A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:So here's the situation.I've liked this girl for as long as I've known her, I never asked her out cuz I though she was married or dating someone which I was correct.She was dating this guy for like two years and one night we met at the club and partied and hooked up, of course I asked if she was single to which she claimed to be "on and off relationship at that time off" so yea we became a physical relationship not relationship relationship.Later we stoped "hanging out" for a couple months. Just dropped off the grid.Later we got back to talking and started "hanging out again" so it was valentines day and I went out on a limb and told her a love her which I really felt I did.Later there were things that I noticed that she had posted of facebook that was as though her and her "ex" was still living together and seeing each other and I was on the side. I once visited her place and the mystereously another week had passed and her "ex" posted something about an object in her place which I had brought up, hey are you two still living together?So she kept tellin me that she wasnt livin with him and that he moved out.After some time a trust was gathered again and we started dating seriously for a month. Then she broke up with me because she was uncertain of her feelings for me.Then we got back together again, and her "ex" goes on a tdy and she "watches" his truck while he's gone? again a little suspicious.so again trust is rebuilt after askin what was up with the truck thing, I get a idea to see how she really feels and come up with a lie to make her jellous. It worked she admited to loving me.So it seems as though after every time her and I had sex the next day it would be a fight so I started doing a "push and pull" thing because of how she was acting towards me, that made me question whether I wanted to stay with her or not.So right when I go on vacation, we got into another argument over the phone, I told her that she didnt act like I was her bf and that, After she broke up with me that I didnt know if I loved her or not. (I still did just said that). The next day we talk on the phone again, and she kept pushing me to say I was sorry for telling her I loved her after wut I said over the phone the previos night. I get pushed to the point I wanted to end it. so we break up, then she says guess what I'm pregnant and sends me a pic of the ultrasound, also she says things like I was only with you for sex and that it wasnt that good anyway.Anyway she appoligizes for those things I try tellin her I still want to work things out not for the baby but because I still loved her.When I get back from vacation I find out on facebook that she went home to marry her "ex" how shitty is that?I tell her congrats and she comes over to explain everything. She said she was "artificially encemanated by her ex before her and i were "officially a couple" what kinda shit is that really? the dr says its more like that its her "exs/now husband" but still no paternaty test. so it can still be my kid. She also tells me she only married him outta spite for her and I's end.Anyway during our talk we kind of talk things out and she appoligizes for hurting me and not telling me the whole story. mind you in my mind she still lied to me about the whole thing, her definition of lying is if I asked her a question that is true and she saying no.so we hug a couple of times for a one last goodbye hug, she sees and knows that im crushed, then she finally leaves after 20 mins of sitting there because something clicked in her head that she knew what she was missing from me. So later she calls me and starts talking about what if she snuck a kiss and then she starts ranting about coming over there while her husband is out with the guys and kiss her to see if theres still a spark. She says things like if theres a spark she will devorce her husband for me. but if the baby does turn out to be his, what will happen? If the baby does turn out to be mine, what will happen? she told me she would leave him for me. She claims that she told him everything about the situation but I dont believe her.Anyway, So she wants me to test to see if she has a connection with me still and I tell her I cant because though my heart loves you my brain says no, Also she claims to still love me and that I am affraid of gettin hurt, dont I have a right to be? does he have a right to be?My heart tells me to get back together with her or kiss her to feel that connection, but every thing in my gut says dont.One thing I forgot to mention she never knew her father, and has a baby whom the father isnt apart of.I have no idea what to do, all of the younger people I ask for help are set that I should just stop even though I still love her. Any helpfull advice out there?
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broke up, crush, facebook, get back together, got back together, her ex, moved out, spark Reply to this Question
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female
reader, karen1989  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 You should leave her. You can't keep turning your trust for this woman on and off. She can't be trusted,end of.
It sounds like shes wasting your time,I understand that you love her and its very hard to let go off someone that you love but what other choice do you have? Shes confusing you,and in turn making your miserable. Do you really want to continue in an on and off relationship like this? Sounds pretty emotionally draining to me. Its your decision but personally I think you should stop wasting your time on her and go and find somebody worth loving.
If you want a relationship she doesnt sound like an ideal candidate.
Good luck :).
Karen.
A
female
reader, johannabanana +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Either way this is a lose situation. Someone WILL get hurt. If it isn't you it will be her husband. Obviously if he married her he loves her just as much. However you already lost her once so why not lose her again? Let her kiss you.... But if she tries to make a move for more stop her and tell her that is what she wanted. Tell her she needs to leave so she can think about what she wants to do. If was fully satisfied with the guy she married she would not be talking to you. She said she married him over spite. Then again her actions don't make her sound like a very nice person and it sounds like you deserve better. Tell her to take a paternity test. You could even negotiate... When she finds out who the father is and if she claims it's you have her show you the proof in ink. In exchange you let her kiss you.... That way you can know if you have a kid in the world. You don't want a kid growing up not knowing their real father.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (18 July 2010):
 Listen to your head .Listen to your guts. Listen to the younger friends.
This woman has shown to be totally unreliable,and you cannot trust her even to give you the correct time od the day . I believe in giving people a second chance, but in your case with all this back and forth I think she already got more chances than she deserved.
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