A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:help me, please. i have no idea what to do. i love my ex so much. we just broke up about a week ago and she hurt me incredibly bad. we had a stupid, small misunderstanding the other day and all of a sudden that night, she told me she needed space out of nowhere. i was baffled considering we never raised voices and it was truly so insignificant. but i left her alone the rest of the day out of respect. the next day i was upset and really confused and asked her what was going on. she then proceeded to rip me apart saying some incredibly hurtful things that truly crushed me and caught me so off guard. she said she was tired of settling and just didn't give a damn about me anymore. that she didn't love me and didn't want to be with me, etc. i was floored and devistated and didn't know what i'd done to deserve being broken up with, much less being spoken to like that. and especially considering she'd just been talking about how much she loved me and sees her life with me just days before.we proceeded to not speak for about five days and i was hurting so badly, thinking she didn't care about me and that all the things she said were true. today i hear from her and she tells me she just needs to talk. she tells me her week has been horrible. that her brother had a bad car wreck last night and that she had found her dad wandering around downtown in a drugged up stupor the day she had asked for space (he's had a prior drug problem and had been missing for a couple weeks now), and he was so high, he didn't even recognize her when she stopped to help him. she called the cops and had him taken to the hospital to sober up. then perhaps to jail? anyway, she apologized for the things she said, saying she took all of her frustration out on me and that i never deserved it. that she turned something small between us into something big because she was so angry at the moment and just snapped. i tried to be there for her and just listen, despite everything that happened between us. she then said she hopes someday i can forgive her for how she treated me and the things she said and that she really hopes we can stay friends. i told her i thought it would be best if we speak face to face about this in order to figure things out when things settle down for her and she agreed. she asked for a little bit of time to let her family life calm down and that we would meet up and talk soon.i have no idea what to think. she hurt me incredibly bad. i don't know what she wants from me, why she treated me the way she did, and how i should proceed. any thoughts on any of it would be great. i'm really torn and confused about how i feel. thanks everyone.
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female
reader, Queen_mermaid  +, writes (7 June 2013):
Given all her family problem, She was stressed and perhaps at that time in anger she threw out all her frustration on you. Maybe somewhere she felt that you should be supporting her in such a situation.Instead You was adding up to her stress. Remember, There's a limit to what a person can take.I don't say she is not to be blame. Of course, it's not good that she told you so many things. However, you should be glad that she realised her mistake and apologise to you.From what you've said, it seems that happened to you for the first time. Why not give her another chance? After all, everyone deserve a second chance.If ever it happens again a second time, then it will be better you move on with someone else as she has no right to play with you emotions. Give it a though
A
male
reader, LAcreme  +, writes (6 June 2013):
 Wow! CMMP and Relationship.chef has said it all. I feel however, that she's had most of those hurtful words bottled up inside her before the incidence. Although, anger makes one say irritating stuff, more than imagined, but I'm certain 60-70% of all she uttered had been on her mind prior to the infraction.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 June 2013): cmmp is giving good advice on this, so listen to that.
Also there is power in making a decision.
Sure you didnt end things but in this case it would be letting her know you forgive her then go about moving on. Dont see her again and dont beg to go back.
Nothing haunts you more than remembering how desperate you can be after a relationship ends. Then 2 months later you realise how much better off you were than before.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (5 June 2013):
She could never properly explain to you why she did/said what she did. She already did her best and there's nothing more to say. She feels guilty, so she agreed to meet, but she's obviously done.
And take what she said with a grain of salt. Some people tend to say hurtful things at those times. I discovered after marriage that my wife was one of those people. When she starts acting like that I just walk away and don't take it personally.
Don't beat yourself up over it, this one's just not right for you. The key in getting over her is to recognize that; think off all her flaws and reasons why she wouldn't be a good person to marry or have a long term relationship with.
If I was you I'd close this chapter of your life by calling her up, thanking her for her apology, and telling her that you changed your mind and there's nothing you need to talk about in person. Then de-friend her on Facebook, and move on with your life. Resist the urge to contact her again.
You may find that difficult to do, but trust me, it's the best way to move on. If you try to get back with her you'll only embarrass yourself.
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A
male
reader, Serpico +, writes (5 June 2013):
Sounds like a drama queen. Believe me, those types are a dime a dozen and are to be avoided at all costs.
If she could leave you over someone so trivial, she's not worth your time.
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A
male
reader, Relationship.Chef +, writes (5 June 2013):
 Remember that old joke about a religious man and a flood? How the man drowned and upon getting to Heaven he demanded from God "Why did you not save me?" And how God replied "I sent you a car, a boat, and a helicopter. Why did you not take them?"You can't help someone who doesn't want help. Your ex doesn't want your help right now. Whether she is completely wrong to lob you in with all the men in her life (and I think she is), she doesn't see it, and you won't help her to.I've got bad news for you, buddy. The best thing you can do is to walk away. Trust me, you will never stop loving her, and she will never mean any less to you that she does right now, but there is nothing you can add to the equation at the moment.Take some time to reflect. Perhaps consider if she is the ideal person for you to be with (I know you do, but it never hurts to think). Take some time away from her. Give her room, and, who knows, maybe she'll come to her senses and ask forgiveness.Until then, the only thing you can do is more damage. Don't do it. Just let sleeping dogs lie. Good luck, brother! I know how hard it can be.
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