A
male
age
51-59,
*urtingman
writes:Right where do i start im martin 34 and my girlfriend ended the relationship nearly 3 weeks ago now.She ended it because she didnt trust me and i lied about so many things.firstly i lied about having a job i had lost it but didnt tell i had lost it.Then i pretended i had crashed my car but in truth i had to give it back to the company i used to work foras couldnt afford to keep it.these lies came out and we got throught them at christmas time.Unbeknown to my girlfriend while i was off work i started to play poker online and gamble money i didnt have Then i did an unforgivable thing i used her bank card and gambled her money £ 90 o my god how could i i was thinking at the time that is so lowbut instead of telling her what i had done i let her find out herself.Even after this we were still togetherThe final straw happened on jan 26th 2007 her friend came over and wanted to borrow her laptop but i had broken it as was trying to get some data back from itso obviously she thought had sold itshed packed her things and was ready to leave as i got home from workI have always had a problem with lying which is why im seeking counselling now as i realise it just cant continueEven though i lie i would never cheat thats something that so important to me.i love this girl with all my heart but i know there no trust nowwe speak every day on the phone for over an hour and she told me she still loves me so much but needs to look after herself now i just want to build that trust up again so so muchshe is the one and i hate myself for being who i was how can i prove it?? please its so hard knowing she still loves and i love her and we both dont want other relationships i just want this pain to go so i can hold her again Her name is lee-ann she truly is the one.
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male
reader, hurtingman +, writes (14 March 2007):
hurtingman is verified as being by the original poster of the question Thanks for all the advice
Well ive been going to counselling for last 4 weeks and really think im making progress.
Just want to give one bit of advice to any man trying to get back with a loved one...
That is dont push it dont ring if she doesnt want to
dont text just leave it alone for a while
i wouldnt leave her alone flowers cards letters even booked a trip to rome
she really got pissed off with me
when a woman says give her time please just give it to her
even though she still loved me she wanted space but i wouldnt give it to her
so guys please take advice just leave them be for a while when she ready she will come back
A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (21 February 2007):
 Send her a card and keep it simple. Get one saying "wishing you well" or "wishing you every happiness in your future" something like that. Let her know in it that you are sorry you lied, you admit to the lying and now you are going to counselling for it and it is coming along great! Let her know too that through all the lies there was one thing that remained truth... and that was your feelings for her. You're not sending this card to get a reaction from her, you're simply sending it to confirm that your feelings for her have ALWAYS been the truth. Then wish her all the best for the future.
Leave it at that then wait. If she wants you back she'll get in touch. If she doesn't then you have to admit to yourself it's over and move on. You've learned a good lesson though and I hope your future relationships thrive.
Eve
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A
female
reader, dragonette  +, writes (15 February 2007):
 On saying sorry without sounding pathetic: Try writing it down and see if it looks good in words. Then try saying it to yourself in front of the mirror and see if it sounds okay.
Maybe you should write her a card, that way she won't have to see you when it will make her hurt.
Then you can give her a call at some point just to check if she got the card and see if she feels less painful about talking with you.
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A
male
reader, hurtingman +, writes (15 February 2007):
hurtingman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all the advice guyspaid her back the money the other nightbut didnt go to well she cant get over the fact i stole from her but i cant blame her reallyshe told me her heart broken and cant see me as hurts her too much as still loves me.i know i need to stick at councelling and become a stronger more honest person first.i thing is though how do you say sorry for this without sounding pathetic and how do i tell her even though i lied i never lied about my feelings to her
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A
female
reader, AskEve +, writes (13 February 2007):
First of all can I say WELL DONE to you. First of all you've admitted you have a problem and secondly you're already going to counselling for it. That in itself would have been a big step for you but you did it. In time you'll be able to get over this and become more away BEFORE you speak to make sure what you say isn't fabricated in any way and your counsellor will help you all the way.
Here is a link you might find interesting to read. There are some good points in it for you.
http://wiki.answers.com/Q/Do_pathological_liars_ever_admit_they_are_liars
Continue with your counselling. Let Lee-ann know you're going because you want to kick the lying once and for all. Hopefully you can become friends again at least and with time she'll see for herself that you've changed for the better.
I wish you all the very best with it.
Eve
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A
male
reader, hurtingman +, writes (13 February 2007):
hurtingman is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for advice
i didnt state in previous mail that a started a fantastic new job 2 weeks ago i am paying her the money back tonight
and i went for my first councelling session last night.
this girl means world to me and want to repay not only money but hurt and upset..
one thing that worries me though her parents hate me ith apassion and i know they will be telling her not to come back
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A
female
reader, dragonette +, writes (13 February 2007):
It's great that you're trying to find a professional to talk to. It'll be very useful to you.
I think you need to build yourself up before you can start working on getting your girl back.
Get yourself a new job, try to pay back the money that you owe her (the 90£) when you get paid from the new job.
Try doing something physical (like jogging, swimming or football) it will make you feel better.
Oh, and don't forget to tell your ex-girlfriend that you're sorry for crashing her laptop, stealing her money and lying about your car and the job. I think it's important that you apologize for exactly what you're sorry for and not for "any harm I may have caused you" as it will make her feel that you truly are aware of how much damage you have done.
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A
male
reader, Dagwood  +, writes (13 February 2007):
 Hi hurtingman. Well you've probably been lying because you're pretending to be someone that you're not and have low self esteem. Good news is that you're looking into counselling. But don't just look, do it! Your girlfriend is looking for a strong, stable and honest person to be in a relationship with and she's right! So I'm sure if you go to counselling, sort your issues out. Get a new job and be yourself she'll love you and respect you even more. AND you'll land up loving yourself too! Do it mate, it's the only way. Good luck & take care.
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