
male
reader, Ed1337 +, writes (14 January 2009):
 How can you put up with someone cheating on you three times? You mentioned the two of you got together 7 months ago after cheating on your partners, your heading for a life of hurt if you think shes going to change.
Sorry to say this but you need to grow some balls and walk away from her, she thinks its fine to cheat on you because you keep taking her back, your just giving her the green light to do it again, because she knows your weak. Can you honestly say that you love her after everthing she has done to you?
Listen to Dry your eyes by the streets, there are plenty of fish in the sea, don't waste your life away chasing someone who keeps running back to her ex.
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