A
male
age
30-35,
*akers_lover09
writes:what does it mean when you split up from a parter of three years, but they havent told their parents, friends, or even changed her relationship status or pix of the two of you on FB?me and my ex gf broke up and she wants to stop talking for a little because it feels like we are together, but she hasnt told anyone that we have broken up. our breakup was sudden because we came to realize that we wanted different things..i wanted to get married and have kids soon while she wanted to wait ..and she also wanted me involvd in church and with her band (which i did not) is the fact that she is still holding on to me and that we had a very very strong relationship mean that there is a chance? do i give her space, let her go,..what?
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broke up, ex girlfriend, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 January 2011):
 Absolutely! I know you are going through a tough time, we've all been there! I would be more than happy to help you out.
A
male
reader, lakers_lover09 +, writes (28 January 2011):
lakers_lover09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks floridagirl. Can you message me for more help?
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 January 2011):
Here is my advice... do not contact her. Let her get in touch with you after the weekend. If you continue to call and text her, she will be less inclined to get back together with you. I know it will be difficult to refrain from contacting her... but it's your best bet. She needs time to realize she misses you. In addition, she needs to think that you have moved on. She will wonder why you aren't contacting her, and this will make her think you have possibly met someone else. I know this may sound strange, but it's the way most women think.
If she decides she wants to get back together, you need to be less clingy, so that she won't change her mind again. I'm not inferring that you are a clingy boyfriend... what I mean by this is that you need appear a little less available for her... at least for a while. This means... texting, calling, and emailing her less. You don't want to appear desperate or overzealous with your emotions because this will drive her away. Go out with friends and give her the impression you have a life that does not center around her.
Please keep us updated and let us know what you decide to do! Good luck!
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A
male
reader, lakers_lover09 +, writes (28 January 2011):
lakers_lover09 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthanks for all ur answers..we have been seperated about 3 days, we talked on the phone the 2nd night but have really not talked since. She told me she may want to go out for valentines day when i asked her. and she said she wantd to talk to me really bad but was afraid i wouldnt want to hear form her. then she told me how she is wearing all of the things i ever bought or made her..but it was jus yesterday that she decided we shouldnt talk for a while and then she told me that i should hear from her after the weekend
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A
female
reader, FloridaCatGirl +, writes (28 January 2011):
I agree wholeheartedly with HC. My instincts tell me she is either afraid to tell others about the breakup, or she is struggling with second thoughts. I think it's best to give her some time to digest the situation, so she can figure out what her next step should be.
When did you break up? Since your breakup, have you had any contact with her? If so, how much, and what has she been said to you? These questions might give us a better idea of what is going through her mind.
Please keep us updated! Good luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): I think we all have different ways to deal with stuff...i agree with HC maybe she isnt ready for all the questions that involve posting it on fb or telling her fam. Maybe she is hoping to get back together with you and if that is the case i think you should step away and avoid all contact. Give her time to clear her mind and when she is ready to just be friends she'll come around and if that does happen dont bring up your relationship ever in your conversations.
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A
female
reader, viccra78 +, writes (28 January 2011):
In my opinion, it means nothing. Most people don't run around with a sign on their head telling the world that they just broke up with someone.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (28 January 2011): No there's no chance based on what you're saying. She's broken up with you and that's it.
The reason she hasn't told anyone yet is because she wants to clear her head first, before she tells people and they start throwing sympathy her way, asking her what happened, etc. especially on facebook, I'm sure you've seen how messy a relationship status change can get.
She's still raw from it now and doesn't want people to start hounding her to talk about it just yet until she's figured things out for herself. You see she knows she's going to get peoples honest opinion of you once she tells them. People who pretended to like you because you were partners are suddenly going to be turning against you. Friends can become overbearing with their sympathy too and everyone is going to know what happened. That's a lot to take so early after a break up.
Personally when I'm going through a break up my best friend knows and he doesn't tell anyone he helps me through the initial pain in the first few weeks and then I gradually let people know one by one when I see them and when my head has cleared a bit and I'm ready I make it public knowledge.
Dude she's not holding onto you if she actually wants to stop talking for a while.
Now I could be wrong, she probably still loves you but wanting different things is very hard to get over because your lives are moving in different directions, she wants freedom and to be out there in church and play music and see the world whereas you want to tie her down to marriage and kids, really soon too I might add.
You might not be able to resolve this man, you both have very different goals and dreams, you want to settle down into marriage in your early 20's and she want to go out and explore the world first.
I wish you luck because at the moment you have to let her go, because she wants freedom and frankly she kind of sees life with you like a prison because of the marriage and kids thing. For her it's far too early. I mean school, to college to married with kids? Where's the life in between that? Where's the freedom to see the world? Try new things etc. Get rid of that notion man if you want her back, if you can't set your own mind to want to go enjoy your young adulthood without settling down so quickly into marriage and kids then she'll always view your relationship as a prison because she knows you will still want to tie her down.
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A
female
reader, HC  +, writes (28 January 2011):
One of two things either,she isn't ready to go public with the information yet, not ready for all the questions and sympathy you get when you break up with someone, or you could be right maybe once she has been faced with the reality of it all, it's not what she wants. Leave her to it and see what she does next.
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