A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I have recently decided to break up with my girlfriend. We have been going out for about 1 year and a few months. I am breaking up with her because she is too busy for me or just doesn't feel the same about me anymore. I don't want to hurt her or do anything to discourage her. Leading her on in q relationship that probably isn't going anywhere is the last thing I want to do. How do I break up with her and not make her feel bad? How can I remain friends with her as well? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2012): "It's not you it's me" works a charm. Then just tell her you feel the relationship has run it's course and you want to move on.
Friends for now is not what you should be thinking of, you're breaking up so you'll need some time apart. Honestly OP if you want to do this in the nicest way possible then don't be her "friend" afterwards and confuse things.
But seriously OP be short about the break up and keep it simple, it's not you it's me I just feel this has run its course and I want to move on. It's nothing you did, you've done nothing wrong I just feel it's time. I hope we can be friends in the future.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Ya know this should be easy... if she already does not have time for you, then stop rowing the relationship boat...
stop asking her out... stop calling...
in a few days she will call and you can tell her then that you think it's time that you both moved on, clearly it's not working out... and it's NORMAL at your age.. that's what dating is all about
as for being friends... I vote no.... it's NOT good to be friends with your ex. Being friendly is fine... but to be actual friends... not going to happen...
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (22 October 2012):
 "How do I break up with her and not make her feel bad? How can I remain friends with her as well?"
You won't be able to break up with her without hurting her. I know you care about her and it sucks to feel like you are causing her to hurt, but she will be OK. By the sound of it she's almost asking you to break up with her so she won't have to.
I don't see why you should try to remain friends. It makes it impossible for either of you to move on, having each other be present in your lives. Just make a clean break and it will be easier on everyone. Don't try to prolong it by remaining friends.
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A
female
reader, k_c100  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 There is no good way to break up with someone, if you love that person of course it will hurt when the relationship ends. You just have to be honest with her and talk to her in person - give her the real reasons as well rather than some made up excuse.
As for being friends, this is never normally a good idea with your ex to try and be friends. In most cases it never works because someone always has more feelings that just 'friendship' left over for the other person. I would just leave it a while after the break up to give each other some space and see how you feel in a few months. I'm sure you already have plenty of friends so there is no need to have one more friend when it will be a bit awkward and uncomfortable as you know far more about each other than friends should.
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A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (22 October 2012):
 Well, if she is always too busy for you and/ or does not feel the same, chances are she won't be too hurt by your decision. She may be even relieved for all you know. Often people don't want just to come out and say " it's over " , they just start slowly and painfully pulling out their energy from the relationship , hoping more or less consciouslt that the other party gets fed up.
Regardless of that, and not having kids together , or a long common past history, or shared properties, or anything that would suggest proceeding with a lot of caution, I'd say you are entitled to be " selfish " and think of yourself: if you are not happy with the relationship, just check out. If she is displeased ,- well, that's a useful lesson, ow she knoes that if she wants to keep her relationships, she needs to act differently, and / or make more of an effort.
As for staying friends, personally I don't think it is a good idea, but that's just me. I thinkanyway it can be done, if it's worthy, but in a while, not just after a break up where inevitably there will be on either side romantic, sexual feelings lingering, or negative emotions of disappointments, hurt ego , disillusionment etc. Let the dust settle, stay no contact for a while, and when you have regrouped , and both moved on , then, if you still think is worthy, and you both want it, you can ( maybe ) a real , healthy friendship without ambiguous undertones.
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