A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am on some on-line dating sites, and there is this guy who has asked me out on a date. However, he came across really slimey by mentioning my breasts rather than anything else about my profile. I sometimes wonder if I have had a complete sense of humour by-pass but I found it insulting, but was he in fact just being honest (when lets face it those guys who don't say things like that are thinking it)??? It has totally put me off him, but bearing in mind I am very picky about men should I go for it or use my gut instinct? The problem I have is that women are expected to put up with any old rubbish or else we are uptight if we don't display a sense of humour! I am finding it nigh on impossible to find a decent man these days, and wonder if I should compromise my standards somewhat to find a man! I am going to a speed dating event tomorrow night. I have been before, but they are truly awful. They either seem to be really old guys, particularly with a ton of issues, some absolute oddballs that give you the creeps, some with temper problems and no sense of humour, some who are absolutely desperate or it is absolutely painful trying to get them to talk. Unfortunately, I find it more lonely going to these events than being on my own.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 I don't think you should lower your standards. You won't be comfortable with a man who does not "meet" the minimum you need.
However, I think that you should also avoid speed dating and, to a point, online dating. I have the impression that these days it's difficult for people to find a true match. The men who, er, would meet only low standards, know this, and I'm sure that's why you keep finding them.
Once I heard a person say that she wasn't looking in bars, either, as she was more likely to find someone who would not commit. I know it's hard, but with a little patience you'll find someone you'll like. Just don't give up.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): Sweetheart,
Never lower your standards, i dont blame you for being put off, if thats the first thing he mentioned...But dont give up there are nice guys out there, just give it time and never change you for anyone. TAKE CARE LOTS OF LOVE AND LUCK XXXXXXX
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A
female
reader, deejuliet  +, writes (19 June 2007):
 I know it is hard, but no, I dont think you should lower your standards. I know so many guys out there just dont deserve to be with a great woman like you, but somewhere out there there is a great guy and someday you will meet him. I know it all sounds like platitudes, but it is true. Stay true to yourself. Like you said, it is better to be alone than with some of these creeps.
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A
female
reader, drbroz +, writes (19 June 2007):
 You may need to lower your standards if you absolutely must have a man. But, I doubt that is the case;)
Keep trying, I think the guy who mentioned your breasts was out of line, and by now knows it. It bothers me a little bit that you had such ready labels for all the rest. Are you perhaps putting men into categories instead of trying to really get to know them? Only you can answer. I would also suggest (if you haven't tried them already) the intelligent dating services like e-harmony.com. They actually try to match you according to your traits. And, also look at how they size you up (e-harmony)you may learn something about yourself.
Another trick, write down the characterics of the man you want, and then ask your friends (and think about it yourself), where would a man like that be? Sporting events, charity events, church, the library, because that's where he is.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (19 June 2007): No don't lower your standards. A guy that mentions your breasts is a slime bag. I would not even talk to him after that. It's also creepy. Just be patient and the right guy will come along. Good Luck.
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