A
male
age
41-50,
*orcal Dave
writes:I am almost 29 and I have been in love with a woman 20 years older than me for the past 3 years. We have dated off and on since we met. She has waivered and gone back to her ex - because he can provide for her financially better than I can - a couple times, but we always seem to get back together. Our time spent together is priceless. We love each other but she has insecurities that make it tough. Also, she doesn't want to work anymore, she wants to be fully supported by her spouse. I WILL be able to fully support her in a couple years, but not now as my career is just getting off the ground. Because her ex is rich, sometimes she runs back to him. But, we always find each other again and I am really thinking about proposing to her because I don't want kids, I just want to live my life with her and be her husband. I think it may be too soon to propose, but I want to show her how committed I am to being with her.Advice????
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male
reader, Norcal Dave +, writes (19 June 2007):
Norcal Dave is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the advice. My mom does know about her and she doesn't agree but age gap relationships of this sort should not be taboo just because they are uncommon. They are becoming increasingly more popular and accepted and I don't agree with the double standard that a man can marry a woman half his age but a woman can't? If the man doesn't want kids, what's the problem???
I agree and can see what you guys are saying about her though...and I know marriage is a bit of a jump...it was just a thought...she'd have to show me first that she can fully commit to me for at least a year without waivering back to her ex to show me that we can make this work.
She is not lazy and not a gold-digger, she just was reliant on him for so long that it's all she knows...I can see that she is waking up to that and finding her direction as a person again...but she HAS left me for him before, thinking it would be easier to settle...but we meet up and then she sees how happy she is with me and then we go for it again.
This time, if she leaves me, it will be the last straw.
And I will know there is someone better out there for me.
Thanks for the advice. I am going to give her the chance to commit to me one more time and see what happens. I could be setting myself up for more pain, but what can I say, I love her and want to be with her, and I feel she is worth it.
A
female
reader, neonpinkngooey +, writes (19 June 2007):
 if your ex frequently leaves you now, what makes you think she won't leave you when you are married? if you are with someone that jumps between being provided with love, or provided with material possessions, she is too confused to settle down! i completely agree with mr. kermit; find someone else that will devote her time to YOU and not some guy that has money. you deserve better!
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Frank and DrBroz have said all you need to know, man. You just have to follow their advice.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 My advice is to FIND SOMEONE ELSE TO PROPOSE TOO. You only focus on the fact she came back to you. As a man, you should be focusing on the fact SHE LEFT YOU FOR MONEY.
Seriously, THIS is the woman that you want raising your kids? It is not about how committed you are too her (she knows it already). It is about YOU having some self-respect and wanting to be with someone that treats you good.
-FBK
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A
female
reader, drbroz +, writes (19 June 2007):
 Oh my, you do have a situation.
Your girfriend is old enough to be your mother (how does your mother feel about this, by the way?) and, she appears to be a dependent, gold-digging, lazy, cheater.
Now, I know that is harsh. But marriages are built on the idea of "for better or worse", it sounds to me like this woman wants "for better or better". She doesn't want to work anymore? How sweet! No wonder you fell for her, charming. Keeping a home is work, too. Will you be expected to do the housework, too?
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